cat wrangler. crafty.
I write some (a lot of) music.
"len" and "lenny" are both good :)
love me long-winded or don't love me at all.
also I'm still coviding and you should be, too
music mostly marked under #lennySings if you want to follow it here, or @lenny_wonders on youtube.
https://linktr.ee/lenny_wonders
I am just a pile of impossible questions, held together by spit and duct tape and hope that flickers on and off, on and off, on and off.
| pronouns | they/them |
| profile pic | white person in their mid-30s smiles at the camera at the wharf. They're wearing an envo respirator and aviator sunglasses. |
| banner pic | tag from an axolotl plushie. It says "kind of cute, kind of ugly, sorta weird, but oh so snuggly" |
| ko-fi | https://ko-fi.com/lenny_wonders |
| linktree | https://linktr.ee/lenny_wonders |
I can feel the urge to spiral off into forever from all of that 😅 😂 but I don't want to do that! so I am going to try to respond thoughtfully and actively. good music. what do I need to do to advance towards bed? etc.
want to write a song but it's almost midnight. feels like the neighbors wouldn't love that. headphones and the music of others instead.
more concerning evidence in the "I'm afraid they are falling in love with me" column, fucking ugggghhh
it was already kind of a loooot, the deliberate pause when they said "it's one of my...languages" (awkwardly tripping on the word love when encouraging me to do this thing, don't even remember what it was)
I just...don't know what to do, tbh 🙃 this isn't really the direction the feelings normally go in...??? normally I am all in on someone who doesn't give a fuck about me. I don't have scripts for someone having feelings for me that I cannot reciprocate.
(my feelings are....confusing and, frankly,, irrelevant atm; they do not change my desired course of action. and it's proooooobably true that my therapist would be more team "you don't have to know things, you can give it time and figure it out" than team "lenny stop being a fucking coward." so there's that.
It would be so easy; it would be so so so so SO fucking hard.
What if I just... Sidestep the question until everybody forgets they even asked in the first place. Call it the lenny shuffle.
They probably don't even have feelings anymore and I'm being arrogant ha
(10% pragmatism, 90% cope...I see the way they look at me 🙃)
People aren't supposed to get squishy feelings for me 😅🙃
Bah
Sometimes I get very fucking scared that dating this person is inevitable 😅🙃
I am going to be extremely not okay if I ruin these friendships.
I get why people didn't get it. I broke up with them on purpose. I am not seeking them out on purpose. Even still loving them all these months later.
but they were so many wonderful things more than the hard things. It was so fucking easy to love them, even though they were gross. Even though it gave me actual fucking panic attacks just thinking about loving them, that is how bad my trust issues were. It was still easy. There was still so much to love. They still brought so many beautiful things to my life just by being in it.
idk. it sucks and it hurts and it's hard and I'm angry and I miss them. bah.
saw a picture of someone today that could've been their cousin and I guess they are on my mind.