On wednesdays we wear pink... 'cause I might have put a red sock with the whites.

Saying “call me old fashioned but…” is how I became known as Old Fashioned Butt

Them: I know you mean well -
Me: I absolutely do not

But what does your therapist think about me?

The only reason jorts aren’t on the periodic list is because their atomic weight can’t be measured by nerds.

Happy Assemble The Fucking Furniture I Thought Was a Good Idea For A Gift Day to all who celebrate.

hope santa didn’t disappoint this year

If Jesus sees his shadow on Christmas day, we get six more weeks of Mariah Carey.