Mastodawn

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"

"how am I supposed to explain gay to a child?"

My brother in Christ have you ever actually been around a child?? They will straight up ambush you with the most unhinged, bonkers, nihilist questions with a completely straight face. Questions that will cause grown adults to have an existential crisis if you think about them too long. Just yesterday in class a student stopped in the middle of playing a scale to ask me how does she even know if I exist or not and I had to sit quietly in a corner with that one for like an hour. PLEASE let me explain the gay. Explain the gay is fucking easy.

Matt Hall Mar 19

Riiight?!

Matt Hall Mar 19

I'm just saying I'm CIS-99% straight (I will always make an exception for Henry Cavill and I _will not_ be judged for it) and this is like the least threatening thing to talk about with a child.

It's not war, it's not famine, it's not injustice, it's just _love_. Love's easy. There's even a fairly decent description of it in their damned _book_.

Sir Rochard 'Dock' Bunson Mar 19

@Lana ☝️ THIS

All day long & twice on Sundays!

Sir Rochard 'Dock' Bunson Mar 19

@Lana I just realized what it is.

It's not neccesarily even that they don't want to explain the gay as much as they're not ready to tell their kids yet what they want to do with "the gays". 😪

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"Mar 19

@SrRochardBunson "how do I explain to my child how to hate the correct people?"

Sir Rochard 'Dock' Bunson Mar 19

@Lana 🎯

That IS a tougher one to explain, isn't it?

Sir Rochard 'Dock' Bunson Mar 19

@Lana especially since the child would likely call bullshit on that explanation.

Talk about awkward. 😬 😅

disorderlyf Mar 19

@Lana @SrRochardBunson "Some people decide to make their own problems with a certain kind of person everyone else's problem. Those people will often lie about why they feel that way because they know what they're doing is wrong, but they're letting their emotions control them because it's easier than thinking about the possibility they were wrong and mean to someone for no reason."

Wait, we were supposed to teach our kids to hate bigots, right?

Sir Rochard 'Dock' Bunson Mar 20

@disorderlyf @Lana 😅

Yes, we are! That one is way easier to explain to kids, though.

"You know that bully that's mean to other people, probably because his parents don't know how to love, even though they didn't do anything to him?

It's like that, but they got older without growing up. "

Cassandra is only carbon now Mar 19

@Lana I once saw a six year old break down crying because she remembered that triangles exist. Kids are wonderfully bonkers!

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"Mar 19

@xgranade to be fair that is deeply saddening news

@Lana @xgranade
six year olds 🤝 game devs

break down crying because they remember that triangles exist

@xgranade I once broke down when I remembered trigonometry exists. Fully empathise with that kid.

Matilda Love Mar 20

@xgranade @Lana that kid gets me

🇩🇪 🇺🇦 🇨🇦

@Lana I told someone recently that life can be simple... if you find someone you love, love them. Don't worry about labels. Love who you love, be who you are.

Owlor 🦋Mar 19

@Lana It's extra funny when people pull this sort of argument with kink, cus it basically translates to "how do I explain the concept of make-believe to a child?" Something tells me they understand the basics of that one already.

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"Mar 19

@Owlor hOw dO I eXplaNe maKe bEliEve tO a cHiLdReN??

Dave "Wear A Goddamn Mask" Cochran

@Lana I mean, yes, but there's another even simpler answer: "some boys like girls and some boys like boys; some girls like boys and some girls like girls."

That's it.

That's all they need to hear.

Rev. Dr. Mazigazi Mar 19

@Lana kids are super smart and don’t care about it unless their scary parents tell them to

Tito Swineflu Mar 19

@Lana one of the earliest complex sentences my son read was from a "life in hell" comic: "today, the Supreme Court outlawed sodomy". He was four.

spiegelmama Mar 21

@tito_swineflu @Lana When my friends (grade 4/5?) came across the word "sodomy," they called me up. I said, "Do you want the dictionary definition or the slang one?" They wanted slang. "Butt sex," I said, and they hung up roaring with laughter. Too bad they didn't stick around for my slang definitions of oral sex, which is also considered sodomy. They got the gist.

Woozle Hypertwin Mar 19

@Lana Heck, I independently deduced the concept of gay when I was about 10: "most X like to play with other X when they are kids but then when they grow up they fall in love with Y -- but I (an X) prefer to play with Y, so maybe when I grow up I will fall in love with X?"

@Lana
'But how do I know it's not just a dream I've never woken up from, and the real me is passed out and a fire is burning down the house?'

Genuine question I got babysitting a 5 year old.

Thank god you can distract small children with candy and ice cream.

https://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2313

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - 2011-07-21

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - 2011-07-21

Gentleman Programmer Mar 19

@Lana RD Laing's daughter asked this question.

Can God kill God?

It's in Laing's book Conversations With Children.
Explaining gay seems easy by comparison.

@Lana From a kid's perspective there's nothing notable to explain. It's only once society layers on a bunch of baggage is there something curious.

Now, explaining why they shouldn't jump off of the furniture, or why ice cream isn't a suitable food for all meals, _those_ are hard conversations. Or a bit older you get the philosophical questions like the ones you noted, or questions about death...

George B Mar 19

My 2 year old daughter's best friend has 2 dads. We never even had to explain it, it just is.

Misuse Case Mar 20

@gbargoud @Lana One of my son’s preschool classmates had two moms and he was like “huh, two moms huh?” for about a day, and then fully absorbed this fact and moved on with his life.

Not nearly as awkward (and hilarious) as when he was three and asking every adult he knew if they had a penis or not.

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"Mar 21

@MisuseCase @gbargoud

When I was that age I used to ask total strangers how many teeth they had and then fully count my own teeth in public in front of them.

@Lana fuck, how do I know that *I* exist. what I'm just imagining all of this.

@aeva @Lana What if you're just a dissociated dream of some host? (That phrasing of it predates simulation theory. Arguably by centuries.)

@lispi314 @Lana maybe nothing is dreaming but the dream itself

UkeleleEric Mar 20

@aeva @Lana If you're just imagining all this, you have a very twisted mind

ablobcatbouncefast

@UkeleleEric @Lana I don't think "you" is exactly the right word here.

Philip Mallegol-Hansen Mar 19

@Lana Arguably explaining *straight* is at least as difficult if you actually think about it.

“Men love women”

“Why?”

“Because they do!”

Is not a compelling story.

Krzysztof Sakrejda Mar 19

@Lana are you sure they're allowed to be around children?

Chris Green Mar 19

Perhaps reading them one of the many nice age-appropriate children's books on the subject like "Heather has two mommies" instead of trying to take those books out of the schools and libraries :)

Allan Chow Mar 19

@Lana MOM. WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING OTHER PEOPLE'S BUTTHOLES

Sauce: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZThoHCQG2/

spiegelmama Mar 21

@grumpasaurus @Lana I love the sister trying to help her brother understand.

@Lana Gay is easy. I dread having to explain Epstein to my child if they hear about it somewhere.

I AM BANKSY ☕ / 🗑‍🔥Mar 20

@Lana
"I don't have to listen to you if you can't prove you exist."

I think that might be a good general rule.

Vanalope Mar 20

@Lana dude, my mom who was a nurse explained it pretty easy to me when I was like 5 in the late 70s. Back then all her male nurse coworkers were gay. She had friends over and one of her coworkers came with his boyfriend.

I asked why he had a boyfriend. She said "because he likes boys." To which i of course asked "why?". So mom asked me what my favorite ice cream was, I said "chocolate" she said "why?" I said "because I like it!" And she said, "that's why he has a boyfriend! Because he just likes boys!" And 5 year old me was cool with that explanation.

Easy peasy!

javensbukan Mar 20

@Lana Can confirm lmao.

My godnice randomly ambushing me with a philosophical question out of the blue.

Me:

David Holt Mar 20

@javensbukan @Lana that’s not nice at all 😉

Anti Faisisteach Saebhiar Mar 20

@Lana Some years ago when he was quite young, my son, a bright young man now who sits with me at present, and I were watching a show with someone who was queer on it. He asked if they were a boy or a girl. I told him they were like a boy on the outside and a girl on the inside. His response was perfect; "Oh, can I go play LEGO?"

Martin Seeger Mar 20

@Lana Once I have finished explaining how a raping monster was elected president who bombs school girls, „gay“ in comparison is a walk in the park 😏.

@Lana questions children have asked me that were harder to answer than "what is gay?" include:

- How do you make napalm?

- How does sarcasm work?

- What would happen if gravity exploded?

- Why do people vote Reform?

- If I set fire to the school, how long would it take to burn down?

Yeah, explaining gay is *easy*.

@Lana woah did the kid read descartes or something

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"Mar 21

@xarvos or Hume.

Misuse Case Mar 20

@Lana “How am I going to explain gayness to my child when one of their preschool classmates has two mommies?”

LOL I dunno you could just be normal about it.

MinmiTheDino Mar 20

Mom, why does everything die?

…Hey kid can I interest you in a discussion of gay people?

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"Mar 21

@minmi LMAOoooo yes

Advanced Persistent Teapot Mar 20

@Lana "you think your child isn't ready to learn about homosexuality, but she's busy reinventing epistemology from first principles, ergo you are just a bigoted asshole, let her hear about the gay because *clearly* she can fucking handle it"

𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"Mar 21

@http_error_418 asdfhjkl yes!!

Matilda Love Mar 21

and of course all this skips past the underlying premise, namely why do they insist being gay needs more explanation than being straight

Scary Austin Mar 21

@Lana
I grew up out in the boonies in the 80s and 90s and had no idea same sex couples existed until I was six. We bought a dog from a gay couple in the city and my mother was like "Mike and Ronny aren't just friends. They're boyfriends. Some men have boyfriends instead of girlfriends." And I was like, okay.🤷🏼‍♀️ I was too young to care about boyfriends for myself. What did I care if they were boyfriends? I cared that their house was a magical place full of dogs.

Kids DGAF.

Rev. Charles Browning Mar 21

@Lana I once had a kid ask me if God created us because He was lonely. I still sit with this question (the answer is no, but you try explaining the impassibility of God to a six-year-old).

I just love the implication that a parent might have to explain sexual mechanics to their kid. "How do you explain gay?" The same way you explain mommies and daddies you unimaginative dolt. Some kids have two mommies others have two daddies. Done. There's your answer.

@Lana

OK but the question stands. Do you exist!?!