Twitter Death Cult
"Elon, I showed my bad posts to everyone and barely anyone liked them!"
"For some unknown reason nobody likes any of the weird freaks I keep shoving into everyone's timeline!"
I do have to give elon credit, making the tweet view metrics public is starting to cause a lot of petty people who are addicted to validation either feeling bad about it or pointing fingers at elon because these numbers can't possibly be right everyone loves my posts
Everything he says he's done, he's done the opposite
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/06/technology/twitter-child-sex-abuse.html
All grifters, all liars, all the time
https://www.thedailybeast.com/eliza-bleus-own-friends-arent-buying-her-trafficking-story
People don't ask me "where moon" but then again I haven't promised anyone we're living on Mars in 10 years 10 years ago
also probably safe to assume that a doge name or avatar means that the person is one of elon's paid lackies
I really wanna know the turnaround time from Elon dictating the terms and the code being deployed.
Also isn't that really going to fuck over companies that offer user support via Twitter? Of course they'll soon offer an option to bypass those limits for $11 a day or something.
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/digital/twitter-limits-tweet-frequency-1235320995/
An example of how stupid this is. To DM Xfinity Support, you need to follow each other since so many accounts have closed DMs. But Xfinity Support can't follow any new accounts until they unfollow 133,000 accounts. So they won't be able to interact with customers.
https://twitter.com/xfinitysupport
lol
guys the superbowl is this week. nobody is going home.
or perhaps people will be going home... they just won't be coming back
JUST ANOTHER DAY Vivian Ann Romero, Ernesto J Bautista & Rodney Alejandro
she's so fuckin dumb she doesn't know they're also pretty goddamn happy that dude bought them out for 44 billion
https://www.thedailybeast.com/republicans-bow-down-to-twitter-chief-at-hearing-god-bless-elon-musk
he vastly, vastly overestimates the amount of blood he can squeeze from the stone that is twitter and he'll end up killing it trying to get the last drop, like lmao why the HELL would you fuck with the ability to SOCIALIZE on a SOCIAL NETWORK, then have the audacity to charge for it???
they're gonna do all this bullshit tweaking and pissing off everyone by limiting follows or whatever then check the balance sheet at the end of the month and see only 0.01% of users forked over cash
I imagine he is getting blocked by a lot of people right now, driving down even accidental engagement.
https://www.platformer.news/p/elon-musk-fires-a-top-twitter-engineer
This is a combination of sad and hilarious, because:
1) Those estimates are annualized figures based on the advertisers Twitter had at the beginning of the year and tons of major ad supporters bailed on Twitter in the first few months. So, even that figure of $19 million is likely way lower.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/02/09/twitter-ads-revenue-suspended-account/
"Just yesterday, Twitter experienced a mass outage...
Apparently, an employee unintentionally deleted data for the “internal service that sets rate limits for using Twitter,” the outlet wrote. The team of people that used to manage the rate limit service haven’t been employed at Twitter since November.
“As the adage goes, ‘you ship your org chart,’” one current employee told Platformer. “It’s chaos here right now, so we’re shipping chaos.”"
https://gizmodo.com/elon-musk-twitter-engineers-shadowban-engagement-1850096392
it usually doesn’t not go well when a female assault victim changes their story. juries get very skeptical, and a lot of assholes become extremely hostile against the victim.
perhaps she should have taken advice from a victim’s advocate before deciding to do this, or just watched an episode of law & order: svu
if she was sane she'd have enough of a Simp Surplus to get people to defend her music video days.
She made the mistake of CANCELING right wingers, by reporting them on YouTube for posting the video. They got banned or suspended or something which made them lose their shit and that's when things started crashing down on her.
elon musk has figured out the one weird trick for not having to pay the employees you fired: make them sign arbitration agreements, then don't select arbitrators or pay the arbitration firms
"the company is refusing to pay its share of filing fees to the arbitration company... in cases where the arbitration agreement does not specify a particular arbitration firm, Twitter will not agree on selecting an arbitrator, simply ignoring her emails to Twitter’s own lawyers."
Ex-Employees Suing Twitter Say It's Not Cooperating On Arbitration, Asks To Keep Case In Court
An attorney who says she represents approximately one-third of all Twitter employees that were fired since Elon Musk bought the company late last year, told a federal court in a new filing that the company is not serious in its attempts to resolve worker disputes through private arbitration and i...
bah! who needs ads when that sweet sweet $8/mo subscription revenue is flowing in?
https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/10/tech/twitter-top-advertiser-decline
lmao, "we found out your epic posts were overloading the mainframe sir"
Some engineer did a fantastic job of saving probably their entire team's jobs by pulling that whopper of a lie out of their ass
lmao he probably thinks ddos is when normal people aren't being force-fed catturd2 posts
Good to know me #BlockTheBlue'ing is killing Musk's site
lmfao the replies on that are just garbage ass feature requests, complaints, crypto grifters, billionaire boot lickers and shitty memes
extremely funny that he paid billions to be King Mod and has managed to fuckup his dogshit website so badly that now no one sees his terrible posts
This could be solved incredibly easily by just making “following” a simple chronological feed just like everybody wants, but, no, the Boer must have muh elgerithim
Throwing daily jargon updates at the customer is a sign the project is going super well!
he has no idea what any of this means
lmaoooooo
didn't spend ad dollars, just had the intern post a youtube link to their commercial
Finally, twitter is fixed
https://www.theverge.com/2023/2/13/23598514/twitter-algorithm-elon-musk-tweets
so mad at bluechecks that you end up with a system that is
a: redundant (double badging!) and confusing and
b: looks like the unicode fake verification the lamest goobers used to do
Twitter turning into ‘Elon forcing his terrible boomer ass tweets down everyone’s throats’ is exceeding my wildest expectations
And at least jay stile sold his site at a profit
oh my fucking god this is over his "go eagles" tweet that he deleted by the next morning
he's going to make his last remaining engineer force everyone to like 5 of musk's tweets before they can see one post on their timeline
just hard-code a 2M "like" head start onto every one of his tweets, maybe that'll shut him up
the future is being written entirely by pathetic idiot babymen
https://www.platformer.news/p/yes-elon-musk-created-a-special-system
My man was refreshing his tweet staring at his view count the whole time he was at the Super Bowl and then, instead of going to an after party orgy like a normal billionaire, got right on his private jet to yell at tired engineers who scrambled down to the office on a Sunday night.
Winning!
Imagining him calling an all-hands codeathon session to get this "problem" "fixed", frantically hoping they can do it without anybody outside the company finding out, because that's like the only thing that he really fears, being seen as a pitiful needy dweeb who has to buy his likes
All depends on secrecy. Every aspect of his self-worth hangs on whether they can make this work without anyone finding out.
And like two days later, boom lmao
I mean it wasn’t subtle. Overnight he was literally the only thing that would show up in that “for you” thing. Everyone noticed that twitter was forcing musk tweets to the top of the timeline, and anyone with a greater than baseline capacity for pattern recognition than him immediately connected the dots and figured out what he’d done.
I just didn’t realize the reason was even pettier than even we could imagine
Truly, reality is even more pathetic than the theories we come up with as a joke. The billionaire threw a toddler tantrum because the president of the United States got more engagement than he did. And he even deleted the tweet that started this with, I can only assume, tears of impotent rage in his little eyes.
This might genuinely be the most pathetic thing I have ever seen.
Guess that’s the end of the blocking feature...
I feel like the twitter engineers going to be up for another long day tomorrow
Wasn't it only like just a week ago that he was crowing about how he had saved Twitter from bankruptcy?
"trending toward breakeven" or some such nonsense lol
https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/15/elon-musk-aiming-to-appoint-new-twitter-ceo-by-end-of-2023.html
🌲🧿 "Max"t💽d🏵️n 🔎🍄
Thomas
Sheldon@cspam LOL, completely not surprised that's trending on #Twitter. If the algo is telling you that your act is no longer popular, the fastest way to become even less popular is to force everyone to watch your failing standup routine.
I just dropped in on Twitter yesterday, saw him recommended at the top of my feed and blocked him. I almost never block anyone. Can't even mute b/c then the "Tweet from an account you muted" will keep annoying you. People will start blocking quite liberally.
wellactually
smells of bikes
gemstar 
Martha Howell
Brad Kitayama-Moore
Mike Fraser
Parker Molloy
Keef86
Renée
Me
malena
TransitBikerHe wasn't main character enough so he had to programmatically make himself the main character.
"Social media network owned by insecure billionaire makes everybody see all the posts of that billionaire" is so extremely pathetic that it'd feel like a reach even in fiction. Can't believe it's actually happening.
Jan
Colin Sullender (@[email protected])
Attached: 1 image @[email protected] How long until the rebrand?
JohnW