Not with Stupid; I AM Stupid.You're not a Melburnian until....
1. 80% of your wardrobe is black.
2. When tourists are complaining about a lack of public toilets in the CBD, you know where to go when you really need to go.
3. You dodge toll roads and navigate backstreets like a local rally driver on a mission to beat the traffic.
4. You have very strong opinions about cafés. Like, friendships have ended over bad flat whites.
5. You've screamed internally (and externally) that surely there's a better system than myki. Surely.
6. You've braved Christmas crowds just to see Myer's windows.
7. The first weekend of October hits and you feel personally attacked by the lack of footy.
8. You'd rather take a detour than walk down Swanston Street during peak hours.
9. You've boarded a reverse-loop train like a tactical genius, just to outsmart the timetable and intercept your missed express at Parliament like it was a high-stakes spy mission.
10. You've told a tourist that Melbourne is so much better than Sydney and then offered them laneway directions.
11. You've used an umbrella, scarf, sunnies, sunscreen and thongs... and only just made it to lunchtime.
12. You've met someone "under the clocks" and still don't need to clarify which ones.
13. You've been in heated discussions about Fed Square.
14. You've eaten fish and chips at St Kilda beach while battling a seagull gang with zero fear of humans.
15. You've performed a hook turn successfully.
VioletI named my dogs Calvin and Klein. They're boxers.
The other day a woman asked if i wanted to exchange phone numbers, but I told her that would be confusing to anyone who wanted to call either of us.
I bought an original Van Gogh coffee table. I questioned its authenticity until I saw that it had a bit of veneer missing.
Mark12870I witnessed a terrible accident last night. Some guy fell off the roof of the nightclub. I don't know who he was, but he wasn't a bouncer.
They say the worst problem in a relationship is when one person never listens. Luckily, I've never heard my partner tell me that.
My foot hurts. I dropped a container of margarine on it two weeks ago. I can't believe it's not better!
I once, very briefly, worked at a bank. On my first day, a man asked me to check his balance. So I pushed him over.