Jay Dawson
Autism 101 
Small talk and conversations can be really hard for autistic people. What are some areas you find difficult?
Friend Shaped Russ 
I get so worried about what facial expressions I’m having, the amount of times people told me I look “lost” all the time, meanwhile I have no idea what the hell that even means let alone, how am I supposed to look when I’m trying to do something or look for something?
hedwyg@autism101 @actuallyautistic I think... I do the small talk thing to begin a conversation, "how are you" and asking about either some connection I have with them or worst case the weather. I know I'm enacting a ritual, and I don't know how to transition from small talk to "big talk," so I just do it. "Okay great, so I have a question for you."
Is that how NT people do it? I sometimes wonder, in bed late at night...
Liakaiy 🏳️🌈@hedwyg @autism101 @actuallyautistic
My experience shows, that they just start after a short smalltalk (ST) with something loo like „Yesterday I wondered about [topic], do you know [what, why, if, when, how]. Sometimes even just start without ST like „Hi [name], good that we meet, I have a question.“ So, I guess you can do it either way, and no one really cares. 👍🏻
My experience shows, that they just start after a short smalltalk (ST) with something loo like „Yesterday I wondered about [topic], do you know [what, why, if, when, how]. Sometimes even just start without ST like „Hi [name], good that we meet, I have a question.“ So, I guess you can do it either way, and no one really cares. 👍🏻
Aerliss@hedwyg @autism101 @actuallyautistic I jump right in. If I start with small talk I'm wasting everyone's time but more importantly I'll forget why I'm there 😅
Nix 🏳️🌈@hedwyg @autism101 @actuallyautistic yes! How to you…make it go somewhere without asking questions? Or trying to relate something to yourself? It’s so awkward as it dies. And texting is even worse 😅.
@Nixie_Bug @autism101 @actuallyautistic Uh oh... are you agreeing or sincerely asking? I'm going to assume you're sincerely asking, so I hope you won't be offended by my attempt to answer...
At work, I try to remember where people live (and any connections I have to those places). If it's someone from a different company, I'll use the company website and LinkedIn to get a little intel. It feels a little creepy, but then people seem flattered when you ask about something like this.
@Nixie_Bug @autism101 @actuallyautistic But yeah... when I run out of small talk, it's often just "So anyway..." But NT people know they have to transition from "small talk" to "real talk," and they seem to understand that the pivot is sometimes clunky. I try to remember to smile; that seems to help a lot. Sort of "We both know that this is awkward, but we can appreciate that and move forward." :)
@hedwyg @autism101 @actuallyautistic Thanks! That is nice to know. That does make me realize if I know I’m meeting someone I will look into their information beforehand if possible to help me. Body language for a transition is a new one that seems like a good one to try. I appreciate it!
Erin🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🍻🖖☘️🦖💥🍪@hedwyg @Nixie_Bug @autism101 @actuallyautistic I'm ND but allistic. Gotta do that pivot in Teams meetings all the time at work. Isn't usually awkward, just the cost of doing business.
Sometimes the other parties want to keep going with the small talk so you gotta pivot more than once. That's harder, but it gets done.
Professional Blimp 
@autism101 @actuallyautistic
I think I've gotten too good at masking when I can say that I don't experience most of those. Not sure if that's a good thing
I think I've gotten too good at masking when I can say that I don't experience most of those. Not sure if that's a good thing
Ignis 小火龙@autism101 This should be a bingo card.
LaminaJayneHa! I was thinking the same thing! Though, I'm not sure how good of a bingo game it would be when I can check off nearly every box :D.
sentient water
Female-presenting nipples@autism101 @actuallyautistic I tend to avoid conversation in real life. Flight or freeze modes get engaged a lot, and if I've actually tried to have a conversation, it feels like it saps my energy for hours afterwards (unless it's with someone who shares a special interest of mine, in which case it can feel quite energising, especially if they're also autistic).
Aaron@FuchsiaShock yeah i know how you feel. I'm fine with minimal talking and just hanging out looking at nature or something
Anna@FuchsiaShock @autism101 @actuallyautistic As a non-autistic person I cannot fully empathise but would like to know more about how I can help during conversations. I am a teacher and have lots of experience with teens and have learned some strategies but a lot of students I work with are quite high functioning so I don't always know how I can do it better.
Loops 🍑 
@jellycrystals @FuchsiaShock @autism101 first up, please note that functioning labels are discouraged as they are typically used to label outside observations of autistics rather than accurately describe their experiences. The current practice is instead to talk about differing levels of support needs. I can see you're coming from a place of support, so I apologize if this comes off as scolding. Thank you for caring ☺️
To get into your real question (please remember I can only really speak on my own behalf), a lot of these are masking behaviours, or anxiety around successfully masking. Helping those is often about feeling free of worry that I'll be judged for certain behaviours. Others are to do with the environment.
The TL;DR is: allow people to be part of the discussion on their own terms, in an environment that adds as little extra stress as possible. I'm happy to dive into some experience I can share, but don't want to bombard (it's already long and it got big when I tried to be specific 😅)
@loops @FuchsiaShock @autism101 Hey I appreciate it, not scolding, I knew using the word was problematic but was unsure of what else to use. Thanks for being accepting. Your TL;DR is support that I am doing the right thing in the classroom at the moment. If you want to share with me, go ahead! Thanks again.
Wendy@jellycrystals @FuchsiaShock @autism101 @actuallyautistic
#Autistic students are all individuals with their own strengths and difficulties. Get to know what works for each individual.
To be brief:- be literal, be precise, keep it short. Tell us what to do precisely. Go light on the criticism. Follow up instructions in writing.
#Autistic students are all individuals with their own strengths and difficulties. Get to know what works for each individual.
To be brief:- be literal, be precise, keep it short. Tell us what to do precisely. Go light on the criticism. Follow up instructions in writing.
Jeanne (spellboundblog)@MarmadukeCWest @jellycrystals @FuchsiaShock @autism101 @actuallyautistic
Yes! Precision and detailed grading criteria. My #Autistic kid would melt down at assignments with "no wrong answer". There was no way for them to be sure their efforts would satisfy the teacher, so they preferred to not try and would simply just not do them at all.
Yes! Precision and detailed grading criteria. My #Autistic kid would melt down at assignments with "no wrong answer". There was no way for them to be sure their efforts would satisfy the teacher, so they preferred to not try and would simply just not do them at all.
@jkramersmyth @MarmadukeCWest @FuchsiaShock @autism101 @actuallyautistic There is one subject in particular I can work on a little with this. It is a philosophy-adjacent subject that is hard to set a exemplar/criteria for. My usual subjects are chemistry and math so all tasks have clear answers! I will see what I can do better. Thank you.
@MarmadukeCWest @FuchsiaShock @autism101 @actuallyautistic I do my best to accommodate for all the students in the class, but I am sure you can understand that sometimes in a class of 25+ it can be difficult . The instructions (or extra ones I give) in writing is something I can add to class activities. Thanks!
The Doctor@autism101 @actuallyautistic Don't forget "I don't have anything to say."
Not an insult, just... Nothing to say. Silence is not bad.
Alexis@autism101 @actuallyautistic Blackout bingo. What do I win, besides the eternal suspicion of neurotypicals?
Autistic Dave Not-A-Bot@LexYeen @autism101 @actuallyautistic as a fellow autism bingo champion, that’s it. That’s all we get. However, the autism community is pretty awesome. Knowing you are part of such an amazing and diverse community is pretty cool.
Ed Ross@AutisticDAV3 @LexYeen @autism101 @actuallyautistic
It's certainly better than my previous thought that I was uniquely different as a human
It's certainly better than my previous thought that I was uniquely different as a human
@edaross @LexYeen @autism101 @actuallyautistic
I like the idea of feeling unique, just not at the expense of feeling alone.
I like the idea of feeling unique, just not at the expense of feeling alone.
highly principled invertebrate@autism101 @actuallyautistic "is it my turn?" Was probably the most frequent & infodumping a close 2nd.... But overall I've largely given up, I almost never actually talk to anyone beyond my husband in about 4.5 years now. I also don't really view preferring nature & animals over people, as a problem to struggle with, my brahma chickens will be 1 year old in 9 days & they can be both very talkative & cuddly creatures.
I know I almost never fit in with groups of people & that's fine with me, many of these other things are the similar, like "Smiling" too much is being a huge fake or drugged mess of a person so, it's not a goal to do anything but continue to be honest with my emotions.
@autism101
I've noticed that all of these got much, *much* worse since I've emigrated to a non-English speaking country. My hold on the language is improving, but it takes so much of my brain just to keep a handle on the language that everything else just kinda falls apart...
@actuallyautistic
I've noticed that all of these got much, *much* worse since I've emigrated to a non-English speaking country. My hold on the language is improving, but it takes so much of my brain just to keep a handle on the language that everything else just kinda falls apart...
@actuallyautistic
Mike W@autism101 @actuallyautistic interestingly I recognise about 90% of those traits in myself during interactions with strangers, but I'm not autistic. As a teacher I work with a lot of autistic students but never noticed it in myself until I read this. 🤔
@mikew12 @actuallyautistic I didn't find out I was autistic until last year. That experience is why I built my autism resource site. I clicked on a social media link that took me to an autism screening test (AQ). I scored really high, and that led me down the autism rabbit hole.
Víktor Bautista i RocaKids are ok, too, not only animals.
teemcp@autism101 @actuallyautistic Great graphic, but missing an ‘All of the above’ option.
Echo 
@autism101 @actuallyautistic all of it 😮💨 socialising is... *insert negative emotion*
cinja ♾️@autism101 @actuallyautistic quite a few of these. One example: I frequently go to a small, local coffee shop (great coffee, but they also never ask about my day) .. I've been going for years. They know my order, they know me. I *still* pretend to be reading and ordering off the menu board, all the while spinning my ring on my finger, instead of just looking at them and confirming when they ask if I'm getting my usual 🤷♂️
graphictruth
Pope not Calle of Flaxborough@autism101 @actuallyautistic Ouch. Trying to reintegrate with “regular” society after the lockdown years, mostly hanging out with cats, has been an eye-opener. Didn’t have a good measure of how specifically draining social interaction was before, when it was just the way it was, muddled with everything else.
#ADHD struggles blurring the lines and such, but I’m starting to feel the understatement in my diagnosis summary “ADHD with some [unspecified; sic] autistic traits”.
Devo 
🪴🌮🥃🍣
Okeley Dokely :audhd:
Haplogroup News 
@autism101 @[email protected] Major blocker. I don't see a point in small talk besides using up my spoons. Do you want small talk or do you want me to do something productive? You cannot have both.
ScottyThis is SO spot on it's almost like there are other people with brains like mine. . go figure. 😛
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ (Ju)@autism101 @actuallyautistic A funny thing that happened to me recently. I had an appointment and had to wait outside. Another person also had to wait outside. We both looked back and forth nervously asking what's going on and why looks so concerned.We found out that we were overwhelmed at because our number wasn't there yet. I asked a bit too directly: Do you have autism too?The person answers me yes.
Simon Alison@autism101 @actuallyautistic Small talk is dull and pointless … I tend to go straight from ‘Hello’ to ‘So what are your plans for your body after you die?’ …
@autism101 @actuallyautistic Even better when cultural differences and ADHD overlap with some of these. Fun times!
Lorry@autism101 @actuallyautistic I secretly admire the fact that the person who created the graphic managed not to put any two colours too close together using three colours and differently sized boxes... That would have annoyed me too much to read the information otherwise :)
AnnanNPF@autism101 @actuallyautistic how can I exit this talk to go back to work without being percived as rude.
@AnnanNPF @autism101 @actuallyautistic
Start talking about one of your hyper fixations, especially if it is niche and they will end it for you.
My personal go to is professional wrestling.
Hans K.@AnnanNPF @autism101 @actuallyautistic
My approach: Sorry to interrupt you, but I have a job that needs to be done because someone is waiting for my results. May I ask you that we continue about this later? - Thank you, that is very kind of you. CU.
My rule-based approach: (interruption) + (reason) + (suggestion to continue the conversation) + (thank you for understanding).
For this "rule" I have several answers for several situations 🙈
What do you think?
@PaulL @autism101 @actuallyautistic good ones. My strategy is to just fade away. Go when someone other is talking. If there is more people there. And the other if we are two is to look rushed and say there is a meeting. It is most often true.
Katie Babbles@AnnanNPF I think the best way to do it is a trailing off "Well..." as you look back toward your work and don't say anything else. That's a huge visual and auditory combined cue that tells most people you're wanting to leave the convo (neurotypical here, hoping it helps.) You just want the word to sound long and a bit like a sigh because you're basically shortening the communication of, "Well, I have nothing left to add to this conversation so let's end it here."
For me, every area is difficult, except the topics which are my special interests - and I talk about it;-)
Moss@autism101 @actuallyautistic physical gestures! It's all "don't stim, but don't be rigid, you have to move but in the 'right' way." Gross, ugh. Masking was so hard
Wonderdog@autism101 @actuallyautistic All of them!? Can I just do text and go home to my dog now, because I’m exhausted?
Paul Gifford@autism101 @actuallyautistic Having to rehearse things in my head so I can inflect appropriate emotions and sound concerned and sympathetic instead of sounding bluff, hearty and slightly too loud.
@PaulGifford @autism101 @actuallyautistic
I am often told my ‘tone’ is wrong.
It is ‘not what I say, but the way that I say it!’
Hence I prefer texting.
I am often told my ‘tone’ is wrong.
It is ‘not what I say, but the way that I say it!’
Hence I prefer texting.
@autism101 @MarmadukeCWest @actuallyautistic Texting is definitely the best way to communicate. It’s harder to be “insensitive” via text.