Ms. Que Banh#Love without mutual genuine nurturing is more likely to be #limerance.
Learn about the difference between #love & #limerance.
https://anniewright.com/limerence-vs-love-how-to-tell-the-difference-and-why-it-matters/
If you're codependent, you're much more prone to fall into limerance traps. When you learn the differences, you can avoid those traps, better ✌️
#Relationships #SelfAwareness #SelfImprovement #BeingHuman #Codependency
Matilda Love@PhoenixSerenity wow. yeah i definitely have this for a friend of mine.
i've known for a while now that it isn't healthy but it's good to have the pattern spelled out and a name for it
@matildalove It's more common than not. I fell into limerance several times during my life & didn't know the difference, prior. Now that I know, it's easier to avoid falling into that limerance trap.
Vee@PhoenixSerenity @matildalove Thanks for posting it. I needed this reminder. Def. Reading it. 👍❤️
@Vee @matildalove I think it can be helpful to a lot of folks here. There's several more in depth articles about limerance that folks can look into, if they want to.
@PhoenixSerenity @matildalove def. sharing also.
stephaniepixie 🏳️🌈@PhoenixSerenity It’s no wonder many of us take years to figure out the difference, especially when we’re young, because limerance (or being “in love” with someone vs loving them) is the one that is being promoted everywhere. Obsession sells well.
@stephaniepixie Exactly!
Tiota Sram@PhoenixSerenity @stephaniepixie a test I like to apply as I read romance that a shocking percentage of stuff fails (including stuff I overall like):
Take person A's behavior towards their romantic interest B. Assume that B has the *minimal* romantic interest in A that's consistent with the statements and behaviors they make intentionally that person A has a chance to observe. How would B actually react to A's romantic gesture X if they had that level of interest? If the answer is "they'd be shocked/offended/horrified/sad/angry" or more simply "that would be sexual harassment/assault" then the story where it isn't but only because we-the-audience knows the interest is reciprocated fails the test.
So many stories are written where B is secretly pinning for A too, so "it's okay" that A goes in for that kiss or asks out their subordinate, or... even though A hasn't gotten any sign of B's true feelings and didn't ask for consent (the obvious/easy way to confirm them). These stories are teaching exactly the wrong lessons about consent, which plays into the whole "unrequited love is so romantic" crap that conflates limerance and love.
@tiotasram @PhoenixSerenity If consent is ever part of the equation in mainstream hetero romance it’s usually only the man who is entitled to it.
My parents tell the story of how they met and it sounds like a stalker story to me. So much of the chasing is creepy to me, but promoted as romantic. Even when it’s requited attraction.
Consent is so rarely talked about even in non-romantic circumstances.
Children are so often not even considered worthy of providing consent. Offered zero agency over their own body or life. Adults tell them what and how to behave and get told who to trust, and who to show affection to, what to eat, when to sleep… it’s a wonder any of us know how to be in relationships as adults 😜
My parents tell the story of how they met and it sounds like a stalker story to me. So much of the chasing is creepy to me, but promoted as romantic. Even when it’s requited attraction.
Consent is so rarely talked about even in non-romantic circumstances.
Children are so often not even considered worthy of providing consent. Offered zero agency over their own body or life. Adults tell them what and how to behave and get told who to trust, and who to show affection to, what to eat, when to sleep… it’s a wonder any of us know how to be in relationships as adults 😜
@stephaniepixie @tiotasram My ex's parents used to joke about how they met would be considered sexual harassment these days. They had pretty fucked up views on relationships in general. Zero personal boundaries.
@stephaniepixie @tiotasram My very first family dinner that I had with them was a fucking uncomfortable living nightmare. They invited my former partner's ex from high school, without telling me or former partner. I was put into an awful first family dinner spot. It was a wankerbutternoodle move to place me & former partner into that shitty spot.
@stephaniepixie @tiotasram I have stuff to say about how some parents try to force friendships that their kids don't want to engage in.
Giflian@stephaniepixie @PhoenixSerenity there also seems to be this belief that if a guy is interested in a girl, the girl should be grateful about it. "He likes you, you should go out with him".
@giflian @stephaniepixie Yes. I've experienced this crap, more than once in my life. No, thanks.
Denis 🌏@PhoenixSerenity Oof. Thank you so much for posting this, this is *absolutely* me. Really helpful to have this more precise discussion of it (vs general codependency).
I've had therapists mention codependency to me in the past but I never quite grokked it, but recently it clicked and it is *absolutely* my behavior for a lot of my adult life. So I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking and while changing this behavior is really, really hard, I hope I'm headed in the right direction. Slowly.
But this article hits me in the gut. 💙
@constantorbit Self awareness is a necessary first step to betterment of ourselves ❤️
@constantorbit self actualization usually, naturally follows - when & if, we're willing to do our own self actualization homework.
Totts@PhoenixSerenity love loves to love love. - James Joyce
@Geri Ain't that the truth ❤️
Bimbo@Geri @PhoenixSerenity You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole.
- James Joyce
@PhoenixSerenity @Geri the man had a love, and I cam respect it.
@BigTittyBimbo @PhoenixSerenity He wrote much 'worse' than that, at one stage encouraging Nora Barnacle to masturbate whilst she when was writing so her prose would become more erotic.
I regard that the content of their letters were nobody's business other than to provide supplemental information to unpick the sexual themes in Circe and Nausicaa
There is a prurient drool on his words that in some way obscures the mind of a liberated couple
Xxx
@Geri A good, well structured summation, but still, funny letters about loving farts.
The man had a love, and he knew how to express it.
@BigTittyBimbo The wonderful word "Farternoiser" appears in The Wake
Hamish The PolarBear@BigTittyBimbo @Geri Hah! I recently discovered this stuff in a recent podcast from one of my cohorts @ChrisWere Filth I did not expect from JJ! 🤣
@hamishtpb @ChrisWere @BigTittyBimbo I am very keen on James Joyce and attended numerous lectures in the English faculty when I was at Uni
I used to have furious arguments with a bf who claimed Italo Calvino's 'If on a winter's night a traveler' was a greater novel
Funny times xxx
@Geri @BigTittyBimbo I imagine he'd have joined the Free Dildos for all, mostly silent movement.
@PhoenixSerenity @BigTittyBimbo be nice if they made silent vibrators. Said a friend of mine ....
niccolo@niccolo Except I don't like that guy & would kick him out of my home.
Not my full name, my fun nameI’ve alway seen it as a verb defined by a bunch of other verbs. 🙂
Not too many people in my life seem to understand that. They say my abusers loved me but fail to use verbs to explain how.
staringatclouds@PhoenixSerenity
"Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word..."
Teardrop - Massive Attack
