Cactuar Joe"Can you at least take me NEAR Thera?"
I can drop you off at the bus station, sure. #Monsterdon
those crotch tassels really are throwing me off, trim those things girl #Monsterdon
Herc fucks around with hydrology again #Monsterdon
Lots of size play in this movie. #Monsterdon
Ha ha, King looking at the queen like, "Honey, I think we just found our unicorn" #Monsterdon
yeah yeah, falling in love depowers the woman, I'm not sure YOU understand the metaphor you're using here >_> #Monsterdon
"There's the chariot"
I have eyes, lady. #Monsterdon
Using magic to tie a half-hitch feels like a waste of claymation. #Monsterdon
bleugh #Monsterdon
This is "fan on a boat pointed at the sails" level physics here. #Monsterdon
So many incomprehensible things happened at once it's hard to pick one. #Monsterdon
Aaaand we have butt. #Monsterdon
I think some exposition just spilled all over us. #Monsterdon
And of course they kill her off, god this writing is embarrassing. #Monsterdon
That's the scene that got Lou the part on The Incredible Hulk. #Monsterdon
Oh, the tassels are a recovery unit, I stand corrected. #Monsterdon
Daedalus is really just Rita Repulsa. #Monsterdon
Cassiopea staring off into the middle distance like "hooray for socks"
Man, the princess's Frontal Bike Rack is really just, like, right there, huh. #Monsterdon
Seashell pasties, okay. Sure. Why not. #Monsterdon
King Minos is unable to finish a speech without consulting an AI. #Monsterdon
"I've no doubt, my dear."
After all, your front-butt is perky as ever. #Monsterdon
Every Hercules movie has to have a scene where he's in chains and being menaced by an evil female. It's in the contract. #Monsterdon
"The Black Lotus... Its nectar numbs the mind... Makes you pay $3 million for a piece of cardboard..." #Monsterdon
This is the corniest Hercules fight I've ever seen and that is *SAYING* something. #Monsterdon
I've watched Hercules Against the Moon Men AND THAT MOVIE HAD MORE DIGNITY THAN THIS ONE #Monsterdon
This is based on Roman myth the same way Lucky Charms is based on Celtic myth. #Monsterdon
Princess Evilla doesn't learn very fast does she. #Monsterdon
And that's how we got the constellation of the rope and pull-oh he threw it at the door, never mind :/ #Monsterdon
I HAVE THE POWAAAAAH #Monsterdon
And our brave hero skewers an old man. #Monsterdon
Self-cleaning princess. That's new. #Monsterdon
This film's color palette is something else. Even the lava is rainbow technicolor. #Monsterdon
Oh no, their lawn jockey fell into the harbor! #Monsterdon
"I'm all of them and none of them"
...What? The fuck does that mean? #Monsterdon
And it ends as it began
With an incomprehensible explosion. #Monsterdon
Okay folks, you made it through what is possibly the least comprehensible movie we've ever watched. As usual, there's just one last labor to perform:
Was HERCULES (1983) the WORST #Monsterdon movie of the year?
God yes, it was absolutely inexplicable
It wasn't that bad.
Poll ended at .
The biggest thing I can say about that movie is that I genuinely think Starcrash is a better film.
Patioboater@CactuarJoe “Starcrash” is a masterpiece! I mean, a masterpiece of confusing sci-fi effects, but a masterpiece nonetheless!