programmaticaWhat is a mildly funny way to answer the phone?
I answered my work phone with “Morgans Morgue, you kill’em, we chill’em” once. My coworker did not expect that and cracked up.
NewEnglandRedshirtI’ve used “Joe’s roadside cafe, you kill em, we grill em” before
Also works with “crematorium”
Morts Mortuary! You stab 'em! We slab 'em!
teftJoe’s Meat Market. Nobody beats Joe’s meat.
Except for Joe. He sometimes beats his own meat.
Mortuary Grill: where yesterday’s grief is today’s beef! Who can I serve you today?
λλλ“Marty’s Morgue, you stab em’ we slab em.”
That’s how I’ve always said it. lol
anteaters"Catholic freight depot " makes callers pause for a second to think about what they just heard.
∟⊔⊤∦∣≶Oooo I love this one, the dissonance is excellent!
“Republican Bakery”
Admiral Patrick“Ahoy 'hoy” like Mr. Burns in the Simpsons?
Or even like Alexander Graham Bell?
millionTIL, thanks for sharing
The inventor of the graham cracker?
The inventor of Taco Bell
So multitalented! I can see why they called him Alexander the Great.
And Grappa Alexander
“[your city] Police, how can I help you.”
pornhubfan喂你好！（or any language the caller probably doesn’t understand!)
Den of iniquity; Snake speaking.
“I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty “
PeachManThis one’s pretty mild: I answer phones with “Yellow?”
korokMy entire family “Yello”s!
I answer my phone with it all the time and nobody’s ever commented.
I like to take it a step further and “Jello!”
I was thinking to try other fruit, like “strawberry!”, Or “banana!”… With no prompting and no explanation. If anyone asks about it, I’ll deny it and tell them I just said “hello”.
Just trying to spice things up in the most unusual and mundane ways
radixReminds me of JD from Heathers.
When my friends does this I’ll say “I didn’t know you had color ID!!!”
Is this about my cube?
Sneed’s Seed and Feed, formerly Chuck’s
Trizza Tethis“You’ve called Sevil Natas, home of mirrored text, how may I serve you today?”
HubiI sometimes answer with “Come in please” when I know who’s calling. Never stops irritating people lol.
southsamuraiCity morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
Or you slice 'em, we ice (or dice, if you want gruesome) 'em
Joe’s pool hall, 8 ball speaking
Sam’s sanitarium, what nut do you want?
Town grocery, you want the fruit or the vegetable?
Bill’s grill, where our meat fits your buns, how can we serve?
Bill’s grill, where we shove our greasy meat in your mouth, how can we serve?
I used to have a whole list of these things I picked up over the years, but being able to ignore calls without having to hear them ring has made me forget a lot more
I’ve heard the morgue one before, but I heard it as, “You stab 'em, we bag 'em!”
DeltaTangoLimaMy dad’s one was always “You kill 'em, we chill 'em”
City crematorium - you kill 'em, we grill 'em
I’m trying to figure out how to use this as an ice cream joke
Jimmy’s pizza and abortions - your loss is our sauce.
Absolutely savage. I love it
Brownian Motionor even “City morgue, you kill 'em, we grill 'em”
gravistarDickmans meat you can’t beat our meat!
“Joe’s Bait, Tackle, and Mortuary Service - You Stab ‘Em We Slab ‘Em”
“Big Paul’s Pool Hall, 8-ball speaking, shoot!”
That’s the version I’ve always used.
City crematory, we fry em you buy em!
Bob’s dildo emporium, we pluck em you fuck em.
Sharon Gibson Morgan@programmatica If it's 0 in the morning (and you know it's not the case), "Somebody better be dead."
PeteWhen my dad worked for the Electricity board he had a phone with two different ring tones, one for internal, another for external. He'd answer internal calls "Gas board!"
"Bob’s steak and video, how can I help you? "
Pizza hut!
Buddy the elf, what’s your favorite color
This is my favorite
BananaPealWelcome to the wooorld of tomorroooow!
If you have voicemail (because apparently some lucky bastards these days don’t need it) just repeat your voicemail message.
Especially funny if it’s someone you didn’t want to even talk to, and after you finish, when it would normally beep to indicate the caller should leave a message, just hang up.
I go with a mildly sharp, marginally rude…
“Whatcha want?”
Hey, might not be the funny line you’re looking for, but it seems to sort out legit calls vs. scammers pretty quick haha!
Vatican. This is the Pope.
Moshi Moshi
EldritchJapanese intensifies
PlutoniumAcidDo it in Germany! “Muschi” means “pussy”.
Pastor HaggisEvery time I call one of my higher ups at work he’ll say something dumb like “Dominos pizza how can I help you” or “This is the product owner help line, no we can’t change your due dates”.
I generally get a chuckle out of it.
Last time he called me his therapist.
Dazarter’s mule stable, which ass do you want to talk to?