here's one of today's posts:

when i learn a new set of pronouns for someone, i practice talking about them in my head. whether they are new pronouns to me like neopronouns i haven't used before, or i have gotten used to calling someone a certain pronoun, this takes PRACTICE.

so many well-meaning people assume that because they do not wish us harm that they will get the pronouns right. and they don’t practice at all. then they are devastated when they are told they have misgendered someone, and now it’s all about how sad they feel.

take some time to practice.

one time i was a guest on one of those lockdown era streaming synth shows. i later informed the host that he had misgendered me and gave him the above advice.

and he said "i am devastated." and then proceeded to talk about how bad he felt for TWENTY MINUTES, making me feel pressured to comfort him. he rewatched the segment in question and saw the part where i'd tried to correct him in the moment and he hadn't heard me and he got even more distraught. it was total agony for me to have to deal with this, from an "ally".

just correct, and move on. or in a case like this, say i'm sorry, i'll work on this in the future (and stand by it and DO work on it)

@forestine I have had multiple cases of correcting a healthcare provider during an appointment, only to then receive a ridiculously over-the-top distraught apology voicemail in which they basically try to verbally crucify themselves for getting it wrong and I’m just like, okay?

and then at the very next appointment, guess what happens