Linux Salesman - Lemmy.World

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. - Lemmy.world

“What would you like?” says the bartender. The seal replies, “anything but Canadian Club”.

I'm an agnostic, dyslexic with insomnia. - Lemmy.world

I stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What do you call the man who butchers sheep at the abattoir? - Lemmy.world

The Laminator.

Why is it, when your wife gets pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say congratulations. - Lemmy.world

But none of them rub your wang and say well done.

Some people think being a hostage is hard. - Lemmy.world

I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.

I'm selling all my chiropractic magazines - Lemmy.World

I have loads of back issues.

I went to the doctor with suspected hearing issues. He said “Can you describe the symptoms?” - Lemmy.world

I said yes, “Homers fat, Marge has blue hair, Maggie is the brains and Barts a nightmare”

An executive from a paint company died of hypothermia mountain climbing yesterday. - Lemmy.world

The coroner’s report said he needed a second coat.

My friend was fired at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour. - Lemmy.world

He was a danger to himself and udders.