I just want to be a dad but instead my co-parent can crash out on TikTok for months calling me an abuser while suing me in court. Loose in court three times THEN still call me an abuser. Then turn around and send 20x threatening texts a day and act like I'm the one making co-parenting difficult.
They started this morning at 7am with threats to have me arrested and claims I'm transphobic.
I don't need to speak to them till next Wednesday.
It's clear they need me to be upset.
But the things is I'm free from their abuse AND I have a court order saying I'm the dad I know I am.
It's really sad to experience this pattern again after breaking up with them. This entire court ordeal has just been a never ending cycle of their attempts to control my life.
That's ok... there's hiphop for these moments and I'm happy with the Man in the Mirror and that's all I need fr fr.
Who doesn't love parenting exchanges that involve disgruntled ex-boyfriends being invited and then trying to provoke a fight and getting dragged away by cops /s
Like I said, some people need you angry, couldn't be me.
Loving my life, chasing babies and hacking the planet.
Hey good news, the tiny human and I found a long term housing situation with a family with a big spare room.
Can you help us make more progress on our fundraiser so we can move this month?
$500 / $2000
Casapp/venmo/paypal $nullagent
https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet
#MutualAidRequest #ParentingWhileBlack #BlackMastodon #BlackDadsMatter #Housing #HelpFolksLive2026
Earlier this summer I was falsely accused of domestic violence and instantly made homeless and unable to see my daughter. Thankfully after three months of court I was found innocent and my accuser was scolded by multiple judges for repeatedly lying.Despite being found innocent of any wrong doing I still face massive legal costs.So far I've been billed over $15k! I'm very fortunate to have had a lawyer who worked tirelessly to protect my rights but I've paid the majority of the legal bill out of pocket, completely depleting my rainy day funds.Donations will help my stablize my life by staying on top of these legal bills, saving up for a new apartment and having money on hand to take care of my daughter.
Loving the reshares and words of support but sadly it'd be nice to make progress on our fundraiser sooner rather than later so we can de-stress.
Lately I've got the tiny human 50/50 after the courts threw out my counterparts false claims now THREE times.
I've been facing a ton of online and in-person harassment from my ex's mob of vigilantes, cops & courts have had to be involved and the legal situation is rather active.
$500 / $2000
Casapp/venmo/paypal $nullagent
#ParentingWhileBlack
On the court watch side we're due back in court in a couple days.
My counter part is attempting to make the case that I have too much time with my daughter too quickly.
As usual this is a huge waste of legal fees & court resources bc the judge ALREADY ruled above. The judge was clear to note that my ex ILLEGALLY withheld my child for 3 months (for a total of 6mo of withholding).
THAT is why he had the accelerated transition, those 3mo were supposed to be the rampup.
Attached: 3 images My ex wishes to sow confusion. There was no confusion in the courts eyes. My ex filed false claims in court THREE times. They tried to have me arrested constantly during the court process for made up violations which never occurred. The courts were not amused and thankfully saw through these abusive antics at every turn so far. When you cost a black dad $25k in legal fees over obviously false claims, there is no confusion whose weaponizing the system. #FamilyCourt #WA #CourtWatch #Ruling
Of the MANY unnecessary costs that suddenly become needed when you have a high conflict co-parent are things like court ordered parenting apps.
Things like that cost $200+/year just to have a court approved monitor so when my ex sends harassing texts at 7am they go to the court at the same time.
Services like this are why I need to urgently raise funds.
My ex regularly sends harassing messages and I'd really love to be able to have formal record of these.
$500 / $2000
Damn, shit hit the fan today. My lawyer is not able to put further fees on our tab, the owners of the firm would like to see some of the $15k of legal debt paid down immediately.
My lawyer had been fighting management to not take further payment until the fall but with how MUCH legal services my ex has created its understandable.
IF you're able to make large donations over $500 please DM me so you can pay the lawyer directly.
Please direct legal aid donations to GFM👇🏿
Alright, friends and family are helping me navigate raising legal funds. They have established a GFM specific for raising legal funds and they will deliver the funds raised on GoFundMe directly to my lawyer's firm so I can just focus on parenting and working with my lawyer.
Meanwhile I'll keep the existing chuffed for parenting & living expenses which will go directly to me.
Thanks again for all the love.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
#MutualAidRequest #CourtWatch #LegalAid #ParentingWhileBlack
One way or another we'll get through this road bump.
To put links in one place:
Depending upon your personal ethics and morals you can exclusively support my fund for legal consul (which our city, co & state don't provide) via GFM:
Legal fund:
$4395 / $15k
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
OR you can help me directly survive capitalism during this SLAP style family court process on chuffed or direct payment apps in my bio:
Moving funds:
$500 / $2k
https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet
I'm extremely overwhelmed by the support so far on the legal fund, in just two days folks have almost donated 50% of a typical monthly legal bill! 🥳
Right now the gofundme sits at $1.5k, when we hit $3k that will provide more than a full month of family court legal representation.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
Police contact again at the exchange, makes three in a row.
Co parent showed up to exchange but refused to actually exchange the tiny human due to their made up rules.
Cops were called, they made sure we completed the exchange(made rules can't stop exchange).
Another couple hours for the lawyers and courts now.
I need some help keeping up with this level of legal involvement.
This "system" crazy.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
#FamilyLaw #MutualAidRequest #ParentingWhileBlack #BlackDadsMatter
I'm up early today (started at 3am) to finish some court docs due later today.
It's interesting to reflect on the previous nights like this and how things turned out.
It's easy to mistrust the legal system after you've literally faced triple jeopardy (3x separate court processes + investigations for the same complaint).
But as I've done 3x times already, I'm up writing the courts a 4th time about why this is all a waste of everyone's time.
Attached: 1 image Hell yea, I just submitted the latest round of court filings! This shit sucks but my cadence of responding is only going to keep getting better, faster and less ashamed to defend myself from these wasteful false claims. My docs have been complete since Tuesday and I've just been obsessing over them all week. Excited to be done for now! https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet #MutualAidRequest #ParentingWhileBlack #PNW #FamilyLaw #CourtWatch #Family #Relationships #Parenting
And the results so far have been, largely that the courts agree with me. So it's critical to not get discouraged and just keep engaging in good faith and stay focused on showing up.
Still trying to solve our housing insecurity, and haven't made as much progress on that as I'd like. We've had a lot of unexpected expenses on top of the original goal so anything helps.
$500 / $2000
venmo/cashapp/paypal - $nullagent
The legal aid fund has been coming along well and thanks to some large offline donations this weekend that's hit 30%!
So I'm going to put the focus the next few days on housing costs.
https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet
Earlier this summer I was falsely accused of domestic violence and instantly made homeless and unable to see my daughter. Thankfully after three months of court I was found innocent and my accuser was scolded by multiple judges for repeatedly lying.Despite being found innocent of any wrong doing I still face massive legal costs.So far I've been billed over $15k! I'm very fortunate to have had a lawyer who worked tirelessly to protect my rights but I've paid the majority of the legal bill out of pocket, completely depleting my rainy day funds.Donations will help my stablize my life by staying on top of these legal bills, saving up for a new apartment and having money on hand to take care of my daughter.
Got an email from the judge yesterday, he predictably denied the motion brought by my daughter's other parent two weeks ago which aimed to reduce my parenting time.
A completely predictable outcome as usual, and a completely wasteful use of the legal system, but what else is new in this saga?
Not a lot of progress on our February goal needed to secure long term housing next month.
Can you help keep us moving?
$520 / $2000
venmo/cashapp/paypal - $nullagent
#MutualAidRequest #Housing #ParentingWhileBlack #BlackDadsMatter
Someone asked me: "Why did you say you want to win in court? What is Winning?"
Well I think first off, winning just means getting my ex and the courts to allow me to have 50/50 custody.
Why is that winning? It feels like what should be the baseline, right?
Unfortunately to the opposing side their idea of winning is seeing me have far less than 50% custody for no reason.
They caused me to miss our child's 1st bday, thanksgiving and xmas.
Winning to me, is not missing anymore of their life.
I'm so absurdly grateful for the time I finally have with my daughter. It's been amazing to be able to have her around the hacker space, the lil hacker baby immediately takes the "Do Not Move" stickers off of things 🤪
We sadly missed our goal to get into stable housing at the start of this month.
We're playing a bit of catch up this month, so anything helps.
$20 / $1500
venmo/cashapp $nullagent
In a different sort of absurdity I'm been forced to spend approaching $25k on lawyers just to be able to see my daughter.
I wish family court actually put the kids and families first, but that's just now how things are, especially for Black fathers.
If you're interested in helping keep the legal costs under control my friends and family operate this legal aid fund which goes directly to legal fees.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
#FamilyCourt #FamilyLaw #SLAPLawsuit #PNW #LegalAid #MutualAidRequest
Oh great, we're back to my karen calling the cops on me for no reason during child exchanges... again.
We're gonna need a bigger legal fund.
But for real, its wild how much people talk about wanting to support Black people but will literally just watch a karen bleed a black dad dry.
Please help me stop going into debut bc of an abusive ex whose weaponizing the cops, courts, and their whiteness constantly.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
Weaponizing the "courts, cops and whiteness" is NO joke.
There's hard data for the EXISTING racial bias in parenting rights cases and generally contact with CPS for Black kids.
I've already proven in court THREE times that there is NO reason to limit my child custody etc and that my ex's claims were ALL demonstrably false.
But my daughter still faces a 4th court process, a CPS investigation.
https://youthtoday.org/2021/08/black-children-most-likely-to-be-investigated-by-cps-study-says/
#BlackDadsMatter #FamilyCourt #FamilyLaw #MutualAidRequest #BlackMastodon
For a lot of children in the U.S, especially Black kids, a common part of childhood — alongside the typical birthday parties, playground games and first days of school — are frequent encounters with child welfare services, according to a new study out of Rutgers University and Duke University. “Child welfare contact happens a lot […]
In the US that actual rate of situations confirmed to need a CPS investigation for Black families is 20% of cases.
⚠️ 🚨
However in West Coast cities as many as 70% of all Black kids will see their family investigated by CPS!
Family court and CPS is just one more place of over policing and racism on FULL display for Black men.
https://youthtoday.org/2021/08/black-children-most-likely-to-be-investigated-by-cps-study-says/
#blacklivesmatter #BlackDadsMatter #BlackMastodon #FamilyLaw #FamilyCourt
For a lot of children in the U.S, especially Black kids, a common part of childhood — alongside the typical birthday parties, playground games and first days of school — are frequent encounters with child welfare services, according to a new study out of Rutgers University and Duke University. “Child welfare contact happens a lot […]
In WA's King county where Seattle is located CPS investigations ARE NOT FREE!
Both parents can be forced to pay upto $4000.
Because who doesn't just have two parents both with upto an extra $4k on short notice?
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
#BlackDadsMatter #BlackMastodon #PNW #WA #Seattle #KingCo #Economics
I'm extremely worried and concerned for myself and my daughter with the HUGE amount of police contact this karen has subjected us to.
Some weeks we have had THREE instances of cops or an ex boyfriend harassing us during exchange.
What Black person wants to deal with cops three fucking times a week?
My daughter has already had more police contact than I did up until high school or college.
No black child deserves this!
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
Ways to support
We have a ton of urgent bills this month, anything helps. I've added an amazon wishlist(boo) to help offset some costs/time.
Wishlist Items:
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/SM3ELL9506M5
Legal Fund:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
Direct Donations:
Cashapp / Venmo / Paypal - nullagent
https://www.paypal.me/nullagent
https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet
#MutualAidRequest #mutualaid #HelpFolksLive2026 #BlackDadsMatter #BlackLivesMatter
I had police contact again today during parenting exchange 😬
My ex has vowed to call the police during every exchange which means the cops are being called on me two or three times per week for the last month.
🚨This has resulted in a rate of police contact for I and my family 1400% higher than Philando Catile's at the time of his death.🚨
This morning I asked officer D. Perez how he'd feel about that level of police harassment...
https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet
Please help, my storage unit is 2 months behind and is about to go into auction this weekend.
Need to raise just under $800 asap.
$749 / $800
Update - Just $15 away
Venmo: nullagent
Cashapp: nullagent
Paypal: nullagent
In other news, I just received service indicating that my counter-parent is filing a motion in the courts to try and get out of discovery.
I literally just asked them the SAME types of discovery questions they asked me.
I fully answered all of the questions I needed to reply to months ago.
When I keep saying there's insane amounts of wasteful legal time its things just like this.
I'm out thousands just complying, now I have to compel them to comply with their own questionaire.
In today's filing my counter parent argues they don't have to do discovery because I posted this very court watch thread.
Below I've re-produced the entirety of the offending posts they cited in this filing today.
Literally just the public case number and zoom link to the hearings.
WHICH the judges at the hearings agreed, I was allowed to request #CourtWatch to those hearings.
Yet my ex claims "the city attoreny is preparing charges against" me now
🤣
OK.
I sent a response in last week on the NEW restraining order my-ex has filed on me.
Their ENTIRE restraining order is based on the fact that I posted BASIC information about my case (like hearing dates, case numbers and final rulings).
I needed to write about my case so I could hire a lawyer there is NO government provided consul in US civil courts or family court.
This NEW filing only increases my need for legal funds.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
Over the past month friends, family and mastodonians donated about $665 to my legal fund.
I thank you all DEEPLY from the bottom of my heart.
But the reallity is that Black Americans can uniquely be harassed and harmed by unnecessary police and court contact.
As a part of the 2020 WA BLM/Goerge Floyd protests our state passed a KAREN Law.
It's not been used often but its starting to apply to my case.
Fact of the matter is I'm going to need a fair bit more legal funds to hold my abuser accountable.
These anti-racist measures are so new it costs more to develop a case using them.
I need to ACTIVELY build a case to defend myself and reduce this pattern of in court and out of court abuse of literally racist institutions to harass me.
2020 literally gave Black folks -some- new tools we need to defend ourselves.
HOWERVER those tools cost money!
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-alan-in-his-legal-fight
As part of the NEW restraining order my ex today filed their final arguments before the judge will rule without a hearing.
They make the circular argument that bc last week as a result of their NEW attempt at a restraining order(totalling 5 tries now) I posted legal fund information and case updates I'm a bad faith parent.
They essentially argue my cost and progress updates above endanger their safety because it hurts their feelings that I have a lawyer and am forced to publicly fundraise.
And too be fair I'd much rather be fundraising for our basic needs that are harder to meet know after my ex illegally evicted me AND filed now FIVE attempts at labelling me a domestic abuser over simply trying to respectfully end a relationship that was literally not safe for me.
Last month we REALLY struggled with bills so anything really helps.
I truly hate that this is my life rn but please consider that THIS is what femms abusing men looks like.
This IS DV live.
https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet
Earlier this summer I was falsely accused of domestic violence and instantly made homeless and unable to see my daughter. Thankfully after three months of court I was found innocent and my accuser was scolded by multiple judges for repeatedly lying.Despite being found innocent of any wrong doing I still face massive legal costs.So far I've been billed over $15k! I'm very fortunate to have had a lawyer who worked tirelessly to protect my rights but I've paid the majority of the legal bill out of pocket, completely depleting my rainy day funds.Donations will help my stablize my life by staying on top of these legal bills, saving up for a new apartment and having money on hand to take care of my daughter.
The other absurd issue that is being caused is that these frivolous filings are harming my child and BOTH parents abilities to provide her a stable life.
I've tried my best to indicate to my ex that if we can work things out outside of court that my door is open to that. Its perfectly legal to ask someone to be reasonable and settle.
They now describe those olive branches as harassment even tho its only been mentioned every few months and at junctures where it makes senses to save costs.
I don't think this should matter much when the sides are THIS lopsided, no one is the perfect victim and I'm absolutely not the perfect victim BUT I'm far from the worse.
Before I was bogged down with this harassment I was an extremely productive member of my community and care deeply about my community.
Why should you support me?
Because I was already out there putting in the work for YEARS and I never wanted help or credit until I needed help as well.
I gathered 7 friends and sued our mayor when she tear gassed the gayborhood DURING pride. We fought that case to the WA supreme court.
I WISH i had the time to organize the next generation of leftist recall activists.
This was an important tool, it got a very bad person out of local politics and OUT of the Biden administration.
A credible leftist recall capacity is a KEY part of keeping politicians accountable.
I need to get back to that work v soon. I see u Katie.
When the city came to destroy the last vestiges of Seattle's 2020 #BLMG protest garden I and another friend started a food mutual aid project to help keep protesters going.
That project grew out of my fridge, the first fridge to feed around a HUNDRED ppl a week in Capitol Hill.
Just some scrappy punks, dumpster diving and getting to know grocery story workers, combatting food waste and inflation one fridge load at a time.
I haven't had time for that org at all now.
When I noticed the EFF, Wired and others promoting a dangerous unsafe messaging system as something protesters can rely upon I gathered friends and tried to get the security issues fixed.
When that didn't happen I built the worlds FIRST (i think) offensive LoRa cyber security tool and with the help of a few friends we hacked 3000 DEFCON attendees to PROVE that meshtastics security issues are serious.
When I saw cops refusing to identify themselves, I rolled up my sleeves and I showed the world how cops basically have a digital tail number provided by the devices they carry.
When I saw young hackers in my community needed more places to learn, especially professionally run Non Profits
I picked up my keyboard, called the hackers of the Pacific Northwest and we built it.
And guess what?
They came!
Im extremely proud to say that my homeless/housing insecure ass helped start a financially viable community run hacker space non profit and we're almost break even in less than 3 months of operation!
I don't say these things to say I'm holyer than thou, that I'm above being a good person, the law, social norms or any other 10x coder bullshit.
I'm no hero.
I'm no saint.
I'm just a guy.
A guy doing has absolute best with NO resources.
Consistently doing my best.
Consistently breaking important stories and fighting important fights.
I'd really like to get back to THAT taking up most of my non parenting time and energy.
No one, deserves to be treated the way I have in the system rn.
Oh and don't get me started on my PRE activism life.
I spent about a decade contracting around and working on startup ideas to attempt to find out REALLY how money flows in America.
I've shaken too many billionaires hands and I started calling them out.
This piece I wrote about just ONE racist VC interaction I witnessed by a Palantir founder and a friend earned me likely top billing on their shit list system.
This got national billing and cited in top biz papers.
So all this goes to say.
I'm not the perfect victim, but I do have a platform.
The process I'm going through right now IS systemic racism, live in action.
It is the failed family court system that ALL political parties in the west are asleep on.
This system criminalizes male father poverty.
Situations like this is like loading a family court to prison gun, pointing it at a mans head and your abusive ex partner gets to tell the executioner to pull the trigger.
Men less articulate, less learned, less supported, less experienced, and with less going for them just have never been taken seriously when they discover the reality of family court+cops+cancellation being weaponized by a former lover is a possibility.
I think its important for ppl to understand how dangerous a determined harasser like mine can be.
How destructive.
How much their harassment is designed to provoke an outburst, a meltdown or just giving up.
This stuff needs to change.
nullagent
