It took me into my 30s before I realized I'm aro/ace and #enby mostly just because I found the various labels as they emerged into more of mainstream a bit overwhelming and I didn't exactly understand what various thing meant, that everything doesn't have to be a textbook fit. Stuff like "You can lean masculine and still not identify as a man" or "you can be asexual without being totally devoid of sexuality". When I finally dug in and realized such things, the fits were easier.