GigsimFeb 5
Alice McFlurry 

Can someone let me know the average cooking time for fish?

I can't locate one of those handy time tables on the microwave in the employee break room.

Feb 4 at 7:13pmWeb
Show threadSir Osis of Liver 🇨🇦 🇲🇽Feb 4

@Alice

You! I like you!

😆

Show threadLauren IpsumFeb 4
@Alice I would say no more than ten minutes.
Show threadGreem (Graeme. Not Graham!)Feb 4

@Alice small pieces of the fish must be left under the rotating glass plate for the full Workplace Kitchen Microwave Fish effect. That way, you can be far away and still causing mayhem.

(5 mins on full power will do it)

Show threadPinchy63 🇨🇦Feb 4
@Alice
Five or ten minutes should do it! 😉
In all seriousness if you do want to microwave fish put a small container of lemon juice in with it while you do it. No smell.
Show threadRoger BW 😷Feb 4
@Alice Just keep going till it smells good, you'll be fine.
Show threadvxoFeb 4
@Alice
Six to seven minutes
Show threadThe Goddess AnoiaFeb 4
@Alice 2 hours in a work microwave for kippers I think 🤔
Show threadMichael PorterFeb 4
@Anoia @FourT4 @Alice Yup, just put it on high and come back when you think it might be done
Show threadTobias 🌒🌕🌘Feb 4
@Alice twenty minutes. If it explodes you were using weak fish. Just leave it in the can and you'll be fine.
Show threadWCOW #TheArchersFeb 4

@Alice

Cooking time depends on the type and thickness of the fish, and power of your microwave oven. As a general rule, cook the fish for 30-60 seconds per ounce of fish.

Show threadWCOW #TheArchersFeb 4
@Alice although I'm not sure why you hate your co workers so much.
Show threadcaffeinatedgeek 🇺🇦🇨🇦Feb 4
@Alice making friends at work?
Show threadJack EastmanFeb 4
@Alice You’re going to want to allow half an hour for a can of tuna
Show threadAlice McFlurry Feb 4
@JackEastman Aw, shoot. I wish I would have brought my oven mitts. That can is gonna be HOT!
Show threadJack EastmanFeb 4
@Alice and the light show will make up for forgetting to go outside to see the aurora the other night
Show threadkwayk42Feb 4
@Alice five minutes should be long enough I think. If it starts exploding, then it's almost done
Show threadAndy LeeFeb 4
@Alice No need to ask, your coworkers will tell you.
Show threadJohn MaxwellFeb 4
@Alice Well, four minutes should be enough, but go for 5, just in case.
Show threadSteve HerseyFeb 4
@Alice
Microwave, eh? You're going to want to allow time for either plausible deniability or a hurried escape.
Show threadSpeed demon 🇪🇺 🇳🇴🇺🇦🇵🇸Feb 4
@n1xnx Yes. best time is when nobody else is around. @Alice
Show threadHalla RemptFeb 4

@Alice The traditional Dutch cooking school metric is "tot ene vin gemakkelijk loslaat" -- or, until one fin can be pulled off easily. This advice was repeated in the cookery books for _every_ fish.

This does not, however, lead to the tastiest possible result.

Show threadJacobRPG❌👑Feb 4
@Alice 15 mins seems like a start
Show threadgeoff martinFeb 4
@Alice Just 3 minutes less than that for cooking smoked squid.
Show threadJason StuartFeb 4
@Alice Its done when you can smell it in within a 1 floor radius
Show threadLarge Format ProjectionistFeb 4

@JSCybersec @Alice

Jason, only 1 floor? Seems like a waste of an opportunity.

Set timer for “set off smoke detectors next door.”

Show threadQuintessential QuicksandFeb 4
@Alice The trick is to cook the fish in the microwave long enough so that you no longer smell the bag of burnt popcorn from earlier
Show threadSpeed demon 🇪🇺 🇳🇴🇺🇦🇵🇸Feb 4
@Alice When it stops smelling of cod-liver-oil and starts smelling of glue, it's done.
Show threadCaptain of the SS El FaroFeb 4
@Alice 8 hours
Show threadLord Tom Klopf of CZ Feb 4
@Alice about 60 minutes, stop the microwave every 15 and pour water on it to keep it hydrated.
Show threadLord Tom Klopf of CZ Feb 4
@Alice ‘for fish & broccoli only’ 😅 https://youtu.be/ZsjxtYAtbUg
Conan Downsizes Jordan Schlansky’s Office | CONAN on TBS

YouTube
Show threadUrzlFeb 4
@Alice When in doubt, 20 minutes is a good start.
Show threadDr. Unabart  Feb 4
@Alice It’s slightly longer than burning the popcorn.
Show threadHedgewizard 🐈Feb 4
@Alice
Everyone knows that fresh fish does not belong in the microwave. On your last day at work simply pull the refrigerator away from the wall. Zip tie a bag of frozen fresh fish to the radiator fins at the back before pushing it back. Don't forget to make a couple of holes in the bag for ventilation.
Show threadTobias 🌒🌕🌘Feb 4

@Alice @Hedgewizard not tuna oil in the cold air return? I must give your method a try.

Also, will your bag method work with a pork chop? Asking for a friend.

Show threadHedgewizard 🐈Feb 4
@Alice @catdad
I imagine it will work with any animal protein eventually, provided it doesn't dry out, but fish is especially good because of the methylamines produced. For when you want to leave a lasting impression without the inconvenience of, you know, going to actual prison
Show threadMarc, Antifa Surgeon GeneralFeb 4
@Alice "We asked four award-winning chefs, and they all said the same thing!"
Show threadCat 🐈🥗 (D.Burch) ⁠Feb 4
@Alice Microwave for 90 minutes on lowest power for maximum, odorific effect.
Show threadEva MikkonenFeb 4
@catsalad @Alice Best source of information is obviously these 80s booklets on how to cook with a microwave, whole 1kg fish in just 12-14 minutes!
Show threadElle 💗Feb 4
@Alice For fish you always want a good sear, so make sure you can smell a little bit of burning before you pull it out.
Show threadSouthFreshFeb 4
@Alice You can significantly reduce the time by adding both curry and cabbage to the microwave.
Show threadThe Eddie Show 📷🎧❤️Feb 4

@Alice

4:00 should be good.

Show threadKen ButlerFeb 4
@Alice think of a time, then double it just to be safe.
Show threadMx. Eddie RFeb 4
@Alice
15 minutes on high.
Show threadbeaiouns Feb 4
@Alice I just use the popcorn button, it's basically the same thing anyway
Show threadPaulFeb 4
@Alice if you do it for long enough it will catch fire and fill the building with acrid fishy smoke (someone did this where I work last year)
Show threadBig BenFeb 4
@Alice 400F for 10 minutes is standard in any oven I normally cook fish in. “MicroWave” sounds like a funky brand name but I assume it’s the same - 10 minutes. Have a go and if it doesn’t work ask one of your office coworkers. I’m sure they’ll be more than ecstatic to help!
Show threadLee HauserFeb 4
@Alice Fish? In the office microwave? Do you not like your co-workers?
Show threadmillennial fulcrumFeb 5
@Alice give it an hour on high just to be safe 🤣🤣
Show threadgnateFeb 5
@Alice
Just like popcorn, it's done when there's about 3 seconds between pops.
Show threadChookMother 🇦🇺🦘Feb 5
@Alice Very short.
Show threadSadieFeb 5
@Alice 20 minutes a pound.
Show threadAlice McFlurry Feb 5
@Burn_this_ Oh no. The people in my office are going to be so mad because that means it's going to take our entire one hour lunch break to cook this three-pound fish.
Show threadJonathanFeb 5

@Alice

Responses to this post can be placed in one of three categories.

First, taking it at face value and answering.

Second, appreciating that microwaving fish will make the room stink and saying so.

Third, appreciating the joke and playing along by, for example, dead-pan suggesting long cooking times.

Show threadLisPiFeb 5

@Alice You mostly want to use a meat thermometer anyway.

Cooking times are only a vague approximation. You want it to reach >=65C.

Those microwave silicone steamer boxes should help both prevent unwanted cooking juice splatter and ensure a more even cooking.

Show threadTeflonTrout  he/himFeb 5

@Alice

AHH Fedi, where even shitposts elicit useful information. You'll be the office Satan, but you'll be a well fed office Satan

Show threadPaper MoonFeb 5
@Alice I wouldn't worry too much. When the smoke alarm goes off, it's ready.
Show threadCoopermanFeb 5

@Alice

Give me five minutes to think...
...
...
...
...
Five minutes.