pamela_weaverTop tip for men who don't want to be accused of being creepy arounnd women: Don't be creepy around women.
Tim Richards@pamela_weaver @vitaminsludge That would solve it.
Walter van Holst@pamela_weaver Which is a useless tip. Nobody wants to be creepy.
Liam Proven@whvholst @pamela_weaver Exactly. This is not only useless "advice", it's a sort of a dark pattern of passive-aggression.
"People don't like that thing you do, so don't do it."
"What thing?"
"THAT THING YOU DO! Stop it!"
... without ever explaining what they are doing, how they are doing it, or what else they should do instead or how.
Random bloke: *exists*
"NOT THAT WAY!"
@whvholst @pamela_weaver If you find the way that some men behave unsettling, then you have work to do too: identify what it is that they do, how they behave, when, where, in what contexts. And that's not enough either. Then you have to work out what you would prefer them to do, in response to what.
@whvholst @pamela_weaver
I became a dad at 51 years old, am happily in a relationship now, & will soon marry my daughter's mum.
But I've spent most of my life single & lonely, & I was in my 40s before one ex partner gave me a hint (1, singular) how to act.
Very very few people *choose* to be weird or creepy. So they cannot just _choose_ NOT to be.
Don't just attack. As a general life rule, don't criticize without offering alternatives. There's behaviour you dislike? Spell it out. Help.
Gianluca Fiore@whvholst
Exactly. But social media is all about slogans and not actual steps to fix anything so...
Exactly. But social media is all about slogans and not actual steps to fix anything so...
Claude@whvholst men totally understand what creepy means and why they are perceived as such by women. They just don't want to change their behavior nor respect women. @pamela_weaver
@switch @pamela_weaver No, there are plenty of shy, clumsy and/or neurodivergent men that are perceived as creepy. There are of course also cases that enjoy demeaning others, am willing to restate my remark as that most people don't want to be creepy. But do enjoy dehumanising everyone that doesn't conform to your expectations.
@whvholst I do not dehumanized anyone. You have a point about ND men. I'm pretty sure the original statement is not talking about them but about NT men unwilling to better themselves. But you can definitely derail the conversation. 🙃 @pamela_weaver
@switch @pamela_weaver Well, like a clumsy man intending the opposite of being creepy, making a sweeping statement about men being creepy by design is pre-derailing whatever the intention was by doing so.
@whvholst I know it's not your intention but you come off as willing to be unaccountable for your actions. I would like to ask you one question, genuinely. Why would you raise this concern of yours specifically in response to a toot about women feeling unsafe around men? Don't you think this legitimate concern warrants its own conversation without derailing the original one here? @pamela_weaver
@switch @pamela_weaver The toot specifically painted every man that has come across as creepy with the same brush of malicious intent. It is punching down to neurodiverse men as well as the merely clumsy and shy. Accountability from actions cannot be there if there is an a priori assumption of malice, which the original toot has. Legitimate concerns warrant legitimate and intellectually honest discourse. This is not how to start that.
Paolo Redaelli@pamela_weaver
Being father of two wonderful (child and teenage) daughters I use the rule "can I behave this way in front of my daughters?"
Or your mother. Or grandmother.
AFAICS it's an easy and functional rule
Being father of two wonderful (child and teenage) daughters I use the rule "can I behave this way in front of my daughters?"
Or your mother. Or grandmother.
AFAICS it's an easy and functional rule
s173nc3r@pamela_weaver
Well, some of us are very shy, you know? :-(
Well, some of us are very shy, you know? :-(
Crazy Pony@pamela_weaver
I am not sure if you mean this honestly or sarcastic, but pleas let me give one reply
We #ActuallyAutistic push the whole day our full brainpower to not appear creepy, and finally burn out from doing this
Please excuse our disability
It hurts us as well if we make you feel creepy
Im serios, not sarcastic
Ricki Yasha Tarr@pamela_weaver But how will they feel validated lol
Baga HensBy being of service and doing esteemable acts just like the rest of us.
@Bagahens That's crazy lol
Court Cantrell does not comply