Pxrpleberry 🧸🔮

I’m 23, almost 24 in a month, and I haven’t had a friend IRL in like… I literally just counted. 6 years!? 🥲

I have recently decided that finding fellow autistic girlfriends - or at least ADHD - to unmask with IRL would be the best decision for me. But unfortunately, I have no idea how to find those friends. I never go outside. And even if I do, I don’t seem to connect with anyone. While everyone connects with everyone.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Autistic #neurodivergent

Dec 18, 2022 at 12:09pmWeb
Show threadRiDec 18, 2022
@Pxrpleberry in my area (Netherlands) there are some organisations that organise meet-ups for autistic people. Maybe something like that exists in your area too?
Show threadPxrpleberry 🧸🔮Dec 18, 2022
@skippingmoonrocks I have thought of that, but I’m currently trying to pursue an official diagnosis, so I think they wouldn’t want someone self diagnosed. :(
Show threadRiDec 18, 2022
@Pxrpleberry I think self-diagnose is valid, and most organisations run by autistic people agree with that. If you might want to join a meet up, it's worth finding out if they accept people without diagnose i guess.
Show threadPxrpleberry 🧸🔮Dec 18, 2022
@skippingmoonrocks It’s worth doing some research, thank you!
Show threadJamesDec 18, 2022

@Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic

My close friends are neurodivergent people too so definitely recommend that as a route

Have you looked into groups (IRL or online) for neurodivergent or autistic or ADHD adults/young adults in your area? Failing this finding online or IRL groups for your special interests in your area can be a good place to start too

Show threadEd RossDec 18, 2022

@JamesWafer228

Or at least groups that might contain more fellow Neurodivergent people like Dungeons and Dragons, Computing or Sci Fi appreciation groups? (Sorry for the terrible stereotyping but only going from my own experience of my own life - you might think of other types of groups from your own interests)

@Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic

Show threadManonDec 18, 2022

You might try to find an online community for autistic people. In Germany we have aspies.de with >9000 member and a chat forum. Or a self-help group in your area. (Although the latter might require an official diagnosis.)

Social networks are great. I found two ND friends online. We rarely meet n person, but we text every day.

Show threadOsakaDec 18, 2022
@Pxrpleberry
@actuallyautistic
This is really relatable tbh. I did have some school friends stick around that had only ADHD but i dont really click with them and i dont really know why. But i do know that i like hanging around fellow netizen that share my (possible) AuDHD. Though the people i like hanging around the most all live inside my computer.
Show threadKajDec 18, 2022
@Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic
I’ve had good luck with engaging in group activities where there’s a task we’re doing together. It might be volunteering, or a game night, or a birdwatching group, but everyone having one shared interest makes it easier for me & also increases the chance there’s a more obvious social script I can follow.
Show threadF00FC7C8 likes to infodumpDec 18, 2022
@Pxrpleberry That sounds really hard, I'm sorry. I'm also currently dealing with a shortage - though not a total lack - of IRL friends.

You could meet people who live within driving distance online, and once you trust them enough, privately ask to meet IRL. Or start going to a local support group, or a meetup related to a special interest of yours.
Show threadChaingelingDec 18, 2022

@Pxrpleberry I strongly suggest taking a class in a subject you're interested in - could be painting, dance, nail art, idk? Then you can be sure you have at least one interest in common with everyone there.

Even if you don't reach out and connect with those in your class, after attending a few classes you become a familiar face, and they may approach you. But try to make a plan during the class, eg for a coffee or a drink (don't get a phone number if you know you won't call!).

Show threadHRH ginsterbuschDec 18, 2022

@Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic well, same. ie. with not having (much) friends.

the "get a neurodivergent gf" route is deffo a good idea. in theory, that should work out without having to think much (or specifically ASK) about it.

when thinking back, next to ALL of my former significant others are neurodiverse, to say the least.
None of them were sought out because of that criteria, but: being friends, good to talk to, sharing interests, and: are intelligent (whatever that means).

Show threadNickDec 18, 2022

@ginsterbusch @Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic

I think, as ND people, we need both ND and NT people in our lives.

My wife of 26 years (and partner of 28) is NT. It has been a long, and at times arduous, journey for us both, particularly as we only realised I was autistic a few years ago. But now we both understand autism and know ourselves and each other so well, it's a great partnership.

#ActuallyAutistic

Show threadNickDec 18, 2022

@ginsterbusch @Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic

And she can do the PR stuff for us as a couple :-)

#ActuallyAutistc

Show threadHRH ginsterbuschDec 18, 2022

@ratcatcher @Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic

Thats kinda supporting what I'm trying to express: Good idea, but use different criteria.

My criteriae always have been: Has to listen to at least one of the same music genres as we do, we can talk for hours without getting tired, and endure my infodumping (or know how to stop it without being offensive or whatever).

Seems not much, but its actually quite a lot.

Show threadmeshe the neurotypical catDec 19, 2022

@ratcatcher @ginsterbusch @Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic 20 years into our relationship my wife and I both realized we’re autistic and ADHD.

It explains a lot about our relationship and challenges we’ve faced, though I’m now starting to think we need a NT personal assistant to actually get certain things done 🤣

As we’ve been figuring out our combined weak areas we’ve been sharing that with my mom whom we share a house with and she’s offered to help in those areas.

Show threadAutistic Book ClubDec 18, 2022
@Pxrpleberry @actuallyautistic Hey 👋 I want to create a list of groups ppl can join for the #AutisticCommunity to help us find a sense of belonging 💗
I run an international Zoom #BookClub which you would be welcome to join; we use the ‘Book Club’ part as the social scaffolding and it gives us a point of connection but we spend 90% of the time talking about Autism ao it doesn’t matter if you’ve read the book or not!
It’s free and everyone is #ActuallyAutistic incl. me!