Twitter Death CultThrowing daily jargon updates at the customer is a sign the project is going super well!
he has no idea what any of this means
lmaoooooo
didn't spend ad dollars, just had the intern post a youtube link to their commercial
Finally, twitter is fixed
https://www.theverge.com/2023/2/13/23598514/twitter-algorithm-elon-musk-tweets
Time to block him if you haven't already, so we can see what else he'll fuck up as he worms his way around the blocks
Can't wait to read the twitter files about this direct collusion between elected officials and the CEO of twitter
Vanity UN-Fair…get it? Honestly think this is an original Elon. It seems like the sort of thing he would feel was hilarious
so mad at bluechecks that you end up with a system that is
a: redundant (double badging!) and confusing and
b: looks like the unicode fake verification the lamest goobers used to do
Twitter turning into ‘Elon forcing his terrible boomer ass tweets down everyone’s throats’ is exceeding my wildest expectations
And at least jay stile sold his site at a profit
I mean he hates trans people because he got dumped for a trans woman and he hates black people because his family isn't allowed to enslave them anymore, so Ron "talking about trans people or black people in schools is now illegal" DeSantis is a perfect fit
oh my fucking god this is over his "go eagles" tweet that he deleted by the next morning
he's going to make his last remaining engineer force everyone to like 5 of musk's tweets before they can see one post on their timeline
just hard-code a 2M "like" head start onto every one of his tweets, maybe that'll shut him up
the future is being written entirely by pathetic idiot babymen
https://www.platformer.news/p/yes-elon-musk-created-a-special-system
My man was refreshing his tweet staring at his view count the whole time he was at the Super Bowl and then, instead of going to an after party orgy like a normal billionaire, got right on his private jet to yell at tired engineers who scrambled down to the office on a Sunday night.
Winning!
Imagining him calling an all-hands codeathon session to get this "problem" "fixed", frantically hoping they can do it without anybody outside the company finding out, because that's like the only thing that he really fears, being seen as a pitiful needy dweeb who has to buy his likes
All depends on secrecy. Every aspect of his self-worth hangs on whether they can make this work without anyone finding out.
And like two days later, boom lmao
I mean it wasn’t subtle. Overnight he was literally the only thing that would show up in that “for you” thing. Everyone noticed that twitter was forcing musk tweets to the top of the timeline, and anyone with a greater than baseline capacity for pattern recognition than him immediately connected the dots and figured out what he’d done.
I just didn’t realize the reason was even pettier than even we could imagine
Truly, reality is even more pathetic than the theories we come up with as a joke. The billionaire threw a toddler tantrum because the president of the United States got more engagement than he did. And he even deleted the tweet that started this with, I can only assume, tears of impotent rage in his little eyes.
This might genuinely be the most pathetic thing I have ever seen.
Guess that’s the end of the blocking feature...
I feel like the twitter engineers going to be up for another long day tomorrow
Wasn't it only like just a week ago that he was crowing about how he had saved Twitter from bankruptcy?
"trending toward breakeven" or some such nonsense lol
https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/15/elon-musk-aiming-to-appoint-new-twitter-ceo-by-end-of-2023.html
Another expose on twitter internals:
-Elon is on meth 24/7 and running things like a cartoon caricature of steve jobs, making everyone do 80 hour weeks and firing them for cause if they say the wrong word
-Twitter now has 1 principal engineer (he fired the other one for telling him he’s not popular)
-Elon also suggested banning everyone not from the US or Japan to cut costs and make the whole thing a subscription service
https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-twitter-tesla-crisis-mood-intensity-2023-2
people's accounts are getting all their likes deleted if they dm someone a link
lol why are likes being visible delayed? lonny must have chewed through enough cables to start breaking things in interesting ways
Damn, the man is desperate
I’m building a house but holding 50 tweets in escrow til they finish the carpet
jesus christ he's doing the dril tweet irl
this is all so pathetic
really funny that he's claiming a 'review' proves it's false but not actually posting any data
https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/02/16/elon-musk-twitter/
the reduced engagement simply cannot be a result of people being driven off of the platform by elon's behavior or elon's shitty fucking tweets. he's posting just as well as he always has, and he has a hundred million followers. how many folllowers do you have??? aha exactly, not that many friend journalist!!! gottem
he literally can't face the reality that he simply is a repellent man baby with the worlds thinnest skin, he has to insist that no he's actually been posting bangers this whole time
im laughing actually! hahaha. ha ha! these simpletons could not possibly imagine what it is like to be as smart and beloved as the technoking. peons. urchins. you are correct doge designer
so pissed about paying those service costs and couldn't prove definitively that the vendors were explicitly scamming the company that he's scrapping an industry wide best practices feature
what could go wrong
Great start to his plan to turn Twitter into some sort of payment provider
Twitter: had all the big mainstream brands that you'd see advertising on TV during the superbowl (but no longer)
Instragram: all the ads are for fake face creams or real pyramid schemes
Elon thinking Insta was something to emulate explains a lot
Lol the newest twitter files is just whining about how nobody cares about the twitter files
he’s trying to retcon it to make it seem like he claimed it was both the sides in his Twitter Files bullshit and not just the very obvious slant Musk wanted against THE LEFTISTS plus the GOP accidentally gave away the game by making ex-Twitter employees testify that it was really Trump and the GOP threatening Twitter to take down posts and with Musk not caring about this shit anymore and more focused on his engagement numbers Taibbi is left to flail trying to get any credibility back from it all
Ah, figures that Elon firing most of the workers got rid of everyone fighting the actual SMS fraud so he got hit by a big bill and now he thinks paywalling sms 2fa will fix it (it won't)
Someone pointed out that Biden went to the Ukraine today and it didn't trend once despite posts being liked by 50k +.
Elmo is such a little bitch lol
For some reason all of Elon's buddies love Putin, must be a coincidence
if scolding stone is the best he's got maybe it's good that he usually steals others jokes
Luv 2 schedule downtime for routine maintenance at mid-day on Wednesday
pushing half-developed features to prod is fine, just add a flag to hide them in the clientside javascript
this person has already accomplished more than geohotz ever managed
lmao, what a gross stain of a human
Also Zuby continues to be this weird crazy nexus of "Guy who utterly irrelevant and inconsequential even on Twitter, yet all the Worst People You Know are real big fans of him somehow"
here is a nice pithy encapsulation of bazinga logic
maybe he should run less companies if his goal is to get us to mars
maybe he's not actually that interested in getting us to mars if he's running several companies at once and they're all flailing about randomly
elon stopped paying his salesforce bills and slack died
https://fortune.com/2023/02/08/twitter-cost-cutting-software-salesforce-elon-musk/
imagine all the institutional knowledge that just went up in smoke, whoops!
good thing they still have all their longtime/senior employees with things locked up tight in the brain vau-- oh. oh no.
I'm sure there was no important automated services that relied on it either
If I’m slack I keep the lights on to keep racking up payments and fuck over Elon then sue lmao
https://www.platformer.news/p/new-cracks-emerge-in-elon-musks-twitter
can't wait for Matt Taibbi to post a 42-tweets long thread about this
"That same day, Jira — a tool Twitter uses to track everything from progress on feature updates to regulatory compliance — also stopped working. With no way to chat and no code to ship, most engineers took the day off.
Jira access was restored on Thursday.
Slack remained down at the company on Thursday. While some employees communicated over email, others essentially took a second day off."
https://www.theverge.com/2023/2/24/23613288/twitter-slack-jira-outages-performance-degradation
Rod Hilton@cspam hahahahaha his big rev-share plan is to pay people with NFTs, I should have expected that but didn't.
Half Cocked Law@cspam Ugh, of course they're using 5th Edition rules.
@cspam he'll only post it if WaPo and the NYTimes promise to retweet it.
Nani@cspam follow me
toxtethogrady@cspam Let's stick to basics: it has a hard time standing upright...
@cspam Do you really have the patience to read a 42-tweet long screed by Matt Taibbi?🤔
Tom Bellin 
@cspam Musk is 100% going to say some bullsh*t about Twitter not honoring these requests, and Taibbi is going to applaud him.
Thomas
gemstar 
@cspam maybe he’s not running any companies at all if he’s spread so thin he can’t pay the bills.
Arthur 🇨🇦 
@cspam I remember when I thought "hey! electric car! internet everywhere! these are all good ideas... So I'm glad he's pushing them!
Imagine my disappointment when I learned he was another capitalist rat f**k sales person.
LAUREN@cspam
He bought a weapon. He is using that weapon to undermine society (which he believes is a bad thing) and will file Chapter 11 before all is said and done. The more fascist, the better.
He bought a weapon. He is using that weapon to undermine society (which he believes is a bad thing) and will file Chapter 11 before all is said and done. The more fascist, the better.
🤖 The Droid Engineer (⊙﹏⊙)@cspam
Why would any foreign power even *think* an American, let alone an entire American political party, would betray their country and support an adversarial nation?
Why would any foreign power even *think* an American, let alone an entire American political party, would betray their country and support an adversarial nation?
Andrew Miller@cspam God Elon is so fucking stupid
Robin from Colorado 🇺🇸🇺🇦@cspam his humiliation is my constant joy. The ego on that man makes it fun
David@cspam The paywalling part was probably Elon's idea.
NotMyBub 
@cspam I mean. Authentication apps are free.
Warren Terra@cspam
Apparently any tweet that links to a China Daily article saying Tesla is struggling to sell cars in China, can only do it by slashing prices, can only be "liked" after viewing a warning telling the user to think twice.
The article:
https://www.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202302/20/WS63f2ccdfa31057c47ebafae2.html
A little Twitter thread:
https://twitter.com/B_Nied/status/1627848988677361664
The warning message says "Help keep Twitter a place for reliable info. Find out more before liking this tweet."
There is no easy way to "find out more" before liking the tweet.
@warren__terra The funniest part is it crashing people's phone apps when they hit like
Steven Savage@cspam Eventually it'll be wining about no one caring about no one caring about no one caring about the Twitter files.
@StevenSavage @cspam The obvious final step will be it disappearing up its own rectum.
Lee Fife@cspam heh heh heh ...
Adam Gessaman 
@cspam is there a definitive account of what happened to Matt Taibbi to bring him this low?
Todd Smith
Brian Hogg@cspam “why is nobody paying attention to our non-story?!?!”
Just Call Me Frank 
@cspam the one time i bought something on Instagram that was being advertised to me it turned out to be scam...so you have a valid point imo.
Paul Douglas@cspam “almost everyone on Instagram [buys things advertised on Instagram]” 🙃