pocketsIf you're thinking about deliberately wearing blue on 2 April, don't.
levampyre"[Examples are amongst others] avoiding deep focus or rest, because interruption is inevitable. [But] we can't really help our nervous systems to recover, if it nerver gets the signal to be 'off dury'. [We've developed this survival state, b/c we were] treated as being difficult, unless we are useful. [...] This is not generosity, it's hyper vigilance shaped like kindness. [To overcome, we need to learn] how to be valued for [our] presence rather than [our] output." #ActuallyAutistc
"Service mode is a learned survival state where an autistic person stays oriented towards being useful, helpful, emotionally available or non-disruptive in order to remain safe & accepted. That often includes constant low level vigilance even in your own home, b/c you're always anticipating interruption, needing to respond or being called on. Instead of fully resting, your nervous system stays on, scanning for demands, needs or cues that someone might need something from you." #ActuallyAutistc
RE: https://chaos.social/@levampyre/116263478747997742
So I recently became aware that as a monotropistic person I am traumatized out of flow states and feeling the heaviness of that loss was already painful.
But look there's another, very related reason why I avoid deep focus and have difficulty to relax and taking care of my own needs in general. It is because my autistic brain is always in "service mode" whenever another person is around. Mother on the Spectrum talks about it in this YT video: https://youtu.be/yZ2_S_5xRAc #ActuallyAutistc
SiaronJ@JeremyMallin I'm not so good with numbers but my extra giggle comes from when I'm told at a till what my shopping amounts to and it sounds like a year, and an even bigger thrill if I know of something that happened in that year. (admittedly it only happens when I spend under £20.26 at the moment)
@Ferrous The pain and regret I feel is, because I remember how wonderful it was to walk those inner mindfields. How much value and energy it gave me. I miss it so much. But I don't dare to go back, because I have kids and I am a responsible adult and they do depend on me "functioning". I don't want to function anymore. I just want to be a brain in a jar, just for a while, so that I can truely relax again. I'm so exhausted. 😭
Anyways, thanks for naming the trauma! 3/3 #ActuallyAutistc
@Ferrous I feared it would interfere too much with my responsibilities. I cannot allow me to loose myself in my inner mindfields, b/c I will either miss appointments and my kids will starve to death or become so frustrated from interruption that it would drain all my energy that my kids would suffer differently. So I have stopped to engage in it entirely. I didn't notice until I burned out and tried again as part of my recovery. I was interrupted and suffered a meltdown. 2/ #ActuallyAutistc
@Ferrous I watched your lecture on "Monotropism & Wellbeing" on YT today and you said something that resonated with me intensely: "We've been traumatized out of trust in the flow state." (As monotropistic adults who have experienced and frustrated over constant interruptions.) I feel that with so much pain and regret.
Ever since I became a responsible adult with dependencies I have not really allowed myself to enter a deep flow state over passionate intellectual topics. 1/ #actuallyAutistc
BamboyCan we all take a moment to recognize how sick of a society we are if we have people spending most of their productive "working time" looking for income rather than actually doing something intrinsically productive that gives back?
I *still* can't find a job to the point it feels like my #programming skills are degrading.
Gal (they/them)@rpbook That means that nobody uploaded location yet in your region.
We currently only have 48 locations worldwide. That's not a lot, and we need folks like you and any #ActuallyAutistc folks seeing this to add new locations, so that people can actually see locations relevant to them.
If everyone uploaded a couple of locations we are familiar with, soon enough there will be a bunch of unfamiliar locations on the website for all to prep with.
We currently only have 48 locations worldwide. That's not a lot, and we need folks like you and any #ActuallyAutistc folks seeing this to add new locations, so that people can actually see locations relevant to them.
If everyone uploaded a couple of locations we are familiar with, soon enough there will be a bunch of unfamiliar locations on the website for all to prep with.