Brian Pagán (he/they)“Stop leading on autopilot: here's what to do instead.” Notes from Bianca Gfrei’s newsletter
The quote above was the subject line. That was a newsletter I had to read.
I’ve been struggling with autopilot for years, mostly without even knowing. But on April 7, 2014, I woke up hungover in a Warsaw hotel room - disheveled and looking into the angry, disappointed eyes of my (now ex-) girlfriend.
That was the moment I realized I’d been living my whole life on autopilot. That was also the moment when I decided to stop. It was so important that I had it tattooed on my arm as a reminder.
No more autopilot. Live consciously.
BE HERE NOW.
This is why Bianca’s transmission landed so completely for me. In one email, she summarizes some of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the last 16 years.
It opens with an honest question:
“When pressure rises (and it always does) what happens in you first?
Do you pause?
Or do you [react] before you've even realized you're [reacting]?”
For me, this is the core of everything. Osho talks about reacting vs. responding.
When we react, we’re in autopilot. Our ego is in control.
But when we pause, we can take the time to respond. That’s where we embody our values. That’s where we speak and behave authentically.
Quantum physicist Dr. Amit Goswami describes it as conditioning vs our authentic self. We *react* from conditioning, we *respond* from our authentic self.
So in my opinion, that pause is probably the most powerful skill anyone can cultivate. Because, as Bianca puts it, “…pressure doesn't go away as you grow.”
“But when you learn to regulate yourself, you stop transmitting that pressure to everyone around you.”
When I first read that, I felt it in my chest. I thought about all the times I’ve failed as a lover, partner, husband, team member, airman, leader, son, brother, and human being.
Every single time, I transmitted my pressure to others. I’ve created suffering for the people who love me the most. Those who trusted me, those to whom I was responsible.
Typing this now, I notice shame arising. But I also notice gratitude. Because I have the tools to do better, to be better.
I have the tools to live according to my values. To be the way I truly want to be.
That’s freedom.
I wrote about some of these tools a few months ago: https://d3e.co/y6
And Bianca’s newsletter reminds me why I use them. In the attached cheat sheet, she lays out the key differences between reactive vs regulated leadership.
In it, I see how I *can* be and how I *want to* be. How I’m working hard to be.
And honestly, Bianca’s newsletter helps. So if this resonates you on any level, I encourage you to subscribe: https://d3e.co/y7
Thank you Bianca for your deep inspiration. And thank you, dear one, for taking the time to read this.
Keep taking care of yourself. You’re unconditionally worth it 😉
#SelfCare #ConsciousLeadership #leadership #mindfulness #EQ #empathy
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