Yesterday was a hard day. Got cheered up a bit today by getting a free bike off one of those Buy Nothing groups on Facebook.

When last I visited my family I rode a pushbike for the first time in over twenty years and I'd forgotten how much fun they were, how light, how without the context of being on top of an engine you look behind yourself and go "Wow, I went FAR!" and I said "Haha yeah I'm gonna get a bike when I get back to America." My brother said, as many people in my life have always said, "Dan, never buy a pushbike, people throw or give them away them all the time" and everyone's right of course, they do.

This thing's got two problems, slow leaks in the tyres and not changing gears properly. I've never fiddled with a derailleur before but eh, it's not rocket science, it just goes in and out on a cable; got the derailleur all cleaned off and adjusted up and still no dice so I took apart the shifter mech that lives on the yoke. Symptom was it wouldn't shift down more than a couple of clicks, this is the style where you've got two levers, one has a positive snap and one feels like a ratchet, the ratchetty one weren't ratchetting so I figured its ratchet must be stuck open and aye, its ratchet were stuck open.

Now if only I'd known this thing came apart on a left-hand thread, I might not have stripped that one bolt and be waiting on parts, but in the meantime I worked it a bit and gave it a drop of oil and now the ratchet bit works if you press up as well as in lol, just kinda hold it together with a squeeze whenever you change gears, it's fine

Tyres can wait til the weekend, I'll just pump it up now and then

Also this thing is so high. It's SO. HIGH. I'm 185cm and when I went to see to the bloke giving it away I craned my neck right back to say hello, dude could've been 2m tall. The seat's already down as far as it'll go and I'm 41 so I don't think I'm likely to grow into it. Getting real Penny Farthing feeling tryna ride the thing. Good fun though, and littleun actually managed to Properly Ride her bike today for a few metres, pedalling and everything, so tomorrow's gonna be a dad-and-daughter-and-bike day

So does your perineum develop calluses or do you just stop caring

Thanks for the replies, I'll see if there's some adjustments to be made to this thing.

Memories of sitting on a motorbike for the first time and immediately going "Yeah pushbike saddles are bullshit"

Other bike-related news, couple park trips ago there was a bloke trying to learn how to ride a unicycle and we chatted a bit

Back in my early 30's I wan convinced unicycles were the way to go, 'cause you don't have to chain them up outside the shop, just pick 'em up in the crook of your arm and carry them in. I mentioned this online and next time I visited family lo and behold, there was a unicycle.

Apparently someone'd found it in some bushes on the common. It'd obviously been thrown pretty hard.

BIKE THREAD: New rear shifter on, front derailer adjusted up too, disc brake in the back adjusted up so it ain't binding no more, thing's flying now! Got plenty of other improvements and realignments and relubrication and cleaning to do.

Working on pushbikes is satisfying. They're wide open and easy enough to work on that you can get really obvious-feeling-and-sounding improvements in very little time.

Bike thread: wow cleaning/lubing the chain made a BIG difference, also uh

Cycling sure changes your butt huh

Alright so, in the shower, showering my stuff, and noticing wow

Wew

Whoooo OK

So I've got the wee cycle computer thing working (standard leaky-battery repair, see many of my other posts) and it tells me I've gone like 3km on this thing, gonna guess probably about another 3 before it was working, so in just 6km of fairly unchallenging just-for-the-fun-of-going-fast cycling my arse has firmed up impressively and... elongated? Like, territory that I once thought of as "Lower back adjacent" are now Very Definitely Unmistakably Arse Meat?

And also like, my thighs and butt and lower back feel way more powerful? To where I'm wondering if this has increased my moving-heavy-stuff capacity?

Bikes are great because you pedal them super hard and the wind goes through your ears and you zoom around laughing "HAHAHA I'M GOING SOO FAST!!!" and you look down at your speedo and it says 16
Anyway yeah get a bike, they're fun and free and they make you strong and give you a nice bum and they go really fast (they don't go really fast, but they FEEL like they go really fast)
🦝🚲 "Look at me, zoom zoom zoom, so so fast"
Speedo reading 11mph 🕐 "Sure are, champ! Good job lil' buddy!"
🦝🚲 *sets the speedo to km/h so I go even faster*

Me, 8 years old: 🐀 "Cor, wouldn't it be ace if pushbikes had their own roads. Their own little roads that could take shortcuts where the big roads can't go. You wouldn't get shouted at for riding on the pavement, or shouted at for riding on the road, you'd have a Bike Road and it'd just be for bikes and the car drivers wouldn't get cross with you for going too slow and the walkers wouldn't get cross with you for going too fast. Bike roads. Wee little bike roads just for bikes. Cracking idea."

Me, in my forties: 🦝 *whimsical chuckle* "Ah, the follies of youth."

Me, still in my forties but now fully qualified to talk on infrastructure decisions having owned a bike for like two weeks: 🦝 "ACTUALLY YEAH SOD THIS THE LITTLE RAT WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG"

Kiddo is spoiled now and has two bikes, because I saw one for $20 that had suspension and a seven-speed gearbox. She's just figured out downshifting, took her a while to develop either the thumb strength or the technique.

Turned up at the park with 39km on the clock, kiddo went "Let's get to 50!" so that's what we did this afternoon, just zoomed around the park for 11km while she cycled up and down the gears

(oh, except the $20 bit? this was at one of those thrift stores where everything has a price sticker in a different colour, and on a given day of the week a given colour till be 75% off. So it was a FIVER)

Also we went to the local bike co-op and got spouse a bike, here it is

I don't think I've ever ridden a step-through-frame bike before but I was chosen to take this for a test ride as spouse can't ride yet and wow, this thing is just... So. Chill.

My bike:
🚲 come sit on me
🦝 ok
🦝 wow you're not comfy at all
🚲 face down ass up, that's the way
🦝 is that for like
🦝 aerodynamics or something
🚲 uh yeah aerodynamics aye sure

Spouse's bike:
🚲 take a seat
🦝 wow it's like sitting in a chair
🚲 ??? how else would you sit???
🦝 face down ass up
🚲 you've been riding that aerodynamics guy haven't you

You literally sit normally? Like you're sitting at the computer? And pedal? And your feet when you're pedalling are pretty close to the ground, no worries about tipping over. Dude at the shop said it was a good beginner bike, I think it's just a good bike in general, it's a very easy relaxing ride, I could ride this around all day

Back in the day, back when I were a wee lad, this would've been called a girl's bike.

The difference between a girl's bike and a boy's bike is a boy's bike has the crossbar positioned such that an inexperienced rider can stop too suddenly, slide forward off the seat and slam their full body weight into wrapping their testicles around a steel bar at high speed

this was a radicalizing event for many young boys

1980's
🐁 *holding ice against crotch* Dad, how come girl's bikes don't have the bollock-mashing bar
🐺 no need for it lad, they've got nae bollocks
🐁
🐺 not much point putting a bollock masher if there's nae bollocks to mash is there
🐺 be a bloody waste of money

2020's
🐀 *holding ice against crotch* Dad, why
🐁 You know, I asked my dad this when I was your age, and his answer doesn't really fit in this decade. You probably know a couple of girls with bollocks. Maybe a boy with no bollocks. Either way, girls with bollocks get to ride the bikes without the bollock-mashing bar, and boys with no bollocks can ride the bollock masher, in a lot of ways it's a more enlightened time
🐀 Dad what
🐁 I mean these days girls can ride the bollock mashing bikes too
🐁 So can non-binary folk, bollocks or no
🐀 dad
🐁 Anyway times change is what I'm saying
🐁 The important thing is squashing the bollocks
🐀
🐁 Flat

🐀 Dad I think I've decided that the pointless gendering of inanimate objects is an institution that has to be smashed
🐁 Like your bollocks
At the Bike Factory
🦊 Johnson, the womenfolk are wearing pants now, we must adapt, deal with it
🐛 yes sir mister Putridson sir right away sir
🦊 good god man what are you doing what are you DOING
🐛 i was removing the testiclular flattening device from the gentlemens' cycles sir
🦊 YOU PUT THAT BACK ON RIGHT NOW YOU SON OF A BITCH
🐛 but sir since all the cycles can be more homogenous now i thought -
🦊 Johnson, we are the SUPPLY side of the equation. If the market demands gender equality, we, as the supplier, will respond with "supply-side" equality.
🐛 sir i'm not sure i
🦊 Put the bollock masher on the girl's bikes too Johnson
🐛 sir
🦊🚬
🦊 Do as you're told, Johnson
🦊 We have an increasing number of non-binary customers Johnson, deal with it
🐛 sir yes sir
🐛
🐛 sir
🦊 Out with it man
🐛 sir, the... with regards to the testicular flattening device...
🦊 With regards to the bollock masher, Johnson, our non-binary customers deserve the same bollock-mashing opportunities as everyone else.
🦊 In fact, now's the perfect time to talk to you about our new motto, Sarah can you come over here a moment
🐩 sir
🦊 Tell him what your department's come up with.
🐩 *ahemhm*
🐩 "Whatever you're packing, we'll give it a whacking."
🦊🚬 Genius.
🦊 Johnson, while I have you, how's that prototype coming along?
🐛 the one you requested sir, with the upward-aiming boxing glove mechanically linked to the crankshaft?
🦊 The Bike of the Future, yes
🐛 we're having a few problems finding test riders sir
🦊 Hahahaha I'm sure you are Johnson hahaha
(note, the filter may be on the right or on the left depending on how your machine renders the 🚬 emoji. On my phone the filter is on the right, so canonically 🦊 smokes his cigarettes from the lit end)
Somehow I forgot that in my country bikes with step-through frames were called "Sit up and beg" style bikes when I were a lad, which just makes this whole situation even kinkier
🦊 It's a whole new world of opportunities in the bike business now Johnson
🐛 sir
🦊 These days anyone can ride face-down-ass-up like a good boy, or sit-up-and-beg like a good girl
🐩 What about the bad girls
🦊 For goodness' sake Sarah we don't sell to bad girls
🐩 Sir at our last general meeting you specified that our target markets were
🐩👓 "Good girls, good boys and good-to-medium non-binary individuals"
🦊 Ah yes, what slogan have you come up with for the medium enbies
🐛 Sir we still haven't designed a bike for the medium enbies
🦊 you WHAT

Bike Thread:

Wow truing up a wheel is a bit fiddly innit

I got a spoke wrench 'cause the trashbike had comedy wheels, I twisted and turned and got it more gooder, should have stopped at Good Enough but instead I got out the incredibly sensitive dial indicator I use for setting my table saw blade and oh man was that a bad idea. A wheel that eyeballed straight enough has that little needle swinging around like a fox's tail in a stripey sock factory.

NEVER LOOK CLOSELY AT ANYTHING is the lesson to take away here

Bike thread update: been riding just a couple times a week since last November, not for exercise, not for commuting, just for the simple joy of going fast. Didn't even ride at all in the cold-cold part of winter. Not even 100km on my odometer.

All the above is just for context. I just went to buy some new shorts, 'cause these ones are falling apart.

And man, see next CW'd post...

Dang, yeah, doing the same thing I do when I buy clothes (typically annually, still wishing I could just give my measurements to a bloke in a shed and have him chuck me a couple of bin bags), y'know, stick my hands in the pockets first to make sure they're worth trying on, liftyleggy, give a wiggle to make sure they're not gonna annoy me, turnyspinnyshoulderlooky to see how much I'll distract folk and WHOA HAHA WHAT HAPPENED THERE

You know how sometimes things change slowly over time and you get the occasional visceral reminder that recontextualizes the last few months?

Damn, my ass is fine now lol

This was totally worth it

I understand why some bike guys wear the tight stuff now, they say it's for aerodynamics or whatever but really it's because they're proud of their new arses and they wanna show them off

I paid $0 for this bike and it's given me hours of bonding time with my daughter and a butt my spouse can't keep her hands off

I am one of Those Guys now, I will evangelize bikes just so there can be more people in the world who are happy with their tocks

I cannot overemphasize enough the gratuitous overpayment in positive changes to my body in exchange for just how casually I've been riding this bike.

Someone who actually cared could get up early, set their odometer to zero, pass what I've done since November and get back home for a normal bedtime. I haven't commuted, I've barely done any hills, and I wasn't trying to exercise. I was half-assing it!

But my bike was all 🚲 Half-assing, huh? You've barely got three-eighths of an ass to start with, let's fix that

My presidential platform is a massive expansion to bike infrastructure so that everyone can spend more time in the extremely attractive state of having a slight sheen of sweat, fingers striped with chain oil that you want to sniff, and a magnificent, powerful, biteable ass

BIKE THREAD: Littleun's bike has always been hard to downshift. So far it's had its cables and housings cleaned, chain cleaned and lubed, housings and cable lubed (I was of two minds how the materials interact but decided heck with it let's give it a go), derailleur cleaned/lubed and endlessly adjusted, shifter and cable replaced, derailleur replaced, and now I've just got a package of new cable housings and fedi, dear fedi, as far as my pinball-technician's eyes can see there's just not anything else to change except the (admittedly dodgy-looking) housing geometry.

Any tips for routing the housing? To my eyes it looks like one or two too-sharp transitions

Here's some pics (alt for all three: cables routing in black housing against a pink bike)

Am I right in thinking these could be done smoother? Her thumb's just not strong enough to shift down ㄟ(ツ)ㄏ

So remember last night when I was all "Nah, it's the picture taken at a funny angle," well I just went to take another pic and looked at it with fresh eyes and went "Oh wow yeah that's hecked up huh"

(2 pics showing a gear shifter at an "It's just my art style" angle)

See I copied the mounting angle from my bike, where I sit at a weird angle because my bike is a face-down-ass-up-like-a-good-boy style. I've reevaluated the angle a bit here so it's closer to being parallel with the brake lever, but aye, that top housing routing is Bad

Gotta figure out a new housing that takes the bag into account 'cause she loves her bag y'know

Side view.

Aye gonna have to think about that housing huh

Alright so. I re-routed the upper housing, crossing it over the top of the yoke around the speedo, and that made things a good bit easier.

It was when I was pulling the cable through that I noticed it'd gotten frayed inside the lower housing! That was a brand new cable that came with the shifter!

So I replaced the lower housing entirely (got one of those cheap all-in-one kits online with the cables and housing and ferrules and a cutting tool and all those other bits and bobs), new cable also, and WOW what a difference. The old housings were all rusty and scragged up inside! So I replaced all three sets of housings and now it shifts BUTTERY SMOOOOOOTH

Once I'd figured out where the problem lay, it wasn't hard to fix it. The housing comes in a roll like this and you cut it to length
Popping a new cable on was similarly easy, it also comes very long and you cut it to length.
Learned from last time that it's a good idea to leave it slightly long and melt a little dab of solder just upstream from where you intend to cut, so it doesn't have a chance to unravel before you get the ferrule on
I don't have a dedicated crimping tool for these ferrules but I bet one of my electrical crimpers will do the job

Passes the tug test, and job's a good 'un!

Another job where fixing the problem took a fraction of the time of figuring out which bit was the problem.

Haven't ridden bike in a few weeks 'cause holiday and Other Crap, just took it out for a quick spin round the block and OOF MY BODY FORGOT QUICKLY

Backs of my thighs are burning real good now

Gonna hafta just keep doing it more eh

I got a new bike!

The other one's a road bike and very tall and not especially comfy so I got this one for $15 from a local bike co-op.

This one's got more relaxed geometry and shocks on the front. Also I kinda dig the colours; and by the colours I mean the way it's still red in the back but the previous owner ground off all the paint in the front.

Spent a while with naphtha and brushes clearing massive chunks of gross outta the drivechain, got the chain off and cleaned up well enough to determine that it was beyond salvage

Didn't need a chain wear gauge to figure that, just wiggled it in my hands lol

So, bike: $15
New chain: + $15

Got the new chain on, skippetyskippety on 4, maybe I shoulda looked more closely at those back sprockets before hitting checkout huh, alright yeah 4th is absolutely shagged, it's bollocksed, it's an ex-parrot, the only chain it was ever gonna work with was the one that could extend out a full link past the same number of links on the new chain. 4's the worst but they all look pretty ragged.

So, bike: $15
Plus new chain: + $15
Plus a new cassette: another $15

Gonna want new cables and housings on it too... brake pads...

oh and it's had a new tube already. Plus wants tyres.

Aside from that it's great

Freewheel, not cassette apparently. Anyway new freewheel turned up (they sent the wrong one) and I sent it back and got the correct one and the cassette removal tool turned up (I ordered the wrong one) and then I ordered the correct freewheel removal tool and then that turned up and MAN

this does NOT want to come off

Wrapping my biggest adjustable spanner in a rag so I can bang away at it with a big hammer, still not coming off

Dripped some oil in, gonna give it overnight and then tomorrow I'm gonna get out the pipe wrench and blowtorch and Tell that thing

For those following along at home, PB Blaster was what made the difference between "Impossible" and "Possible, albeit by smacking a massive pipe wrench with a hammer"
Haven't updated y'all in a while, Halfred has new shifters and brakes now but what I came on here to say was CHECK OUT MY BIG BIKE BUTT BAGS
Touching bikes calms me down in these troubling times

Spousebike has buttbags now too

These were $12 off AliExpress. The difference between these bags and the identical ones for $40 off Amazon is that the Amazon ones have sat offgassing in someone's garage for a couple days so they don't have that New Manufacturing smell to them.

They smell like my school bags did in the 80's when they were fresh off the market stand

Putting big thicc bike butt bags on bikes calms me down in these troubling times

@ifixcoinops TIL that those are called panniers, and also that the word pannier comes from "bread basket", and thus you're only allowed to transport bread in a pannier.

https://www.etymonline.com/word/pannier

pannier | Etymology of pannier by etymonline

large basket for provisions, from Old French panier, paniere basket, from Latin… See origin and meaning of pannier.

@ifixcoinops I want to get things like this for my bike, but I'm paralysed with fear that anything I buy won't have the right fixings to attach to my bike (I don't have a metal frame thingy above the rear wheel for them to go on, I need that bit too). Are they all universal, and if not, how do I get the right kind? Pretty please 🙏
@ifixcoinops Ah, the ol' "I'm through asking nicely" method. Well done!
@ifixcoinops Can't stick if it's a liquid!
@ifixcoinops stating the obvious but have you checked it's not a left hand thread?
@ifixcoinops I like waving the angle grinder insouciantly nearby, with a devil-may-care 'I could just wander over there' attitude. Make the bastard sweat.
@ifixcoinops I am hearing you bought a frame. XD
@bluestarultor most of some wheels too

@ifixcoinops @bluestarultor shifters, crank, fenders, rack.

That sounds like I'm trying to say something sketchy so I'm leaving it.

@ifixcoinops the bike of theseus innit
@ifixcoinops If you think of spares as proxy gasoline, it's all cheap at the price.
@ifixcoinops I love this and I’d love to be good at bike repair but at the same time I hate bike repair and I love to support my local bike shop. I should pick a (bike) path and stick to it: either learn this stuff or just happily throw money at the local experts.
@ifixcoinops We're updating you to "Dan Fixes Coin-Ops and Bikes".

@ifixcoinops

"... and a pound for knowing /where/ to thump it."

#expertise

@ifixcoinops try unhooking the cable from the back and see if it gets any easier to push/pull through the housing? that'll tell you if it's the derailleur sticking or the cable itself

those look like normal cable routing to me tbh but I've only ever had cheap bikes

@emily @ifixcoinops What emily days, first off. If the cable housing is dragging, have you replaced the housing itself? I think they have a liner (??), so if it's worn or cracked inside you'd get metal-on-metal contact that will add friction. (Also, more from imagination than experience, a bad housing might seem fine in isolation, but develop bad drag only when the cable comes under tension.)
@emily it does move unimpeded with the derailleur detached, aye, that's why I put a new derailleur on. Was gonna try cutting the spring back but wanted a spare derailleur ready to go in case I hecked it up lol

@ifixcoinops the cable route near the shifter lever entry is awful - that bag at the front is pushing the cable against the housing something fierce.
Smooth turns, large radii, and straight entries into any housing.

You could also tilt the lever so it can be operated by the thick of the thumb instead of the thumb pad? I just remembered I did this in my first geared bike

@Taco_lad aye I wanna swap out that housing and do a better job of routing but she loves her bag y'know

@ifixcoinops Asking my bike nut dad, one moment.

Agree that the cable dressing going into the shifter is not ideal. IMO too much slack in there and agree the bag might be causing issues.

If you disconnect the cable from the shifter, can they operate it?

@ifixcoinops I was noticing, and dad agrees, that it looks like the shifters are rotated. The thumb shifters I've seen operate more or less horizontally -- grab the bar with four fingers and use that leverage to push it forward with your thumb. It looks like this needs you to push *down* with your thumb, which you just can't exert as much force with.

But it also seems like you can't rotate it without interfering with the brake lever. I feel bad for even asking this, but, is there a chance the shifter is installed on the wrong side and/or upside-down? Did it come with a diagram?

@ieure @ifixcoinops Yeah, it kind of looks like someone half-assed swapping sides for the shifters? I'd usually expect for the cables to cross in front of the handlebar, so the shifter that's currently mounted to the right should be on the left?

@galaxis @ieure if I put it on the left I'd have to put it upside-down, surely? Or am I misunderstanding?

I think I need to take a better photo of the shifter, I'll do that in the morning

@ifixcoinops Hrm, that seems wrong indeed. Maybe they just swapped the cables over to the other side?

@ieure

@ifixcoinops @galaxis @ieure try to take a photo so the bike is upstraight, the front wheel aiming straight, and your phone level in all 3 dimmensions, It really lookslike you have to push down instead of to the front. And maybe the cables arr misrouted becase the cables from the right handle should go down the middle or left, not the right, just like aiming a ball with the flippers.
@mdione @ifixcoinops @galaxis This toot is a year old, pretty sure it's sorted.
@ieure @ifixcoinops @galaxis dang, my client didn't warn me. Sorry.
@mdione Haha, I'm pretty certain that replying to old posts one of the things that no client warns about.
@galaxis I was sure that mine, #phanpy, did it. Maybe not on the phone?

@ieure Oh that's just a crap photo with weird perspective, it's mounted normally pressing in with the thumb.

Just the one derailleur on this bike, 7-speed shifter on the right

@ifixcoinops the only one of those that looks poorly to me is the cable routing by the handlebars? also the shifter itself looks to be mounted oddly…like maybe it’s a left hand shift mounted upside down? that shouldn’t affect the mechanicals of it though, but it might make it harder to get the necessary leverage for clicking it.

and just to make sure, they’re clicking the big lever one direction and using the little lever to click the big one back down?

@jepyang I'm gonna go take a better pic of the shifter mount 'cause you're not the only one who's said this

@ifixcoinops how does your kid feel about friction shifters? indexed are easier but it’s also a “one more thing to go wrong” situation.

that it’s persisted through cable, housing, derailleur, and shifter swaps though is definitely odd. you’re not wrong that there’s just…not much more to it.

@jepyang I haven't addressed the housing yet, if I sort out the housing and it's still stiff I might look into other options aye
@ifixcoinops @jepyang as a super newbie to bikes (just changed my first brake lever the other day) watching you puzzle out this one has been very educational. Thanks for talking about it.