Derek Powazek 🐐
This says more about me than mastodon, but at this point in my life, when I'm tempted to reply to someone to disagree, I just unfollow them instead. It's better for my mental health.
Apr 14, 2023 at 8:01pmWeb
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023

Ahahahaha.

Me: Here’s a thing I do for my mental health.

Rando: Don’t do that.

Me: *block*

(I also block for my mental health.)

Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023

Note that I started the original post by saying “this says more about me” and “at this point in my life.” There was a time when being Right online meant a lot to me. That time has passed. Hell, I’m not sure I care about being right in person anymore.

It may happen to you, too. When the time comes, try to enjoy it. It’s very liberating to let online strangers exist in their wrongness.

Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
Friends and family are different. That’s how you know they’re friends and family: you’re willing to expend the time and energy to work on the shit that needs work.
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023

Today a woman came up to me in a parking lot after I parked my truck. She wanted to know if I still believed the bumper sticker on my tailgate that says "patriotic Americans get vaccinated." I warily said yes. She started on an anti-vaxxer rant.

I could have had a fight with this woman. I could have tried to change her mind. I could have done a lot of things.

I just said "oh, no thank you" and walked away.

Sometimes denying someone your attention is the only thing you need to do.

Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
I'm feeling old and particularly beaten down by life at the moment. Maybe I'll get my fighting spirit back someday. But for now I need to reserve my energy for the people and places where I can do some good for the people who matter to me. And a rando in a parking lot, or on mastodon, is just not it.
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
You can get one of those stickers, btw, if you also want to have fun conversations with strangers.
https://milkbarn.farm/collections/stickers/products/get-vaccinated
(Yes, it uses a sexist trope. I'm sorry. Don't fight with me about it. I'm too tired.)
Patriotic Americans Get Vaccinated Sticker

Show threadSteph (Paddock || Shaver)Apr 14, 2023

@fraying Honestly, same.

Though I might have wished her the day she deserved before I walked off.

I am far more interested in finding moments to be kind to strangers in the wild than wasting energy on bullies and ignoramuses who will never learn anyway, and just want to suck away my sweet, sweet mental juices.

Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@onalark Amen! In a world where they’re “flooding the zone with shit,” we have to get better about not spending our energies on the shit so we have it for the real fight.
Show threadJApr 15, 2023
@fraying I got a few of these when you first announced them. I asked a former manager if he’d be willing to slap it on the lid of his work laptop to piss off a fellow (anti vax) manager. His words: “Hell yeah, gimme that shit”
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 15, 2023
@J 🙌
Show threadscribandotcomApr 14, 2023

@fraying Depriving randos of your time and attention (their oxygen) is very effective self-defense. Sometimes it's even satisfying.

Here's to better days ahead.

Show threadtopsApr 14, 2023

@fraying I think that is a good use of your time and energy.

I, for one, find what your words here useful and inspiring so it's not like you're doing nothing.

¡FUERZA! !
.

Show threadonlydaveApr 14, 2023
@fraying new bumper sticker idea. oh wait. bumper stickers are dumb.
Show threadonlydaveApr 14, 2023
@fraying religious quotes posted to a sign on your front yard are dumb as well.
Show threadonlydaveApr 14, 2023
@fraying also billboards are ugly and cause many traffic accidents.
Show threadVincent Wanders AimlesslyApr 14, 2023
@sammydog77 @fraying have a nice day.
Show threadAndré NantelApr 14, 2023
@fraying Smart man! They are not worth the oxygen and extra cortisol levels.
Show threadChristopher GriffithsApr 15, 2023
@fraying A solid choice, and likely left her more flat-footed than anything else you could have said.
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 15, 2023
@cjgyt yeah she was definitely ready for a fight
Show threadKim ScheinbergApr 15, 2023

@fraying
When I was 25, a friend wrote to me:

"The best defense is usually to lose. It takes years for people like me and you who were trained to win to learn this."

I was in my 40s before I could understand and internalize that lesson. It remains one of the most valuable things anyone's ever said to me.

Show threadZiaApr 14, 2023
@fraying I just block for the sheer arbitrariness of doing it
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@ZiaMacPine I’m also a fan of a good old fashioned block.
Show threadZiaApr 14, 2023
@fraying yeah, why not just clear your social space. It is YOUR space and you are the best judge on how you want to handle it.
Show threadDan ShickApr 14, 2023
@fraying oh yesssss, BAMO (block and move on) has been a real solace for years.
Show threadMafeesh Apr 14, 2023
@fraying
Did the same myself today
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@mafeesh 🙌
Show threadSLCW💥Apr 14, 2023
@fraying If you unfollow everyone who expresses an opinion you disagree with, you will end up in an uncritical echo-chamber. That's basically how we ended up with MAGA. I don't see how that's beneficial to your mental health.
Show threadJason BrownApr 14, 2023
@slcw kinda proving the point by example here, bub
Show threadSLCW💥Apr 14, 2023
@zota What do you mean?
Show threadJason BrownApr 14, 2023

@slcw someone said that for their own personal mental health at this stage of their life, they find it better to disengage than have a public argument with someone.

You responded to that they should not do this for their own well-being, because it will essentially turn them MAGA.

I actually do feel this kind of reply is part of mastodon's culture. I'm not really a fan.

Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@slcw oh don’t worry, for people like you, I just block.
Show threadRunamuck/Grotusque/DefensorApr 14, 2023
@fraying I actually think that's a great thing. In real life you wouldn't force yourself to engage-why should social media be all that different?
Show threadjwzApr 14, 2023

@fraying My approach is both less and more hair-trigger than that. If I'm replying to disagree, that's fine. If I'm rolling my eyes while hitting reply and thinking "*this* fuckin' idiot" then instead I block rather than unfollow.

Perfect example, that person who replied "but but echo chamber"? *Bllllllllllock.*

Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@jwz oh yeah. Actively blocking shitty posters is a given.
Show threadAnnalee Newitz 🍜Apr 14, 2023
@fraying just Same. Constructive engagement and disagreement are fine, but scolding, I'm-rightism, hot takes...no thanks
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@annaleen Yeah. I wasn't even talking about replies to me - I was talking about my own desire to disagree with someone publicly. It's like I've lost the taste for it. It just feels like too much work.
Show threadPatienceltdApr 15, 2023

@fraying

Once upon a time, when the Internet was only an egg, I took debating seriously and enjoyed it. I had collected extensive reference files and bookmarks for specific topics, and could also argue from authority and experience in most of them.

This enjoyment mostly persisted through the BBS, Usenet, IRC, G+, and Reddit eras. However, the bigger the potential audience, the more obvious it became that the discussions were becoming pig-wrestling exercises at best. Too much polarization, too many trolls and shit-posters.

COVID-19 finally killed the last traces of any desire to be publicly correct. After a public health post with lots of credible references (in a small, tightly policed and curated Reddit-clone forum) got brigaded by loud deniers, I was done.

/1

@annaleen

Show threadPatienceltdApr 15, 2023

@fraying

Allowing bad faith discourse to dominate is terrible for everyone. There's plenty of evidence of deliberate efforts to exhaust and demoralize the reality-based community... And in my case, they've won. But the Internet isn't the world, and there are other, arguably more effective means of carrying on the fight.

/2

@annaleen

Show threadStefanApr 14, 2023
@fraying started doing the same both here and on Twitter.
Show threadAmy HoyApr 14, 2023
@fraying this seems very wise and i wish i did it more
Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@amyhoy Never too late to give it a try.
Show threadAmy HoyApr 14, 2023

@fraying i know but i get SO MAD

i know that’s not a good reason

Show threadDerek Powazek 🐐Apr 14, 2023
@amyhoy It turns out it's possible to run out of that anger fuel. (I know, I'm surprised, too.) So use it wisely.
Show threadJeri DanskyApr 15, 2023

@fraying Most of my Mastodon feed and replies are lovely. Of course, there will be exceptions. Any time I'm tempted to argue with someone, I just unfollow and/or block them instead.

Friendly disagreements about silly stuff (pineapple pizza, for example) are diversions; someone thinking social media doesn't need moderation is something else entirely.