jonny#rootpost for #monsterdon (the adventures of hercules)
jonny (good kind)i missed the vote this week, what the fuck have you all done... again
what even is the real hercules myth, is he just like the avatar of human heroism and does whatever an avatar like that would do or is it more specific than that #monsterdon
extremely bold for a sequel to begin at the dawn of time again, just like the first movie did. sequel in the sense of "in an adjacent timeline" rather than the usual "in an adjacent time" #monsterdon
ok, 4 minutes of credit padding, i get it, low budget, but let's put the cap at like... 6 minutes. 10 minutes would be way over the line #monsterdon
none of these count for #monsterdonBingo this is not the movie yet and double counting is cheating #monsterdon
what the fuck did the credits song just end and they started it again that is such an awesome move #monsterdon
ok good premise, zeus has a finite number of thunderbolts and it is possible for them to be stolen rather than being a power he has. that means there will need to be thunderbolt props and that is going to rule #monsterdon
certified #bechdelPass in the first 12 minutes btw #monsterdon
"i'm sure the people who use cunning to survive will give me the right answer" this dialogue fucking owns 10/10 #monsterdon
why do they keep establishing hercules as kenlike and dickless i don't understand why that's so important to the story #monsterdon
so fucking annoying, you just get summoned back into reality from the aether and have to get in a fight with a giant mop #monsterdon
what the fuck why did that dog have a thunderbolt what was he even doing with it #monsterdon
i'm always meeting up with babes to learn the secrets of darkness #monsterdon
so here i was, minding my own business, keeping the planetary orbits aligned with my seven thunderbolts, when this gang of trifling broads stole them and gave them to a bunch of swamp dogs and revived the asteroid scientist i spawned a whole demigod to kill #monsterdon
usually it's just subtext but this movie is going out of its way to structure its entire plot around how women are not to be trusted #monsterdon
stop 🛑giving🙅divine👼artifacts💸to🤌sentient🧠trash🗑️piles👿
these fucking wipes are killing me this is amazing #monsterdon
got up and went to get a glass of water and played with my cat for a minute, and the plot is in exactly the same place i left it. neverending and aimless #monsterdon
where are they putting the thunderbolts once they get them anyway #monsterdon
obviously this guy has a thunderbolt, he basically makes it his whole personality #monsterdon
oh great now the thunderbolt is in the middle of the ocean halfway around the earth great going herc #monsterdon
being some algae doing some photosynthesis near the ocean's surface when suddenly your ass gets thunderbolted into being the de facto ruler of the seas #monsterdon
ok sure this guy is a um frost.. scientist.... who will cast all the gods into... frost... because they are holding back... frost science #monsterdon
since when is reaching the little people hard they seem to just be right over there in the place you always go looking for them #monsterdon
side plot: urania joins a brain uploading cult #monsterdon
what happened in the cultural imagination of the 70's and 80's that made nets seem so goddamn powerful #monsterdon
we are getting waylaid by a tribe of occult spider worshipping amazons!?!?!?! #monsterdon
oh all it took was summoning the powers of light, no problem #monsterdon
gender criticism: you see hercules is kenlike and dickless while daedalus has a giant fuckin shnoz cup. this represents the struggle between science and religion #monsterdon
Guda Blues
A few weeks ago i asked for some movie that made me not stop going what the fuck is happening and boy did that monkeys paw on me really quick #monsterdon
no dog we do not remember, there have been like one million things that have happened in this movie and none of them made me suspect that you replaced one of the characters with an exact replica that behaved exactly like them in every way #monsterdon
"No, you can do nothing zeus, for though you are the light, I am the darkness, thus we are alike"
"except for one thing, I possess time."
"OH FATHER TIME!"
I HAVE REWOUND THIS THREE TIMES AND I WILL KEEP DOING SO NO MATTER HOW DESYNCED I GET #monsterdon
what the hell am i even looking at i can't move on from the father time skull zapping daedalus off of their skull tower #monsterdon
this movie is really amping up the clusterfuck quickly #monsterdon
DID YOU CATCH THAT there were some more space chariot guys in the background IS SPACE CHARIOT MASS TRANSIT CANON
#monsterdon
#monsterdon
imagine finding this script written in some spiral notebook in your friends house and the immediate concern you would have for their mental wellbeing #monsterdon
the producer banging their fist on the walls while watching the test screening going what the FUCK is going ON and still greenlighting this
#monsterdon
#monsterdon
just fucking RELEASE me from this movie what is happening #monsterdon
The Adventures of Hercules (1985) - 5/5
Permanent ballistic damage to my brain
Rob Ricci@jonny I will never look at rotoscoped neon dinosaurs the same way again
David Zaslavsky@ricci @jonny Next time I want to describe #Monsterdon to someone, I can just tell them to imagine the kind of movie that would cause someone to utter this sentence
LOOK at 1:14:36 they show someone ELSE traveling by yeet-propelled boulder chariot. so YES throwing a boulder into space when it is tied to something is a canonical mode of transit in this universe
#monsterdon #conspiracyTheoriesOfMonsterdon #transitModalitiesOfMonsterdon
@jonny hahahahaha amazing
OH FATHER TIME!!!!!
#monsterdon #bestOfMonsterdon #TimeSkullsOfMonsterdon #HonkinShnozCupsOfMonsterdon
strangefour with the Pleiades@jonny
Daedalus, " Anything you can do, science can do better!"
Zeus, "You are only better at one thing."
Daedalus, "What's that?"
Zeus, "DYING!"
#Monsterdon
Daedalus, " Anything you can do, science can do better!"
Zeus, "You are only better at one thing."
Daedalus, "What's that?"
Zeus, "DYING!"
#Monsterdon
jmjm
Lazarou Monkey Terror 🚀💙🌈@jonny starships pulled by black holes, I'm sure I've seen that somewhere...#Monsterdon #ScienceFiction
Blake C. Stacey@jonny When "we're making an adventure movie for kids" collides with a train of cocaine
Judgment Dave@jonny why do you doubt the power of the net?