ImNotSpecialLikeYouwhat is the most violent, reprehensible, sociopathic way to tie your shoes?
Using paid help from a third world country to tie them for you as their only job.
ExtremeDullardExtra sociopathic point for by finding the exact person who made your shoes in the third world sweatshop and bringing them over on a work visa to work for you as a shoe-tyer
saw an old black man working as a shoe shine at a nice hotel when I was in Alabama roughly a decade ago for work. felt really fucking bad and weird. had to triple take to make sure it was a real human and not some gross tribute, but sure enough… then I had to look all around me just to see who else might be in disbelief or what else I might be missing
Alabama, never again
Use a tank of compressed CFC to pump up your shoes, then release it into the atmosphere when you take them off.
Surely that involves ordering a black man to do it for you using the N-word.
Using cats’ guts as shoelace, like violins in the good ol’ days.
frankPodmoreThings really went downhill when violins stopped wearing little shoes.
MarshezezzHow much adderall are you on to think of a question like that?
BlueÆther
XiELEdIdk man, but there are people who only use their socks and shoes once. Oh and some don’t really untie their shoes to put it on and then tie it, they just force their feet in.
MothraI feel personally attacked. What’s wrong with having the shoes already tied and forcing the feet in? Some shoes are cushioned enough to allow this, it’s a massive timesaver and it doesn’t feel any different from tying the laces every time.
I do use my shoes and socks many times though, I only have two pairs of shoes.
t’s a massive timesaver
I fail to see how this would save more than a couple of seconds per time you put your shoes on
Sculptus PoeI tie my shoes in a hidden knot bushwalk style and cut the ends of the laces off. They stay tied until I buy new shoes. I have a 3 foot long shoe horn to put them on. I guarantee I have saved at least a day of messing with shoes by the time I buy new ones after 2-3 years.
It does save a lot of time in cultures that expect shoes off in some indoors places.
I always take my shoes of inside, but say it saves 10 seconds for a pair of shoes. If you do that 3 times per day that adds up to around 3 hours saved per year. That’s not what I’d call a massive timesaver.
I tie most of my casually worn running shoes tight just loose enough that I can slip them on and off without tying them, not because it saves time but because it is just the right tension to feel good and is convenient.
Dress shoes and boots get tied each time because they don’t work that way.
TonavaVelcro
Having a cordwainer construct shoes directly on your feet without laces or other openings, then cutting the shoes off and discarding them after wearing them once.
cordwainer
Oh ho! A new word for me!
For the other 9,999:
A cordwainer is a shoemaker who creates new shoes from new leather, distinguishing them from cobblers, who primarily repair shoes.
tetris11Since most of these comments are quite over the top: The worst way to do it imo that you can still realistically do every time you put your shoes on without much issue is wrapping the laces around the sole of the shoe so you walk on the laces with every step.
With the knot on the sole? 💀
durinnNever again will I tie my shoes without suspecting I’m doing it wrong, somehow.
Akasazh
AxolotlFree energy.
tuckermThis actually IS what they do in psych wards, so, this might be the most technically correct answer.
Haha holy shit
Like this? I’ve done this for years on my work shoes. Normal laces don’t withstand sparks from angle grinder. I just keep them loose enough that I can get them on and off without cutting. I never open my shoelaces either.
Use steel wires so thin that every time you pull on them they cut into the flesh of your hands and you realize just how deeply therapeutic self-inflicted pain can be. You develop a new behavior: you untie and tie your “laces” without them actually becoming untied. You just want to feel the searing pain of metal sinking deep into your flesh. The free of charge buildup of bloodstains on your shoes is a bonus.
lime!
definitely_AIUsing dirty grill tongs.
Bunny ears.
Forcing your pet snail to do it for you
[off topic?]
Back in the day, the CIA taught agents to use shoelaces to send coded messages.
https://www.offgridweb.com/preparation/covert-communication-the-cia-shoelace-code/
Covert Communication: The CIA Shoelace Code
Let’s say you’re about to meet a friend in public, and you need to communicate an extremely important message. However, you can’t say a word, write down anything, or make any visible gestures. How would you communicate your message? This is a dilemma that was faced by government operatives during the height of the Cold […]
Ironically most people don’t know how to tie their shoelaces even if they think they do.
EponymousBoshWas expecting this link to be a Rickroll tbh
I’m not going to suggest this article isn’t helpful but this:
- It’s not some “Old Wives Tale” – it’s based on millennia of established knowledge;
is 100% AI slop (ed: training material). That’s where I stopped paying attention (ed: and shouldn’t have).
👉 “it’s not X it’s Y” is a a good indicator. Humans use this but AI fucking loves it, and generally in this order. “It’s X not Y” is a weaker indicator. This isn’t enough for me to be certain but it instantly triggers skepticism
👉 Clarifying something that was never in question to begin with. That’s not a subtle hint — it’s a dead giveaway. It’s contextual; humans use this rhetorical pattern, but not to deny something there is no existing implied suggestion of
👉 emdash is a weak indicator, but combined with the rest increases suspicion. “But this isn’t an emdash!” That’s because as search and replace was used to replace them with regular dash, but the usage is the same
👉 finishing a bullet with a semi-colon? (is that a thing? I’ve never seen anyone do it, AI or human — I’m going to go with atypical usage not indicative either way but I’m going to start looking for that as a pattern.)
👉 I used emojis instead of bullets because irony amuses me and it’s a very AI thing to do. If it didn’t trigger a question in your head of whether this comment is written by AI, it should have. Pay attention.
This is an anecdote but I’ve found that website years before any LLM ever got reported on, circa 2012 maybe? Idk I don’t remember. I used it for other shoelacong patterns as well between maybe 2012 - 2017 when I was into sneakers and tried to prettify the laces when I realized I’m not into collecting overpriced shoes made from poor quality materials.
You’re right. I was wrong. Sorry. Still leaving it because I think it’s solid analysis, but I’ll cop that it’s not perfect.
Personally I appreciate the reminder how to suss out AI slop.
MinnesotaGoddami could see ending a bullet point with a semicolon if you were turning a nested list into bullet points. by nested list, i mean something where you are using the semicolons as your larger dividers and your commas as your smaller dividers (eg: our favorite Normans: Norman, Ohio; Norman, Utah; Norman, Alberta; and Norman Johnson) normanly in that sitiation i’d pull the semicolon off the end, but that’s more of a taste decision. brevity. blah blah blah. the semicolon at the end, does it add to clarity or detract, or nothing at all? if detract or nothing, get rid of it.
I agree with your last portion fot using the semicolon. I do sometimes try to shoe horn it in though lol
Don’t you talk like that about Ian.
Dude’s site was used to train AI.
Also, thank you for your hyper-vigilance. It amuses me, and for your sense of irony in using AI to criticize something that predates AI as being written by AI.
Chef’s kiss.
and these are nice shoes too. has anyone ever noticed how nice these shoes are?
I’ve been sharing that link around for a decade. It was written way before anyone had even heard of LLMs.
Vandals_handleBeep boop zoop
👉Bad Ideas👈
👉i have an idea
👉i think it’s a good idea
👉which mean’s it’s a bad idea
👉do you think
👉👈i mean really think
👈it’d be okay if we kissed
👈and i mean really kissed
👈with butt grabbies and everything
👈under the finger gun bullets list
Oh my god, right? I’m so used to it at this point that I don’t even have to do forensics on it because it will inherently annoy the fuck outta me whenever I see it lmao
It always reads like an edgy 12 year old with main character syndrome wrote it.
Not 11. Not 13. But 12 — the prime of youth — a microtruth vibe of quiet acknowledgement.
And when that feeling shifts?
That’s when you truly see the excess needless paragraph indents for what they are.
Not a desperate vye for the appearance of being deep — never a desperate vye — But a signature of lolsorandom AI speak trying to look a credible source.