Cactuar JoeSKULL MOUNTAIN
HE-MAN'S LAWYERS WILL BE IN TOUCH
Yeah, if I'd seen this when I was like eight or nine I would've thought it was the best thing ever. #Monsterdon
"HOLD STRONG HERCULES"
Be tough! We're making a Dune remake at the same time! #Monsterdon
So the egg can cast Tetra Magic, so what. #Monsterdon
"Can you at least take me NEAR Thera?"
I can drop you off at the bus station, sure. #Monsterdon
those crotch tassels really are throwing me off, trim those things girl #Monsterdon
Herc fucks around with hydrology again #Monsterdon
Lots of size play in this movie. #Monsterdon
Ha ha, King looking at the queen like, "Honey, I think we just found our unicorn" #Monsterdon
yeah yeah, falling in love depowers the woman, I'm not sure YOU understand the metaphor you're using here >_> #Monsterdon
"There's the chariot"
I have eyes, lady. #Monsterdon
Using magic to tie a half-hitch feels like a waste of claymation. #Monsterdon
bleugh #Monsterdon
This is "fan on a boat pointed at the sails" level physics here. #Monsterdon
So many incomprehensible things happened at once it's hard to pick one. #Monsterdon
Aaaand we have butt. #Monsterdon
I think some exposition just spilled all over us. #Monsterdon
And of course they kill her off, god this writing is embarrassing. #Monsterdon
That's the scene that got Lou the part on The Incredible Hulk. #Monsterdon
Oh, the tassels are a recovery unit, I stand corrected. #Monsterdon
Daedalus is really just Rita Repulsa. #Monsterdon
Cassiopea staring off into the middle distance like "hooray for socks"
Man, the princess's Frontal Bike Rack is really just, like, right there, huh. #Monsterdon
Seashell pasties, okay. Sure. Why not. #Monsterdon
King Minos is unable to finish a speech without consulting an AI. #Monsterdon
"I've no doubt, my dear."
After all, your front-butt is perky as ever. #Monsterdon
Every Hercules movie has to have a scene where he's in chains and being menaced by an evil female. It's in the contract. #Monsterdon
"The Black Lotus... Its nectar numbs the mind... Makes you pay $3 million for a piece of cardboard..." #Monsterdon
This is the corniest Hercules fight I've ever seen and that is *SAYING* something. #Monsterdon
I've watched Hercules Against the Moon Men AND THAT MOVIE HAD MORE DIGNITY THAN THIS ONE #Monsterdon
This is based on Roman myth the same way Lucky Charms is based on Celtic myth. #Monsterdon
Princess Evilla doesn't learn very fast does she. #Monsterdon
And that's how we got the constellation of the rope and pull-oh he threw it at the door, never mind :/ #Monsterdon
I HAVE THE POWAAAAAH #Monsterdon
And our brave hero skewers an old man. #Monsterdon
Self-cleaning princess. That's new. #Monsterdon
This film's color palette is something else. Even the lava is rainbow technicolor. #Monsterdon
Oh no, their lawn jockey fell into the harbor! #Monsterdon
"I'm all of them and none of them"
...What? The fuck does that mean? #Monsterdon
And it ends as it began
With an incomprehensible explosion. #Monsterdon
Okay folks, you made it through what is possibly the least comprehensible movie we've ever watched. As usual, there's just one last labor to perform:
Was HERCULES (1983) the WORST #Monsterdon movie of the year?
God yes, it was absolutely inexplicable
It wasn't that bad.
Poll ended at .
The biggest thing I can say about that movie is that I genuinely think Starcrash is a better film.
Solarbird 
@CactuarJoe oh Starcrash is a WAY better film. Not even a contest.
Brad@moira @CactuarJoe So is Alien Contamination, as far as I remember.
Lulu Helle 
@CactuarJoe agreed
Gwyn Ciesla@LuluHelle @CactuarJoe so I've always wanted to participate in #Monsterdon but thought my family would murder me. I'm thinking I may have to bite the bullet.
@gwync @CactuarJoe join us! This was exactly how i started too. Except for the family being displeased part
@gwync @LuluHelle You should, it's a blast :D
Patioboater@CactuarJoe “Starcrash” is a masterpiece! I mean, a masterpiece of confusing sci-fi effects, but a masterpiece nonetheless!
KSHernandez ♊(she/her/they)@CactuarJoe There's a bar that's super low and I have to say my expectations are pretty low which could possibly inform my choice, here. :) #Monsterdon #Hercules1983
ano yatsu@CactuarJoe i hesitate to say it wasn't that bad, but i don't believe it was The Worst.
My camera shoots fascistsThis is the only #monsterdon that I have ever dipped out of. It was that bad. My connection was stuttering a bit, given that I was out in the boonies, but it definitely wasn't worth effort to try to move to a better location 😆🤦♂️
Lazarou Monkey Terror 🚀💙🌈@CactuarJoe it had charm and ambition, bless...
@Lazarou It's one of those movies that feels like it was fun for the people making it, and the effects are actually pretty solid. If the plot was in any way coherent, or if Lou had anything in the way of stage presence, I'd actually rather like the film.
But wow, that was some *bad* acting and that story had NO weight to it. #monsterdon
@CactuarJoe I'm still thinking about the bear, flung out into Space...and possibly into a Phantom Zone
#Monsterdon
#Monsterdon
TerencioPlease don't say it's not comprehensible, or else one of the many narrators will pop up once more to tell us what we're seeing!
@CactuarJoe "It wasn't that bad."
pockets and sedition@CactuarJoe sure you are, ya fruitloop.