@taedryn

Kindergarten was when I was banned from having playdates with girls. Everyone knew I was different and was trying to control me.

@mellifera

@taedryn hm, I used to wish I was a girl for a really long time, although not as intensely as some of the other people who replied to you did? The first occurrence of it I remember was at like, idk, 6-7-8 years old? And then just kinda occasionally thinking about it throughout adolescence?

But even after I learned about trans people existing I didn't figure it out until I was 18 lol, despite literally occasionally being like "huh that's interesting, I kinda wish I was like that too but maybe it's disrespectful and weird to wish for something like that so I won't think about it any further" as a teenager 💀

The fact that my only interactions with trans people were through anti-SJW subreddits I used to frequent as a shitheaded teenager definitely didn't help 😬

@taedryn what constitutes "knowing"?

"desperately want to be socially recognized as a girl, want HRT, want surgery, consistently going by she/her in anonymized online spaces" -> literally from like age 8 or so

"...but i can't have those things because im not Legitimately Transgender" -> until like age 29 to realize what a stupid mental blockade that was

i worry that many people never get to break that second barrier. it wasn't a linear process, it was a lightning flash caused by some trivial thing that could easily have never happened and id still have not connected the dots

@taedryn It helps a lot to see it actually laid out in a poll like this.

Sometime it feels like the "I always knew" narrative gets pushed as if it it's universal, which feels alienating, but it looks like that's actually the *least* common way for it to be.

@taedryn

Following out of curiosity! 👀

@taedryn I've known since I was 5. I was acknowledged by my Grandmother, her partner, and my Great Grandmother. My Grandmother and Gramma Millie were together through the Lavender Scare Era.

My Great Grandmother acknowledged my Grandmother as well, which is why she is my namesake! 💕💕🏳️‍🌈

Jayne is just my nickname...

@taedryn I really, truly had no idea I was trans until I was 47. There was a lot of macho stuff that didn't make any damn sense to me, but I just figured I was a nerd. (Which, to be fair, I still am a nerd. 😉 )

But it took me only about a month of questioning to realize that, oh, hey, I'm actually a woman. (Being home during the pandemic definitely sped up the process.)

@taedryn For me it was a matter of coming to realizations, placing them on the back burner for one reason or another, and circling back later with new language.

I liken it to a comet completing its orbit several times, starting at least as young as 17, but finally landing in my late 20s.

@taedryn

I voted "Over 30" but really I was in a state of ever-more-desperate denial through most of my late twenties, I think.

@taedryn

Well gang, this thread left me with tears in my eyes.

The accumulated agony inflicted by an unsupportive society is mind-boggling... Seems high school sex-ed needs some updating.

Humbled to take part of your stories, most educational, and thank you all.

@taedryn This is difficult to answer. One of my earliest memories is of how incredibly important it was for me to remember what my name would have been if I'd been born a cis girl. I was worried at that young age, 3 or 4yo, I'd lose myself if I forgot. I needed to hold onto it for the day I finally got to be a girl. A lifetime filled to the brim with extremely telling and obvious memories and experiences.

But I also didn't understand I was trans until my 30s.

@taedryn this is difficult for me to answer because I grew up under section 28 in the UK and so beyond the fact that some people had sex changes as told in my parents and media's jokes (solely mtf - trans men and NB people didn't exist) I knew nothing.

Until the age of 10 I just thought something would happen when I grew up where people would stop thinking I was a boy as I become a woman because that was just what I was. Without any knowledge or guidance from 10 on wards was just learning to supress and feel shame at what I felt so that until I was in my late 20's if anyone had said I might be trans I would have laughed.

That it was was even possible never crossed my mind until my early 30's - despite by this point thinking of my child hood as 'when I was a little girl', 'I would be happier as a woman - I should have been a woman' etc. It was only seeing trans people like myself - not conventional pretty or thin - transitioning and being happy that I realised I was the same