Mastodawn

Wäre mein Baby ein Auto, wäre es ein Kreischler.
#momjokes #badumtss

Any good mom jokes accounts to follow?

I don't think i can have a baby. Someone who cries and shits their pants

shouldn’t be giving birth.

Sowas am Sonntag Morgen von der Liebsten... Ich plädiere dafür, es in #momjokes umzubenennen.

There exists a quantity of artificial butter flavor which people begin to truly believe it's not butter.

This is known as the margarine of error.

Yoinked from @kyrielle :

“It’s a wonder cats are so graceful, when they really shouldn’t be able to move at all.”

“Huh?”

“They’re always on paws.”

A: He checks the reverence manual.

I named my dogs Calvin and Klein. They're boxers.

The other day a woman asked if i wanted to exchange phone numbers, but I told her that would be confusing to anyone who wanted to call either of us.

I went to the pet store and asked if they had any chameleons. They said that had no frickin' clue.