forestinei usually save these awareness days for yelling at cis people on my ig stories. like hey, you really want to do something for nonbinary people today? well...
so i've done my shouty posts. time for breakfast
here's one of today's posts:
when i learn a new set of pronouns for someone, i practice talking about them in my head. whether they are new pronouns to me like neopronouns i haven't used before, or i have gotten used to calling someone a certain pronoun, this takes PRACTICE.
so many well-meaning people assume that because they do not wish us harm that they will get the pronouns right. and they don’t practice at all. then they are devastated when they are told they have misgendered someone, and now it’s all about how sad they feel.
take some time to practice.
one time i was a guest on one of those lockdown era streaming synth shows. i later informed the host that he had misgendered me and gave him the above advice.
and he said "i am devastated." and then proceeded to talk about how bad he felt for TWENTY MINUTES, making me feel pressured to comfort him. he rewatched the segment in question and saw the part where i'd tried to correct him in the moment and he hadn't heard me and he got even more distraught. it was total agony for me to have to deal with this, from an "ally".
just correct, and move on. or in a case like this, say i'm sorry, i'll work on this in the future (and stand by it and DO work on it)
Bel Tamtu | Critter Unit@forestine Reading your thread now and yeah, this, so much.
I haven't told my mom she should practice more but I have told her she just needs more practice/experience. And she has been improving over time with my pronouns. But when she first started catching herself using the wrong ones she would over-apologise and that just made it worse for me.
I tell folks these days that I prefer a correction, and moving on, with no further commentary. I say that some folks might appreciate a short and simple apology with the correction. I tell them that it depends on the trans person, but that many of us don't want it to be a big deal, let alone become about *their* feelings on messing up our pronouns, because this just compounds the problem.
My mom is so much better now. She still messes up my pronouns a fair amount but she catches herself all the time now, corrects herself without saying anything else, and moves on. I know she'll keep improving, and that's all I ask.
@Bel_tamtu yeah i don't think an apology is always appropriate either. most of the time, correcting and moving on is best.
i haven't seen my family irl in a few years so i honestly assume that nobody is using my pronouns
@forestine That sucks, I'm sorry.
I cut out two parents from my life before I realised I'm trans, but I'm sure they've heard of it a long time ago now. I presume they aren't using my pronouns either.