Having a serious dilemma here.
My dad is a hard core, conservative, maga, racist, homophobic, corporate, old-school oil company man. He was also an absent father, and at one point all three of my aunts, and my grandparents, cornered him to tell him he'd been a bad father all of my life.
We've tried to maintain some sort of relationship, but with all the fascishittery going on lately, I have no motivation to or desire to even acknowledge his existence.
Here's the kicker:
1/2
He's got Alzheimer's and is currently going down hill really fast. I'm being told that if I still want to talk to him, now is the time.
He's made several attempts to call over the last few months, and I've ignored them.
I have nothing to say to him that hasn't already been said, but the compassionate part of me thinks I should at least call him and ask him how his day is going.
I have some time today... I just don't want to.
Goddammit.
2/2
@pteryx @GracelessHippo @fedops @Mrfunkedude I do appreciate the input. I'll call just to get it done.
bleh.
@deadtom @pteryx @fedops @Mrfunkedude
I wish you well with it
@deadtom It all depends on if you need closure and you think you can get it. If not, I don't see the point.
But I would suggest forgiving him if you haven't already. If that means talking to him again, then do so without giving up your personal boundaries.
Forgiveness isn't for the offender. It's for you. It's so that you can release the burden of your anger. You don't actually need him to be able to do it, but it does help.
If not, then I'd say you're under no obligation to see him.
@Mrfunkedude Forgiveness isn't a thing here. That was done a long time ago for exactly the reason you mentioned. Carrying around all that anger only hurts me.
It's just having to sit through another diatribe about how illegal Mexicans are being bussed into his little town by democrats, and dropped off. Then they simply vanish like ninjas, and he's never seen them, or the buses, but the crime rate has gone up so what else can it be...
I shit you not, he said that to me.
I should call anyway.
I have experience of both Alzheimer's in close family and have been on the receiving end of abusive terrible parenting. All I can say is you should do what feels best for you. You don't owe him anything and he won't remember you didn't call if you don't. On the other hand you need to be prepared for changes in his personality and the fact the him you know is going. You can't take it back once he's gone.
Fwiw there are no circumstances under which I would contact my dad.
@deadtom I don't know if you would like input. Please ignore if not, or let me know and I will delete.
I would call him. I would not ask how his day is going, I would instead wait for him to say what he may have wanted to say when he tried to call you. That way you at least don't carry the thought about unfinished business with you when the time comes that communication becomes impossible.
What he will or will not say would then determine the next steps.
@deadtom I have zero regrets over not speaking with my estranged father when I knew he was passing away from cancer. He didn't feel the need to watch me grow up. I didn't feel the need to watch him die. If you think that you still have something that you want to say to him, reach out. You know what's best for you. It's not an easy situation and I don't envy you.
I wrote my dad a letter after he died, then burned it in our fire pit. It was practically a novel. Made me feel better though.
@Heidiknits My brother and I have had exactly that discussion numerous times. 😆
Our grandfather, my dad's dad, was a great person and a great dad. My 97yo grandmother continues to amaze us all, and all of my dad's sisters are fantastic people. So one of the questions is how in the world did our dad become who he is growing up in a family like that?
I did just call him. It went fine. We basically had the same conversation three times, but it was a pretty mundane call.
DeadTOm 
Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary
Graceless Hippo
fedops 💙💛
Mr. Funk E. Dude 🤡
Heidi