@danirabbit

Yeah. I've been pushing the idea of "gender tourism" for some years now. Good thing no one knows me or my irreverent takes on being trans (or not).

@danirabbit there’s something I read about that really has made me think… we really do need to say this, to clarify this, don’t we?

The thing I read about is I/Me/Myself, a song by Will Wood. (also, great song, it hits a lot of spots for me, it’s really. it’s really gender but not in a reddit transfem meme way.)

the story behind it, which, Will Wood had to make public due to persistent harassment by trans people no less, is really as simple as “he does not align with what ‘male’ is exactly but he also considers himself male, he tried to be transfem and to transition and it wasn’t for him”

he noted that he’s very supportive of movements that aim to abolish gender norms, in general, because he really does just express himself in a way that’s not “traditionally male”. he’s supportive of transgender movements.

and it keeps feeling like there’s just something about the deconstruction of the idea of gender that’s been missed by some trans people. Not all, not even a lot of trans people, but a loud, sizeable demographic.

@danirabbit

<3

@danirabbit I'm cishet male and work in an after school program with grades ranging from Kinder to 5th. Until recently, if a kid tried to insult me by calling me "missus" or misgendering me, I would simply ignore the insult to show it doesn't phase me. I'm pretty confident in my gender identity and that stuff really doesn't bother me.

But I have come to learn that young children don't necessarily know what they say or why they say it, and the better option is to actually take those moments head on as a lesson instead of ignoring them. So now I'm deliberately to replying with something like "my pronouns are he/him please respect that". It's not for me- it's for the child who needs to learn that insults based on gender or sexuality really just aren't chill; it's for their peers who may need to see somebody model self-advocacy so they can do it too.

@danirabbit As long as the power is perceived in the construction, there will be those who won't deconstruct. The rest of us need to give power to the deconstructed, to the authentic. One way to do that is to simply show up, authentically.

I'll give it to you, I haven't been doing well at that lately. Thanks for the kick in the pants. I needed that.

@danirabbit to me, deconstruction was essentially a trap. I’d been deconstructing things my whole life as one of the most contrarian people I know of. I could deconstruct anything to find untruths but I couldn’t *be* anything because I could only find things I wasn’t. That took a different, much more constructive approach.

The way I see it I built a new myself, as authentic, artificial or real as the previous one. I just like being this one.

@danirabbit a cishet friend (who happens to be an ex) went hard into her deconstruction when several events last year made her question basically everything

it's been cute and fun to guide her in a very similar way i guide any other queer people, from watching her embrace her newfound self love and rediscovering the joy of living to helping her set up limits and identify harmful patterns