Mastodawn

#ActualyAutistic

You know, I am going through some stressful things right now, have opted into living with a friend and his family for reasons, and frequently have to retreat from people. But their kids don't trigger me. Neither do their animals.

What is your theory why? I would really like to hear what other people think, or if this is not a universal experience? Is there an age where it wears off?

George Liquor, American Dec 19

@Urban_Hermit I often feel like I can't give whatever the people around me need. Or I feel judged.

Kids and animals understandably don't have this affect.

ymmv

❣️u.s. pause federal tax remittances Dec 19

@liquor_american
agreed. adult humans who are susceptible to systemic oppression (often vapidly referred to as "normal") wall themselves in teeny boxes dissonant with reality to be the good consumers the system expects them to be.

i find it exhausting to engage with the cognitive dissonance most of them embrace.

Franchesca Dec 19

@melioristicmarie @liquor_american @Urban_Hermit This is an excellent insight.

Raederle Dec 19

@Urban_Hermit Perhaps they are a safe family. Maybe they have loved ones who are autistic or they have a bit themselves and have consciously or unconsciously chosen to live in a fashion that is calming for you.

I TRIED TO TELL YOU Dec 19

@Urban_Hermit Possibly you're simply better acquainted with your host.

There are a lot of factors at play with social interactions, but I generally feel like kids and animals are just living in the moment and being direct about it. There's little unspoken norms or expectations running in the background.

Franchesca Dec 19

@Urban_Hermit autistic people tend to be friends with people who are high in autistic traits, and autistic traits tend to be hereditary. It could be that you all naturally have similar communication styles? I know my eldest kid said they had no sensory discomfort with smells at home during their diagnosis interviews, but since I also have these problems I had just made the house a safe space from strong smells.

🔥Cassandra🔥Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit I would guess you don't feel the same pressure around them. They may be more accepting than adults tend to be.

Kevin Davy Dec 20

@Cassandra @Urban_Hermit
I think it's because they have no hidden expectations. What you see is what you get.

Urban Hermit Dec 20

@pathfinder @Cassandra agreed. Big contrast. It is funny though, that means that if we were all as transparent as kids we might all get along easier.

Maybe I should watch the movie The Invention of Lying. I have been putting it off, but maybe there will be an analogy in there that is relevant.

I wonder when kids go 'bad'? Is it biological, or cultural?

Kevin Davy Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @Cassandra
At a guess I would say cultural. The moment they realise that appearance is more important in their world than reality.

🔥Cassandra🔥Dec 20

@pathfinder @Urban_Hermit I would also say cultural. Otherwise the assumption is that people are inherently bad?

Lynn McAlister UE

@Cassandra @pathfinder @Urban_Hermit It's also true that you do find people who maintain these what-you-see-is-what-you-get characteristics. So it's not only cultural, but also probably individual. Some people are just never convinced by the 'appearances matter most' idea - or can't find the energy to live that way.

Urban Hermit Dec 20

@lmgenealogy @Cassandra @pathfinder I think I could almost mask all the time, but just like lying, it doesn't feel like it is worth the energy to maintain and life even as I am now makes me tired.

And being a good masker, or liar, is a lot of mental hard work. It involves maintaining an entire separate reality in your head where things with insufficient evidence to be self supporting are called true. And then frequent talking to try to support the illusion.

No wonder NTs are paranoid.

Lynn McAlister UE

@Urban_Hermit @Cassandra @pathfinder I just can't do it. People are always surprised by the things I say, but most of them cope pretty well once they get used to me.

Urban Hermit Dec 20

@pathfinder @Cassandra wow!

That is an insight right there, just casually laid down like it was nothing. That's why you are a good follow, thanks. 👍

Urban Hermit Dec 20

@pathfinder @Cassandra I basically model other people all the time, to tell me what is reasonable and what to expect. But other people are doing that and also counter modeling, trying to be different than what they are, for reasons that escape me. Do they think just being human and having needs is that bad?

Or maybe humans have one predator worth being paranoid about - other humans. And that adaptation in late adolescence and early adulthood makes neurotypicals mask, most of the time.

Urban Hermit Dec 20

@pathfinder @Cassandra and those of us who do not mask enough, who deal in honesty, openness, and ethically, who say how things really are, are seen as dangerous.

Like antelope on the plains avoiding their injured brethren, because they attract lions, neurotypicals avoid the autistic human, who may soon attract predatory attention.

Wow!

Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @pathfinder @Cassandra
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ding ding ding 💜

Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @pathfinder @Cassandra
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read me, if you really want an answer, but it’s not cheerful 💜

Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @pathfinder @Cassandra
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that’s not fair, “read me,” it’s a mess. I’m sorry. I just wanted say I think I have an answer but I didn’t want to jump in depressing and broken record again.
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it’s this seamless blend of culture and genetics, it’s curturally mandated that children should be disciplined, but also the majority type is selecting and growing an epigenetic response in their children for it.
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I’m frustrated and always trying to find a way to say that to them, they think about the expediency of the discipline, but they do not think about environment and evolution. 💜

Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @pathfinder @Cassandra
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So in a way, this distinction is that gene and that epigenetic optioning: animals and children don’t have it, as others have said here, (or it’s dormant in the majority children) so a person isn’t a full blown Allistic until after the activation of some Allistic genes through child, uh, discipline.
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There’s a softer Allism prior, I assume, but the tempered version afterwards?
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#ActuallyAutistic @autistics

Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @pathfinder @Cassandra
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Never quite framed it like that before. Let’s try in in their format:
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If a child has the “genetic vulnerability,” a lot of genes, “associated with,” Allism, they may or may not develop the full disorder, depending on whether they encounter certain environmental “triggers.”
😀
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#ActuallyAutistic @autistics

Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @pathfinder @Cassandra
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Question: when they say things in this format about us, are our generic, “triggers,” obvious to them, like theirs, of child abuse, are to me?
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I mean, to me, it’s logical, you show them violence, you get violence. While they see a hundred possible, “causes,” apparently at random and then try to show some unseen mechanism to make it causal after the fact.
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😀
#ActuallyAutistic @autistics

Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit @pathfinder @Cassandra
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You know what I want? I want Ricky to make another one, mine, “The Invention of Punishment.”
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I love idea, definitely having trouble writing it, my only idea is that our man is a comic in a wonderful, completely voluntary world without punishment, and in lieu of lying, as in the real film, he comes across a slapstick, and discovers he can terrorize people IRL with it. 💜
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Anyone out there with the imagination to write THAT, or anybody knows Ricky, feel free, just mention my name and add me as a consultant 😜
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#ActuallyAutistic @autistics #screenwriting

WearyBonnie Dec 20

@Urban_Hermit
I think lack of masking could come into it. Not that kids don't mask, but maybe either these particular kids don't mask, or they don't feel they have to mask with you, and so when you're with them you don't need to analyse their facial expressions and body language etc to work out if there's something else going on under the surface, because the surface level expression is "honest/unmasked"?

Urban Hermit Dec 20

@3TomatoesShort I agree. I would say, and most people here seem to agree, that kids and animals are transparent. When they are communicating they are trying their best to communicate. When they don't feel like communicating, they are just there, doing their own thing. They don't bother me at all.

Even the daughter who is mischievous and may sometimes try to steal my hat, or some other 'I want attention' technique, feels fundamentally honest. Sometimes a little tiresome, but within my abilities.

I'm a bit socially awkward in real life, although I really enjoy public speaking (I have a knack for it).

But I'm INCREDIBLY comfortable around fellow geeks - at science fiction conventions, for example.

Maybe we are just more comfortable around our own kind.

Urban Hermit Dec 21

@Quasit I can always tell one of us. It only takes a few sentences. And one of us is always worth listening too. What ever is said next is going to be logical and reasonable and probably a very nuanced but accurate take on a problem. And even if it seemed to a neurotypical that this is just a long list of observations, these are just the premises that need to be recognized to see the cleverness of the coming solution.

D C Fitzgerald Dec 21

@Urban_Hermit intelligence agencies warned that Russia is actively preparing for potential conflict on NATO’s eastern flank, with a timeline of 5 to 10 years to rearm once the hot phase of the Ukraine war subsides.

It's the same for me. I'm good at passing for neurotypical, generally. But I can spot a geek a mile away. Except it's getting a little harder with younger people, since so many of them are into it now - particularly women. When I was young, there were virtually no women who were into geeky stuff. Guess I was born too soon!

@Urban_Hermit Well, I'm 65, and I still run to my sister from another gene pool of nearly 50 years. The only thing that's worn off after all this time is the need to question why. Be at peace and enjoy the time spent there.