The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

@davep

Almost lost my beer. This happens when you read to the end.

@davep My smile for the day : -)
@davep 10/10 from someone who has done fieldwork with pollinators because you can ID some species by sound 🐝

@davep

A yellow card isn't enough of a penalty here; we're going to give you an entire yellowjacket...

@davep 🤦‍♀️
@davep I must concur with my colleague, @deborahh 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
@davep Oh, but that is a long way to go
@davep New state of being unlocked: cursing, groaning, cringing, laughing, and clapping. All simultaneously.
@davep glorious. a triumph
@davep That was atrocious. Well done.
@davep Ironically, he only heard about the record because of the buzz going around.
@davep I'm angry and I'm boosting this.

@varx @davep

"I'm beside myself" was right there

@davep

🏆

The cup is awarded for the longest dad joke in history.

Also, for being understandable only to persons over a certain age.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@davep better nate than lever am i right
@davep that's an awful lot of words for a dad joke 🙄
@davep that was a LOOOONG walk

@davep I was expecting this was either going to be an excellent, timely roast of a terrible public figure, or an informative message about where pee is stored.

My expectations were not met, yet I am not disappointed.

👏 👏 👏

@davep

GROAN.

btw, might I interest you in the album "Wasps' Nests" by The Sixths?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wasps%27_Nests

Wasps' Nests - Wikipedia

@davep Didn't see that one coming. Nicely told! Thank you for the laugh! 👏
@davep This remains the best joke in the history of jokes (except for possibly https://www.cathtatecards.com/ranges/cartoons/a-dogs-breakfast-greeting-card/)
A Dog's Breakfast Greeting Card : Cath Tate Cards

Witty and wise cards and gifts. Giving vintage and retro images a sense of humour.

@davep

That's one very long, but well played Dad joke. Good job, well done.

@davep is there a Guiness record for world's longest Dad Joke?
@davep I've heard a number of versions of this - in mine he's "a leading European expert on wasps and the noises they make" - but there's always a European in there (sometimes it's the expert, sometimes the wasps). I wonder why.
@davep thank you, I enjoyed that ride.
@davep @dhsholly The B-side (or bee side) of Elvis Presley's record "One Night" was "I Got Stung"