Short story: I have curly hair. But I straighten it for work to appear “professional.” Or I wear a bun to look “serious.”

These ideas were shaped by social norms + experiences where I’ve been the only woman in the room or dealt w sexual harassment/bias.

But when my 15yo niece visited last week, I marveled at her stunning curls. “It just dries this way,” she said.

And it dawned on me - Wait, mine does too! Or would if I paid less attention to cultural expectations. So I think I’ll do that now.

@Sheril I totally applaud this! I'm so shocked at the issues I've run into, even in the last year or two, with my curly hair being "difficult" for on-camera work. It feels a certain way, all right.
@skrishna @Sheril My middle daughter only wants her hair to be straight, but she has such amazing curls. Selfishly, I’m so glad that she’ll have more amazing women that she can watch and see herself represented.
@carpedavid @Sheril I didn't embrace my curly hair until high school/college!!
@Sheril Yay! I was similarly indoctrinated but gave up straightening when I moved to Oklahoma for my first teaching job (WAY too difficult in that heat and humidity). Twelve years later, no regrets.
@Sheril
Waves of wisdom. (And buns of convenience when you lack the time for a good air dry). I endorse!

@NicoleCRust

“And buns of convenience..” 😆

Of course!

Another "me too" moment between us though my solution was to wear my hair cut very short @Sheril

Once I got off the career treadmill (totally incompatible with my caring responsibilities, so I'll leave you to imagine the damage to my income and pension, but that's a whole other story...) I allowed it to grow. It's so superficial, but I've had some pleasure from the appreciation of others of my curly locks (also now embarrassed at toe-curling disclosure!)

@Sheril
Channel your inner Frieda.
@[email protected] My hair decided ten years ago that it no longer wanted anything to do with me, so I can't really assume my opinion counts. However, I am glad that you found an equilibrium.
@Sheril My boss has curly hair and I don't think of her as less professional or less serious because of it. I wasn't aware of such a social norm. Conversely, I know some women who curl their naturally straight hair because they like it that way. Maybe it's different in Germany.
@Sheril
I noticed this on Odd Squad watching it with my son. The young actress Olivia Presti has curly hair. They straighten it for her gadget/scientist character on the show.
@Sheril My hair is excessively curly and drying it straight was never an option. It just wouldn’t work because it’s just too curly. So I’ve learned to make peace with it over the years because I didn’t have another choice. But when I was a kid, it was the source of a lot of bullying. So I totally get it. I hope you find a way that works for you!
@Sheril and the people with very tightly coiled hair we call kinky. Ultra difficult to look professional with white male expectations. Full disclosure: I watched my "mixed race" nieces straighten their hair, torture themselves, etc, to "look right". And I thought my curly hair was a problem so kept it short and gummed down.
@Sheril I don't have curly hair

@Sheril totally relate with this.

However, I've always refused to straighten my hair because I didn't want to waste my time to conform.
I've the same attitude to dyeing my whitening hair and must say it's equally penalising, if not more

@Sheril
And it's even worse for black women!
@echanda @Sheril thank you! I was wondering if anyone on here had any idea what is going on in our community! Luckily, our kids don't want any part of it. The future may be brighter🤞
@Agora @Sheril
I hope so! There's nothing inherently "unprofessional" about naturally textured hair, it's part of a person, like skin color. It's not like dyeing your hair purple or having poor hygiene, which are personal choices whose impact on work can be debated (I don't think purple hair is automatically unprofessional). This #HarvardBusinessReview article on how #HairDiscrimination or #texturism affects back women is a good overview of the issue. https://hbr.org/2023/05/how-hair-discrimination-affects-black-women-at-work
How Hair Discrimination Affects Black Women at Work

Despite some progress over the past few years, race-based hair discrimination still remains a widespread issue for Black women in the workplace. A recent study showed that Black women’s hair was two-and-a-half times more likely to be perceived as unprofessional, and one-fifth of the Black women surveyed between the ages of 25 and 34 had been sent home from work because of their hair. Although 20 states have adopted the CROWN Act, which prohibits discrimination based on hair texture and protective styles including braids, twists, and locs, hair discrimination is not prohibited at a federal level in the U.S. To address and mitigate hair bias and discrimination, company leaders should focus on the following three areas: awareness, employee feedback, and objectivity.

Harvard Business Review
@echanda @Sheril Thank you for the great article 🙏🏾
@Sheril nothing wrong with curls, it doesn't look more or less professional...And they recently passed laws talking about African knappy hair is acceptable in the workplace now. Instead of just northern european cultural norms.
@Sheril Do you. #naturalhairjourney and #blackmastodon has many posts about proudly wearing natural hair.
@Sheril Societal pressures right? Good on you for have the courage to wave a fuck you in the face of those

@Sheril

Good for you! Same! I ditched my straightening iron years ago, and my hair (and schedule) thanked me for it. Still, every hairdresser I go to automatically goes for the straightening iron or asks if I would like a chemical straightener.
Nope! Curls are beautiful!

@Sheril (chanting)do it! Do it! Do it!

@Sheril

There is a huge "curly girl" community out there. Google it and you will find tons of suggestions. I too straightened my wavy hair for decades, until menopause hit and I just couldn't take it anymore ... Now I just use a ton of conditioner and squish it in. It's like magic. My hair is so much easier. Also, nowadays: More acceptable. Like dark tights instead of nylon "nude" panty hose, right? Things evolve! Hooray. ... Enjoy your natural hair!

@Sheril

My maternal grandmother lived with us when I was a child. She wore her hair in a bun. Yes, the bun means "it is serious time now".

I absolutely love curly hair.

Sadly, you are right about default human behavior and appearances. You are doing the smart thing to that end.

Let if go curly on the weekend tho.

@Sheril I want to be vulgar about this, but will refrain myself out of respect. I hate the idea of always looking & acting professional by the standards of others. I'm an adult, I know how to look clean and presentable, how to interact with others in this setting, & how to behave. To this day my mom still hates that I don't do my hair "like I should." Who cares, I still get stuff done and we're doing better than ever.
@Sheril
As your friend in “it just dries curly,” I salute you and your taking ownership of your (presumably awesome) hair!
@Sheril I used to wear a three-piece suit for my consulting engagements as a contract programmer in finance. Dress codes - official or unwritten - have gradually crumbled since and it pleases me. Now if we could eliminate pointless commuting, we will have made a giant leap.
@Sheril CIS male here. Grew up Jewish in Southern Indiana, and would comb my hair out every day, battling those beautiful curls.
@Sheril Unfortunately you're not the first person I've heard say she thought her curly hair was somehow "unprofessional." I'm really sorry that constrained you; there's plenty of awful appearance restrictions but that was one I really wasn't aware of.

@Sheril YES!

And also there is this: If it grows on company time then cut it on company time.

@Sheril @MaJ1
Absolutely, let your hair be! It’s not unprofessional to have curly hair!
@Sheril While men waxed and oiled, my mom, grandmother, & great aunts curled. Curly hair is a sign of health, my mom says. She’s envied wavy hair so much, I felt bad reading Anne Lammott complain about hair. Hair change: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AFI%27s_100_Years...100_Stars
AFI's 100 Years...100 Stars - Wikipedia

@Sheril Waiting impatiently for an updated profile photo 🙂!
@Sheril kids understand these issues better than we did. It’s been ten years since I stopped straightening my hair. This hair issue is even more poignant in the #black community.
My daughter doesn’t give a sh*t that she is the only one with curly, Afro hair! I can honestly say that I am proud to be raising a kid who gets this.
@Sheril More power to you. The male experience with critiques of appearance is nothing compared to what women in the public eye face. The cultural expectations around 'orderly' anglo hair is one thing that weirdly crosses cultures and genders. I get angry tweets and comments telling me to cut my hair all the time... often from the same folks that use anti-Semitic rhetoric
@Sheril Ingrid Bergman, Gaslight, 1944,
@Sheril
Good on you.. I think about how much more time that creates for say, going out and enjoying sunlight and fresh air and the harm of socalled conventions.