srboisvert
Garibaldi’s Homeopathic BikeI'm worried about crime, so I asked a friend from Texas what I needed to defend my home. He said a 9mm, a couple of clips, and a box of shells. I put it together pretty quickly. Still not sure how it's supposed to work, though...
KontributeGaming
Cegorach@peemee
Way safer than what your friend intended! :-)
Way safer than what your friend intended! :-)
SirDiesALotThat's far more effective than any firearm.
Elon Musk stick@peemee I call bullshit.
There is no way someone from Texas is recommending such a small calibre weapon!
@peemee and we all know the metric system is for socialists!
Graham Lester@peemee You just need to put all those things in a safe and then leave the safe visible and unlocked. When the burglars see what piddling items you have in your safe, they will flee.
ouinne@peemee you make a nunchuck from the wrench and clips, then strew the walkways with shells for handy environment friendly caltrops. 🧐
Les Orchard@peemee this sounds like an advanced application of the three seashells
duncan@peemee your friend must be one of those MacGuyver types!
Ellen Bakker@peemee My spirit animal. 🤩
Matt@peemee <sad trombone>
Doug 🌈🇨🇦 
@peemee since having guns increases the likelihood you will be shot, these are effective defenses to reduce the danger.
demofox@peemee ask the demolition man about the shells
Sue B.
Guy Holmes
The Real Falsehooder@McGyver We need you.
llewelly@peemee
ok, you're off to a good start, next step is to combine these things into a large craft project, preferably one that's highly visible, and brightly colored. Put it outside, at eye level, where people will see it.
Any potential criminals will see it, and spend the rest of their lives terrified they might accidentally steal such a horrid craft project, and be forever unable to sell it, and thus they will avoid your home out of sheer terror.
El Jefe "
" 
@peemee makes sense, if you can't dodge a ball, you can't dodge a wrench.
John Caveney woke is me🛠️
Bornach@peemee
You cover yourself with the shells especially in sunlight and if there are lots of predators about
The 9mm will help weigh you down in strong waves
The clips are great for carrying your food with you wherever you go
https://youtu.be/TYFod7EeV7Q
Are Sea Urchins USING TOOLS?!
Vayl Larkin (they/them)@peemee Just so you know, a double barrel with a box of shells will do you better. Get bird shells, and they won't risk penetrating walls and hitting random family members.
Am I taking the joke farther? Have I just missed the point entirely? Who can say?! ... But I really, really want to see the bird shells. It's Easter! They could be purple!
Cadbury MooseWhen they kick your front door open, just give them both barrels, and watch them stagger away in confusion. (Probably to see an osteopath.)
April M
Shailesh Kumar 🇫🇯🇺🇸
CNV703@peemee He was mistaken about the clips. He meant a couple of mags. I’d suggest The Atlantic and Mother Jones.
Coles Street Pothole@peemee 
This is the future progressives want.
This is the future progressives want.
Scott Knowles@peemee He didn't say, "A few high capacity magazines."?
@batyalee 🌿@peemee 😆 That reminds me of Sylvester Stallone's character (Sergeant John Spartan) in "Demolition Man," in which he never did figure out how to use those 3 shells in the bathroom.
io@peemee Dude, those are the wrong clips. I think you're meant to be using hair clips!
Big Jesus Trashcan☑️🏴@peemee As a Texan I can tell you that ritual voodoo is what you're working with. Don't mess up the incantation.
Chusi
PhoenixSerenity@peemee Brilliant!!
Kelly Wheaton 
🦫💧🐸 🌻🌹
Agora@peemee there won’t be accidental shootings by kids and no homicides of passion.
Christine Malec@peemee Oh so he didn't mean a pasta dish?
Alex Fitzpatrick
Matt Willemsen@peemee He's assuming the attacker is barefoot, of course.
Drew Crecente (they)I know better. I should always provide supporting evidence.
An article in Time:
🌐 https://time.com/6183881/gun-ownership-risks-at-home/
The referenced study from June 2022:
🌐 https://www.acpjournals.org/doi/full/10.7326/M21-3762
And the succinct conclusion:
"Living with a handgun owner is associated with substantially elevated risk for dying by homicide. Women are disproportionately affected."
Dancingwiththebeloved@peemee it will be hard for a six year old to threaten a teacher with that. Well done!
Jorge StolfiAsk MacGyver for instructions.