forestinei usually save these awareness days for yelling at cis people on my ig stories. like hey, you really want to do something for nonbinary people today? well...
so i've done my shouty posts. time for breakfast
here's one of today's posts:
when i learn a new set of pronouns for someone, i practice talking about them in my head. whether they are new pronouns to me like neopronouns i haven't used before, or i have gotten used to calling someone a certain pronoun, this takes PRACTICE.
so many well-meaning people assume that because they do not wish us harm that they will get the pronouns right. and they don’t practice at all. then they are devastated when they are told they have misgendered someone, and now it’s all about how sad they feel.
take some time to practice.
one time i was a guest on one of those lockdown era streaming synth shows. i later informed the host that he had misgendered me and gave him the above advice.
and he said "i am devastated." and then proceeded to talk about how bad he felt for TWENTY MINUTES, making me feel pressured to comfort him. he rewatched the segment in question and saw the part where i'd tried to correct him in the moment and he hadn't heard me and he got even more distraught. it was total agony for me to have to deal with this, from an "ally".
just correct, and move on. or in a case like this, say i'm sorry, i'll work on this in the future (and stand by it and DO work on it)
like seriously, you need to practice. you probably don't even realize what you are doing if you're not used to this.
when i was visiting my hometown last i was getting increasingly frustrated with my mom's partner misgendering me, so my mom talked to him.
"It's really important that we use [forestine]'s pronouns correctly, they/them"
"I thought we WERE using her pronouns"
🤦
additional beef
Trying to cram nonbinary into existing sayings is infantalizing and cheesy and utilizes existing binaries! The binary is the problem, people!!
When addressing a group, try "distinguished guests", "folks", "everyone", etc.
"Ladies and gentlethems" – Barf. And not all nonbinary people use they/them
"Guys, gals, and nonbinary pals" – I'm not your pal. I don't know you.
(i am too canadian to use y'all, it would be weird)
Neia masks@forestine It's weird to me too, so I make it even worse by saying 'yinz'all.' If I'm feeling awkward, I can address the problem by making everyone else cringe.
@neia oh yeah, yinz is gender neutral too isn't it? just veeeryy regional
Estel@forestine fellow Canadian, who has defauted to y'all... Or folks. Especially to replace "guys" which honestly is still used amongst my peer group, even the other enbys and queers among us
Joe Wynne 🌻🚗⛰️@forestine
I can start the process of making you an Honorary Southerner.
I can start the process of making you an Honorary Southerner.
@joewynne hahaha thanks
weird herm@forestine it doesn't have to be cute, please just make it simple
deirdre@forestine greetings nonbinary people and everyone else
donkey herder, fowl friend
Sam Levine@forestine people is also an excellent option
Tattie@forestine I created "critters and gentlefolk" for this. 😁
Of course people who are neither of the above two categories are welcome to criticise me for introducing a new binary. 😆
Jacqueline"Comrades" does the trick
lee@forestine i get a lot of joy out of making up new binaries and taking them just as seriously as the gender binary
@inherentlee People who use Robertson screwdrivers and people who use pliers
@forestine gardeners and electricians
through a queer lenI always knew the allen wrench was a symbol of the nonbinary....
Cherry Coakes 
Bel Tamtu | Critter Unit@forestine There problems with this too but I like what I once heard in Doctor Who during Ten's run, "Ladies, gentlemen, and variations thereupon". I don't know who wrote that episode but the showrunner at the time was Russel T Davies.
I like that it doesn't try to keep the saying short or close to what it was, I like that it transforms the saying to be more inclusive. But there are, as I said, still problems with it and I totally understand other folks not liking that one either.
I personally tend to say folks. I'm still in the process of switching over to it from "guys", which I've grown up knowing as a gender neutral term, but I completely understand some other folks not liking that term used to refer to them, so I figure it's not much effort to switch my language over, and well worth it.
I'm also tempted lately to start using y'all.
Mux2000 (exfoliating)
fluffy 💜@forestine I have had multiple cases of correcting a healthcare provider during an appointment, only to then receive a ridiculously over-the-top distraught apology voicemail in which they basically try to verbally crucify themselves for getting it wrong and I’m just like, okay?
and then at the very next appointment, guess what happens
@forestine the appointment after THAT usually ends up being with another provider
@fluffy yeah the thing is, the apology has nothing to do with whether they are going to work on making sure it doesn't happen again
@forestine yeah it’s always like “I support your transition and the trans community! I just slipped up this once but I really do support you and your decisions!” and I’m like “okay”
@forestine Reading your thread now and yeah, this, so much.
I haven't told my mom she should practice more but I have told her she just needs more practice/experience. And she has been improving over time with my pronouns. But when she first started catching herself using the wrong ones she would over-apologise and that just made it worse for me.
I tell folks these days that I prefer a correction, and moving on, with no further commentary. I say that some folks might appreciate a short and simple apology with the correction. I tell them that it depends on the trans person, but that many of us don't want it to be a big deal, let alone become about *their* feelings on messing up our pronouns, because this just compounds the problem.
My mom is so much better now. She still messes up my pronouns a fair amount but she catches herself all the time now, corrects herself without saying anything else, and moves on. I know she'll keep improving, and that's all I ask.
@Bel_tamtu yeah i don't think an apology is always appropriate either. most of the time, correcting and moving on is best.
i haven't seen my family irl in a few years so i honestly assume that nobody is using my pronouns
@forestine That sucks, I'm sorry.
I cut out two parents from my life before I realised I'm trans, but I'm sure they've heard of it a long time ago now. I presume they aren't using my pronouns either.
Cocaine Owlbear@forestine this is 100% what I try to do. People think it's going to be easy to remember, but think about how often you forget a person's name. I don't know about everyone else, but I've had to ask people's names more than once. Pronouns are not different.
Unless you practice, you will fuck it up. Bet on it. Practicing is the very least anyone trying to be an ally, or even just be a decent person, can do.
Unless you practice, you will fuck it up. Bet on it. Practicing is the very least anyone trying to be an ally, or even just be a decent person, can do.
@forestine I used this non-binary day for a post reminding the cis people in my life that, yes, I am still enby.
Because this year I've started referring to myself as a woman sometimes and using she/her pronouns, and I just know they're all mentally erasing the non-binary bit.