✨buff dog himbo✨Sep 27, 2023

Been thinking some stuff about being #ActuallyAutistic lately...

I've known I'm #autistic for a number of years now, #Selfdx, but this info has helped me significantly. However, just KNOWING you're autistic doesn't mean you can automatically "hack" your autism, & definitely not ignore it.

I require carefully curated routines to accomplish basic things. Hygiene, food intake, going to sleep at a reasonable hour, don't come naturally. I rely on numerous cues, which require work to maintain.

Show thread✨buff dog himbo✨Sep 27, 2023

I took a trip recently for a few days, to see my family, help my disabled sister with her dogs while she enjoyed a rare overnight trip, & hang out a bit afterward.

I had originally requested wednesday-Saturday off work to do this, with plans to return home on Friday & have Saturday as a buffer before returning to work. This, as it turns out, is not a cushy choice I make & can choose not to make. It's a requirement based on what I know about myself now in order to avoid Bad Things.

Show thread✨buff dog himbo✨Sep 27, 2023
I had a mini meltdown by the next morning before work. Everything becomes extremely hard. I can't do my chores, I can't take a shower, i can't eat properly, I can't properly manage my feelings & expressions or dealing with other people's feelings & expressions, & I feel more pain in my body. I'm likely to get physically sick during these times, both from acid reflux & just failing to fight off illnesses. I often cry a lot & get very angry, & desperately wish everyone would stop perceiving me.
Show thread✨buff dog himbo✨Sep 27, 2023

So, as it happens, my dad was having a joint birthday party for my sibling & their child on Saturday. I was obliged to go, & I wanted to visit with more family. So instead of going home, I went to my dad's on Friday & went home Saturday night.

I did not get my day off to slink around my own home with the curtains drawn eating cheerios & making weird noises. I had to work the next day, I had to get up at a planned time, work with the public for several hours, & do that for 3 days straight.

Show thread✨buff dog himbo✨
Thankfully, I will have a few days off now & can start to make up for this deficit. I still don't know how to explain this process to non-autistic people. I have only fairly recently begun to kind of understand it myself. When I take a trip, even one I'm really looking forward to, it WILL disrupt my delicate routines & affect my physical & mental health. I WILL need AT LEAST one FULL DAY to recover from something I ENJOYED DOING. I never return from any "vacation" feeling rested or rejuvenated.
Sep 27, 2023 at 6:03amTusky
Show thread✨buff dog himbo✨Sep 27, 2023
#ActuallyAutistic people: be nice to yourselves!!! Don't tell yourself you have to always be the most adaptable, flexible, permissive version of yourself you can muster. Your routines are an important part of your health. Your #SafeFoods are important & worth prioritizing when you're away. Your #stimming is necessary, it's a bodily function with a purpose & you need to make time & space to do it. Same with your #specialInterests. Give yourself the time you need to recover, even from fun things.
Show thread✨buff dog himbo✨Sep 27, 2023
And yes, the fact that this process is built into autistic people is part of why autistics are underemployed. A 40-hour work week of five 8-hour work days is not sustainable for me. I have only managed to work a 40-hour week a few times in my life. Autistic burnout is real & it is disabling. Having a definite cap on your amount of time & energy you can safely dedicate to work without having regular meltdowns, chronic burnout, & pain is a disability, & most non-autistics can't even understand it.
Show threadquackademicSep 27, 2023
@itsmeholland 🙏🏻