My phone just farted!  

#farts #phone

Fun Fact: Over 99% of the volume of flatulence is odorless.

The odor comes from trace amounts (less than 1%) of sulfur-containing compounds.

So imagine what a mere 1-2% increase of those sulfur-containing compounds would do to a long road trip or a sleepover.

#flatulance #farts #gas #funfact

"What's the time?"

"It is farts o'clock, right now."

#time #farts

The man who farted higher than his own asshole.

#farts #asshole

Good grief!

What's going on at Johns Hopkins?

My primary care physician left.

Then the person I picked to replace him is leaving and cannot see me.

Now, my gastroenterologist is also leaving.

WTF????????????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!@!?

Did somebody fart in there?

(Re, the fart. I know Three Dog asked the same thing about Vault 101 in Fallout.)

#JohnsHopkins #farts #Fallout

Fart, the Magic Dragon

What?

You did not think this would eventually come?

#farts #PuffTheMagicDragon

"Greeting fartling! We come in peace."

"Fartling? I'm offended. Why not call me an Earthling?"

"Do you fart?"

"Well... yes."

"We do not fart. We prefer to focus on something that distinguishes you from us, so fartling it is."

#farts #fartlings #microfiction

For the love of everything sacred, when you put up your dating profile pics, make sure you don't look like you're smelling a fart in *all* of them.

Ask a friend if needed.

"Maybe they did ask a friend, and that friend turned out to be an enemy. Have you ever thought about that???"

No. 😭

#dating #OnlineDating #DatingPictures #SmellTheFartDating #farts

And now, Emily Post, on farts:

"Good housekeeping demands that you fold your farts neatly after usage."

This was Emily Post, on farts.

#farts #EmilyPost #housekeeping #etiquette

"I hear you're a fratboy."

"Not quite, I'm a fartboy."

#farts #frat