Ken White

I am tolerant of many things -- some things -- okay at least two things.

But people who don't Google things that obviously can be Googled and instead come to me like the Oracle of fuckin Delphi or something, without even the common goddamned courtesy to bring be a donut or something, are not one of them.

Jan 19, 2023 at 2:48amWeb
Show threadThis is HellJan 19, 2023
@Popehat 💯💯💯
Show threadAri CohnJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Please let me know how to substitute butter for heavy cream please and thank you
Show threadSgtMoredread🇨🇦Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat yes a big jam donut with cream on top 😊
Show threadSing Me Your BluesJan 19, 2023

@Popehat

🥯

Show threadMatþew BowlesJan 19, 2023

@Popehat Last time I had an office job there were multiple people in the next office who'd just walk into my office and ask really dumbfuck questions all day

Then wonder why I was delayed in my work

I'd email them answers using that old justfuckinggoogleit redirect, even drew them a map showing all the EU states so they'd stop asking (international sales, kinda important)

So frustrating, my sympathies

Show threadMadopalJan 19, 2023
@Popehat A favorite response
https://letmegooglethat.com/
Let Me Google That

For all those people that find it more convenient to bother you with their question than to google it for themselves.

LetMeGoogleThat.com
Show threadRob BosJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Do you know how to make donuts? I need a recipe.
Show threadSing Me Your BluesJan 19, 2023

@Popehat

☕

Show threadEl Jefe "" Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat mental note to bring a donut should we ever meet.
Show threadElias FoxJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Are you saying the subscription cost for Serious Trouble is entirely to cover the donut overhead?
Show threadauthor_is_ShrikeTron🔠💉x5Jan 19, 2023

@Popehat The best parts of this is people asking what the oracle is, OMG, lol.

User error; read OP. 🍩

Show threadDavid FriedmanJan 19, 2023
@Popehat After a dozen donuts, my loyalty program allows students to have an extra bonus transgression
Show threadNathan TobiasJan 19, 2023
@Popehat I googled ‘donut’ and it seems that they are hemorrhoid treatment cushions. Do you need one? This may explain your state of mind…
Show threadCat WestJan 19, 2023
@Popehat I bring donuts. Homemade Cookies (not the web kind), & Biscotti. *sits at your table* tell me everything you know.
Show threadAdam SteinbaughJan 19, 2023
@Popehat what is the Oracle of Delphi
Show threadLizardJan 19, 2023
@adamsteinbaugh @Popehat An expert in using Object Pascal to connect to SQL databases, of course!
Show threadHoward ShermanJan 19, 2023
@Popehat https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=popehat
Let Me Google That

For all those people that find it more convenient to bother you with their question than to google it for themselves.

LetMeGoogleThat.com
Show threadsegv11Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat Are you sure you don't do tech support? You're clearly getting pestered by the same people. There's never a donut.
Show threadRyan EvansJan 19, 2023
@Popehat sending links back using https://letmegooglethat.com/ is always a not-so-subtle reminder
Let Me Google That

For all those people that find it more convenient to bother you with their question than to google it for themselves.

LetMeGoogleThat.com
Show threadACJan 19, 2023
@Popehat putting Barro on blast.
Show threadThe Great Llama Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat
Back when Google used to provide search results instead of sponsored content, I had a few friends who would occasionally text me to ask how to phrase their search to actually get useful results. Apparently I had abilities beyond the average person in that regard. On one hand, it's nice to feel be respected, on the other hand, there was no magic involved.
Show threadlagayaJan 19, 2023
@TheGreatLlama Is that you, George Santos?
Show threadThe Great Llama Jan 19, 2023
@carfreesince93
Yes, clearly I'm George Santos and I've gotten bored with posing as a politician so now I'm posing as an anarchist for the next phase of my baffling life story. Of course, if I'm George Santos then it's safe to assume this is a lie, but my previous post wasn't.
Show threadMcDyerJan 19, 2023
@Popehat
Yeah, but 90% of my job security is tied up in being the only person in my office who knows that Google exists or the super-complicated method of accessing it. (The other 10% is how to activate fonts.)
Show threadDemocracyMatters Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat Preach!
Show threadPatty Bluebird 🦩Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat Drives me mad!
Show threadTony PenninoJan 19, 2023
@Popehat You work for Oracle?
Show threadBenbladesJan 19, 2023
@Popehat how far is the distance between the state of New York and a Brazilian prison?
Show threadGladys CanbeJan 19, 2023

@Popehat
When I ask my ex-husband a question about home repairs his response is, "Just because I have a penis doesn't mean that I know everything."

I use YouTube now. Feel free to borrow his line. Someone might smile or laugh.

Show threadSir Ramble LotJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Wait, you're not actually the Oracle at Delph— errr, hang on, lemme Google something real quick...
Show threadRev RobinJan 19, 2023

@Popehat is the old website LMGTFY still functional?

(I googled it for myself, and it seems that the original is gone, but there are successors that purport to do the same thing)

Show threadjordanJan 19, 2023
@Popehat counterpoint: anything you can google now has an unimaginable amount of bullshit misinformation and bad takes in the results that can't always be easily digested and filtered by laymen.
Show threadPaul HubbardJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Send them to lmgtfy.com. It’s pretty entertaining
Show threadcrAshBanzaiJan 19, 2023
@Popehat
I keep this handy little piece around to share when called for.
Show threadAshtonJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Ah, but Ken, you’re missing out on the true joy of being an oracle; the ability to give out meaningful sounding but cryptic replies that drive people insane, or that they only finally understand in a final moment of tragic irony.
Show threadAaron TurnerJan 19, 2023
@Popehat preach brother!
Show threadLawLibberJan 19, 2023
@Popehat #librarianlife bring your @lawlibrarians a cookie
Show threadVHaschJan 19, 2023

@Popehat

But you have laurel leaves burning. Right? Google can't burn no stinkin' laurel leaves.

Show threadDebora Weber-WulffJan 19, 2023
@Popehat I say 'Let me google that for you'
Show threadPeejmaybeJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Every. Single. Day in my job
Show threadyum_BenichonJan 19, 2023
@Popehat
Delphic Oracles should always insist on sweets worthy of the office, e.g. one chocolate Baklava for each firing up of the Google machine.
Show threadBjørnar (he/him)Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat "So I asked ChatGPT if the first amendment applies to dogs and it said yes. That can't be right, can it, Ken? No, both these donuts are for me, why do you ask?"
Show threadGeorge KeithJan 19, 2023

@Popehat Reminds me of the time some Google employees were biking to work, wearing Google-branded shirts.

A car pulled up next to them at a light, window rolls down and the driver asks "What do you call those inflatable boats used by scuba divers?"

The cyclists looked at each other, puzzled, and said "you mean 'Zodiacs'?"

"Yes. That's it. Thanks."... Window rolls-up, car drives off...

Show threadSusan JohnsonJan 19, 2023
@Popehat I'm just here wondering about the 2 things. 
Show threadKing BeauregardJan 19, 2023

@Popehat

I remember libraries, card catalogs, microfiche. I delight in a world where, if I want to research a topic, I just type a thing in a thing and I am hit with more information about it than I could ever want. Just now I found, in seconds, a judicial ruling on a given matter that's in the news these days.

So yeah, I'm with you that there is no excuse for being too lazy to Google. It's something people wouldn't have even had a concept of 50 years ago: besides wondering why we call this magical information library "Google" of all things, they'd be astonished that people considered it too much work. They simply wouldn't have a word for it; so they'd probably consult Google to find one, only to discover that there simply isn't one.

Show threadLevi BjorkJan 19, 2023
Hey @Popehat, could you explain to me what the Oracle of Delphi is?
Show threadDanM22Jan 19, 2023
@Popehat become a college professor.
Show threadFunk_FunkyJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Should people google about their crimes though?
Show threadSeth GalitzerJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Are you an IT admin too?
Show threadGwladys PendleburyJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Lack of entitlement is overrated.
Show threadJenXJan 19, 2023
@Popehat
What's your preferred donut? Asking for a friend.
Show threadTom von ClefJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Ask Jeeves? No, Ask Ken
Show threadrobeagleJan 19, 2023
@Popehat 🍩
Show threadOldAndCrankyJan 19, 2023
@Popehat but now I want to know what are the two things you tolerate- and I can’t google that.
Show threadArgent StonecutterJan 19, 2023
@Popehat Instructions unclear, providing goddamned donuts instead.
Show threadMike HammerJan 19, 2023
@Popehat isn’t “googling things” what leads to all those overconfident engineers you’re always complaining about?
Show threadBernie Luckily Does ItJan 19, 2023
@Popehat But googling law questions always gives you the wrong answer and Mastodon still doesn't let you send good donuts.
Show threadStarry DynamoJan 19, 2023
@Popehat You should show them an ad before you help them.