Xavier Ashe 

I have a son turning 18 tomorrow. He is #autistic, #aspie, #bipolar, and has #tourettes. It's a beautiful combination of conditions, but as you can imagine, it doesn't set him up for success in the social skills department.

Now he's turning 18 and has very few people turning up as his party. What can I do as a dad to help? There's the "fix it" side of me that wants to get creative on ways to get people to his party. But I don't know if that will make things worse.

I'd love to hear from others #neurdivergent and #actuallyautistic folks.

EDIT... Sorry I forgot to mention that my son has complained about how few people are coming. So I do know he wants more people.

Apr 12, 2024 at 8:35pmWeb
Show threadXavier Ashe Apr 14, 2024

Hey everyone! I wanted to thank everyone for their heartfelt replies and to let y'all know that my son's 18th birthday party was a wonderful success. After hearing him complaining about the lack of friends at his party, we talked about a few ideas. We decided to tap his siblings' friends. That's the plus side of a large family. We were able to fill up the party room at the local arcade/bowling alley/laser tag place.

Again, thank you for supporting this old dad. While he might be the sixth kid I've raised, I still need help from time to time.

Tag list: @alex_02 @felyashono @A_bee @WhiteCatTamer @IPmonger @nis @yourautisticlife @Satanic_catboy @GreenSkyOverMe @caocancio @FlotteBiene86 @calofost @alex_02 @Leahgashe

Show thread✨️Caro...✨️Apr 14, 2024
@Xavier @alex_02 @felyashono @A_bee @WhiteCatTamer @IPmonger @nis @yourautisticlife @Satanic_catboy @GreenSkyOverMe @caocancio @FlotteBiene86 @Leahgashe wonderful news. Happy birthday to him!
Show threadIPmongerApr 14, 2024

@caocancio @yourautisticlife @FlotteBiene86 @nis @calofost @felyashono @Xavier @Leahgashe @Satanic_catboy @alex_02 @WhiteCatTamer @A_bee @GreenSkyOverMe I’m so happy to hear that. It’s literally bringing tears to my eyes!

#ActuallyAutistic

Show threadGreenSkyOverMe (Monika)Apr 14, 2024
@Xavier Yay!
Show threadFlotteBiene86Apr 14, 2024

@Xavier

This is so cool.

I may have read over that you wrote your son was unhappy that not many will come to his party, because in this case my idea was not offering any help 😬

It is very nice to read that you managed to help out and bring a lot of nice friends to the party, so that they all had lots of fun and you could make your son very happy on his special day with laser tag! 😀

Show thread✨️Caro...✨️Apr 12, 2024
@Xavier I personally prefer small gatherings with people I can be myself around over a large party. I turned 40 and my big party was a weekend away with 3 families (our closest friends only). I don't like surprises either, but maybe it's just me. Agree with the above, talk to him.
Show threadFlotteBiene86Apr 12, 2024

@Xavier

Well, I would have been glad if no one had intervened and I could have had a good time with the few nice people who showed up because they really wanted to see me. Even if this means these were only two people.

Speaking for myself I would feel very uncomfortable with guys I have no interest in having contact with. For me anything someone would try to do to liven up the party and make me more friends would have made me angry and ending the party.

Show threadGusApr 12, 2024
@Xavier Being autistic—and this doesn't necessarily apply to your son—I've always found that friendship has never been about quantity for me. I don’t know if this is the case for him, but pushing for more attendees might be more of a neurotypical convention than something to worry about, or even a real preference of his.
Show threadGreenSkyOverMe (Monika)Apr 12, 2024
@Xavier post on Facebook (or whereever kids hang out these days) about something cool that will be at the party? Music or VR video games or special food or whatever
Show threadSatan - PaulApr 12, 2024
@Xavier Well, I am autistic myself and while I probably will never have people coming to parties outside of close family and maybe sometimes from my friends (the problem is that they're on different continents altogether), I do know how to make friends as a socially awkward person
Though I don't know if this is what you ask, if not then you can ignore this
Show threadNisApr 12, 2024

@Xavier Does he want a party?

My kid does not.

Show threadIPmongerApr 12, 2024

@Xavier I respect the perspective others have shared. My personal experience has matched theirs at times.

Other times, I feel extremely sad, angry, bitter and hopeless as I don’t have the deep connections I want to have with others. In those moments, quantity seems more important than quality when quality == 0.

I’m glad you’re talking to your son. I hope you being there for him, helps him in this time of need.

#ActuallyAutistic

Show threadJayApr 13, 2024

@Xavier I don’t think trying to get more people will help: he might be more insulted by that than be happy.

Instead, I’d suggest looking for activities that work better with a smaller group. Mini golfing, trivia games, playing paintball, stuff like that. That way, everyone gets a lot of quality time with the birthday boy, and you’re not roping people in who wouldn’t want to be there.

Show threadI've moved to [email protected]Apr 20, 2024

@Xavier Hey, I was traveling when I saw your post and didn't really have time to respond. Did you get an ideas? How did it go?

-- a mom who's been there

Show threadXavier Ashe Apr 20, 2024

@willaful Thanks so much for following up with me. I posted a follow-up here. Short story? It was a success.

https://infosec.exchange/@Xavier/112266969150709350

Xavier Ashe :donor: (@[email protected])

Hey everyone! I wanted to thank everyone for their heartfelt replies and to let y'all know that my son's 18th birthday party was a wonderful success. After hearing him complaining about the lack of friends at his party, we talked about a few ideas. We decided to tap his siblings' friends. That's the plus side of a large family. We were able to fill up the party room at the local arcade/bowling alley/laser tag place. Again, thank you for supporting this old dad. While he might be the sixth kid I've raised, I still need help from time to time. Tag list: @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected]

Infosec Exchange
Show threadI've moved to [email protected]Apr 20, 2024
@Xavier I'm so glad! 🥳