Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Influencers

Dunking my grilled cheese sandwich in a bowl of tomato bisque because I deserve some god damned happiness

I will forever be grateful that I was born at precisely the right time so that the quality of popular music peaked while I was in high school and college, and I wasn't saddled with the lesser musical tastes of people older or younger than me.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is $5.99 at Joe's Crab Shack. Love can be supersized for three dollars more and come with a jumbo popcorn shrimp. Love contains three times your daily limit of fiber. Love is on your porch. Love is breaking down your door. Love approaches. Run.

It's hard to break it to four-year-olds that their best years are behind them but they're going to find out sooner or later.

I don't mean to nitpick but the "I'm speechless" in "I'm speechless" should be silent

I can't believe fox news has never noticed that there are no white m&m's

a portable church called Mass Transit somebody write that down