They didn't
Watching them try to launch all these new idiotic features completely live and untested and then rapidly change their mind is a bit like watching a Tesla try to repeatedly try and fail to auto-park. And noticing that it really, really wants to put itself across a nearby set of train tracks...
and another thing: im not a paid bootlicker. please dont put in the newspaper that i am a paid bootlicker

lmao, "we found out your epic posts were overloading the mainframe sir"

Some engineer did a fantastic job of saving probably their entire team's jobs by pulling that whopper of a lie out of their ass

lmao he probably thinks ddos is when normal people aren't being force-fed catturd2 posts

Good to know me #BlockTheBlue'ing is killing Musk's site

This is the Roko's basilisk Elon fears, a chat program that says “trans rights”

lmfao the replies on that are just garbage ass feature requests, complaints, crypto grifters, billionaire boot lickers and shitty memes

extremely funny that he paid billions to be King Mod and has managed to fuckup his dogshit website so badly that now no one sees his terrible posts

This could be solved incredibly easily by just making “following” a simple chronological feed just like everybody wants, but, no, the Boer must have muh elgerithim

uh oh

Throwing daily jargon updates at the customer is a sign the project is going super well!

he has no idea what any of this means

lmaoooooo

didn't spend ad dollars, just had the intern post a youtube link to their commercial

lol I totally it was supposed to be New API Day
Everything is going swimmingly
Twitter is just showing everyone all of Elon Musk’s tweets now

Twitter’s showing an excess of tweets and replies from Elon Musk on some users’ For You feeds. This comes just days after Musk complained about not getting enough views on the platform.

The Verge
Time to block him if you haven't already, so we can see what else he'll fuck up as he worms his way around the blocks
more late night freak shit
Can't wait to read the twitter files about this direct collusion between elected officials and the CEO of twitter
Vanity UN-Fair…get it? Honestly think this is an original Elon. It seems like the sort of thing he would feel was hilarious
Gentlemen

so mad at bluechecks that you end up with a system that is

a: redundant (double badging!) and confusing and

b: looks like the unicode fake verification the lamest goobers used to do

Twitter turning into ‘Elon forcing his terrible boomer ass tweets down everyone’s throats’ is exceeding my wildest expectations

And at least jay stile sold his site at a profit

I mean he hates trans people because he got dumped for a trans woman and he hates black people because his family isn't allowed to enslave them anymore, so Ron "talking about trans people or black people in schools is now illegal" DeSantis is a perfect fit

oh my fucking god this is over his "go eagles" tweet that he deleted by the next morning

he's going to make his last remaining engineer force everyone to like 5 of musk's tweets before they can see one post on their timeline

just hard-code a 2M "like" head start onto every one of his tweets, maybe that'll shut him up

the future is being written entirely by pathetic idiot babymen

https://www.platformer.news/p/yes-elon-musk-created-a-special-system

Yes, Elon Musk created a special system for showing you all his tweets first

After his Super Bowl tweet did worse numbers than President Biden’s, Twitter’s CEO ordered major changes to the algorithm

Platformer

My man was refreshing his tweet staring at his view count the whole time he was at the Super Bowl and then, instead of going to an after party orgy like a normal billionaire, got right on his private jet to yell at tired engineers who scrambled down to the office on a Sunday night.

Winning!

Imagining him calling an all-hands codeathon session to get this "problem" "fixed", frantically hoping they can do it without anybody outside the company finding out, because that's like the only thing that he really fears, being seen as a pitiful needy dweeb who has to buy his likes

All depends on secrecy. Every aspect of his self-worth hangs on whether they can make this work without anyone finding out.

And like two days later, boom lmao

I mean it wasn’t subtle. Overnight he was literally the only thing that would show up in that “for you” thing. Everyone noticed that twitter was forcing musk tweets to the top of the timeline, and anyone with a greater than baseline capacity for pattern recognition than him immediately connected the dots and figured out what he’d done.

I just didn’t realize the reason was even pettier than even we could imagine

Truly, reality is even more pathetic than the theories we come up with as a joke. The billionaire threw a toddler tantrum because the president of the United States got more engagement than he did. And he even deleted the tweet that started this with, I can only assume, tears of impotent rage in his little eyes.

This might genuinely be the most pathetic thing I have ever seen.

He is the world's largest piss baby lmao

Guess that’s the end of the blocking feature...

I feel like the twitter engineers going to be up for another long day tomorrow

ALL HANDS ON DECK

BABBY HAS A POOPY DIAPEY

Wasn't it only like just a week ago that he was crowing about how he had saved Twitter from bankruptcy?

"trending toward breakeven" or some such nonsense lol

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/15/elon-musk-aiming-to-appoint-new-twitter-ceo-by-end-of-2023.html

Elon Musk aiming to appoint his successor as Twitter CEO by the end of 2023

Elon Musk said Wednesday that he might be able to appoint his successor as Twitter CEO by the end of 2023.

CNBC

Another expose on twitter internals:

-Elon is on meth 24/7 and running things like a cartoon caricature of steve jobs, making everyone do 80 hour weeks and firing them for cause if they say the wrong word

-Twitter now has 1 principal engineer (he fired the other one for telling him he’s not popular)

-Elon also suggested banning everyone not from the US or Japan to cut costs and make the whole thing a subscription service

https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-twitter-tesla-crisis-mood-intensity-2023-2

Elon Musk mood, intensity at Twitter worse than in Tesla crisis: staff

Elon Musk has called an earlier stretch at Tesla the "most difficult" of his career. His employees say his time at Twitter is proving worse.

Insider
people's accounts are getting all their likes deleted if they dm someone a link
lol why are likes being visible delayed? lonny must have chewed through enough cables to start breaking things in interesting ways
The one time Colbert has been funny since the Colbert Report:
Doobie-us: Pot ads come to Twitter amid cannabis industry collapse

Weed delivery services could be advertising on Twitter feeds soon.

Ars Technica
I’m building a house but holding 50 tweets in escrow til they finish the carpet

jesus christ he's doing the dril tweet irl

this is all so pathetic

really funny that he's claiming a 'review' proves it's false but not actually posting any data

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/02/16/elon-musk-twitter/

Elon Musk reinvents Twitter for the benefit of a power user: Himself

Elon Musk has rolled out major changes at Twitter — many of which have targeted his own experience, but not that of millions of regular users of the site.

The Washington Post
surely this will convince the advertisers to return
can’t wait to be shown even more ads for “what is a woman”
Elon Musk Reportedly Woke Up Twitter Engineers at 2AM Because His Super Bowl Tweet Wasn’t Getting Enough Likes

Elon Musk woke up Twitter engineers at 2am because his Super Bowl tweet wasn't getting as many likes as Joe Biden's.

The Chainsaw

the reduced engagement simply cannot be a result of people being driven off of the platform by elon's behavior or elon's shitty fucking tweets. he's posting just as well as he always has, and he has a hundred million followers. how many folllowers do you have??? aha exactly, not that many friend journalist!!! gottem

he literally can't face the reality that he simply is a repellent man baby with the worlds thinnest skin, he has to insist that no he's actually been posting bangers this whole time

im laughing actually! hahaha. ha ha! these simpletons could not possibly imagine what it is like to be as smart and beloved as the technoking. peons. urchins. you are correct doge designer
a good comment on that Little Joel video

so pissed about paying those service costs and couldn't prove definitively that the vendors were explicitly scamming the company that he's scrapping an industry wide best practices feature

what could go wrong

"Look, I’m not obsessed with getting your attention"
lol hell yeah let's fucking go
Great start to his plan to turn Twitter into some sort of payment provider
just scrounging for more change in the cushions

Twitter: had all the big mainstream brands that you'd see advertising on TV during the superbowl (but no longer)

Instragram: all the ads are for fake face creams or real pyramid schemes

Elon thinking Insta was something to emulate explains a lot

Lol the newest twitter files is just whining about how nobody cares about the twitter files
he’s trying to retcon it to make it seem like he claimed it was both the sides in his Twitter Files bullshit and not just the very obvious slant Musk wanted against THE LEFTISTS plus the GOP accidentally gave away the game by making ex-Twitter employees testify that it was really Trump and the GOP threatening Twitter to take down posts and with Musk not caring about this shit anymore and more focused on his engagement numbers Taibbi is left to flail trying to get any credibility back from it all

Ah, figures that Elon firing most of the workers got rid of everyone fighting the actual SMS fraud so he got hit by a big bill and now he thinks paywalling sms 2fa will fix it (it won't)

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1626999229401948163.html

Thread by @EricAschner on Thread Reader App

@EricAschner: I think I have a pretty good idea what happened with the SMS decision yesterday. Some people are mentioning Elon talked about fraud creating high costs for SMS 2FA. (Account security via login codes se...…

Who else is using Twitter anymore?

Someone pointed out that Biden went to the Ukraine today and it didn't trend once despite posts being liked by 50k +.

Elmo is such a little bitch lol

Angus King’s list of ‘suspicious’ Twitter accounts included political critics

Almost all of the flagged accounts were conservative and appear to be under anonymous handles.

Bangor Daily News
For some reason all of Elon's buddies love Putin, must be a coincidence

if scolding stone is the best he's got maybe it's good that he usually steals others jokes

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/tesla-sexual-harassment-lawsuit-investigation-elon-musk-1234590697/

Tesla Accusers Speak: 'How Many Women Were Abused to Make That Car?'

Seven women are suing the Elon Musk-led company, alleging sexual harassment

Rolling Stone
Luv 2 schedule downtime for routine maintenance at mid-day on Wednesday
elon's twitter producing fresh new horrors!
truer words were seldom spoken, dril
@cspam
He bought a weapon. He is using that weapon to undermine society (which he believes is a bad thing) and will file Chapter 11 before all is said and done. The more fascist, the better.
@cspam
Why would any foreign power even *think* an American, let alone an entire American political party, would betray their country and support an adversarial nation?
@cspam God Elon is so fucking stupid
@cspam his humiliation is my constant joy. The ego on that man makes it fun
@cspam The paywalling part was probably Elon's idea.
@cspam I mean. Authentication apps are free.

@cspam
Apparently any tweet that links to a China Daily article saying Tesla is struggling to sell cars in China, can only do it by slashing prices, can only be "liked" after viewing a warning telling the user to think twice.

The article:
https://www.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202302/20/WS63f2ccdfa31057c47ebafae2.html

A little Twitter thread:
https://twitter.com/B_Nied/status/1627848988677361664

The warning message says "Help keep Twitter a place for reliable info. Find out more before liking this tweet."

There is no easy way to "find out more" before liking the tweet.

'Limited lineup a problem for Tesla'

Slashed prices have given Tesla's Chinese sales a boost, but analysts and even fans, are warning the United States' automaker needs to raise its long game to avoid choking on the dust of fast-moving rivals in the world's biggest electric vehicle market.

@warren__terra The funniest part is it crashing people's phone apps when they hit like
@cspam Eventually it'll be wining about no one caring about no one caring about no one caring about the Twitter files.
@StevenSavage @cspam The obvious final step will be it disappearing up its own rectum.
@trz @cspam it's got a damn good start.
@cspam is there a definitive account of what happened to Matt Taibbi to bring him this low?
@adam @cspam Just a bit of minor brain surgery... no side effects at all.
@cspam “why is nobody paying attention to our non-story?!?!”
@cspam the one time i bought something on Instagram that was being advertised to me it turned out to be scam...so you have a valid point imo.
@cspam “almost everyone on Instagram [buys things advertised on Instagram]” 🙃
@cspam in all fairness a lot of people have been hacked using the sim swapped method. Including Jack Dorsey. And it alleara you can still use other 2fa methods. So overall not a huge loss but appears very bad.
@cspam Guess how many people will not be aware of this within a month and lose access to their Twitter account. 🤦

@cspam LOL. It is like he is deliberately trying to push away everyone.

I'm guessing we are one month away from Musk making it impossible to block or mute paid users.

@cspam if they can pay they rent….
@cspam he is a desperate loser
@cspam lol, the last part is a tell. You can already adjust the algo and if you work it well, you can get a pretty good Twitter experience. Mine was great until some rich doofus ruined it.
@cspam is he going to strip the telephone lines for copper next?
@cspam This whole thing about how "no tweet has ever done as well as his cocaine tweet" belies so much. It's all so incredibly depressing. 🫥
@cspam the term Hungry Ghost (from Buddhism) is perfect. Musk is need without satisfaction, grasping for something he can't have because he thinks the grasping brings meaning.
@cspam If this doesn't teach everyone that an audience doesn't mean you have any idea what the fuck you are talking about I don't know what will.
@cspam that coca-cola tweet seems to honestly be the thing he’s most proud of in life. It’s so fascinatingly pathetic
@cspam If the man had anything other than rotting gerbil meat in his head, he might find it ironic that Edward Snowden was also a "disgruntled employee on PTO for months" when the NSA leaks broke (because I'm pretty sure, even without searching, that Elon is not a huge stan for the intel community).
@cspam The fake threat of legal action that will never happen is so reminiscent of Trump.