schmanielNov 13, 2022
Mekka  💉💉💉🎉

1. Most Black folk in the US experience frequent racism, and have to navigate racist systems daily. It's an important part of our lives.

2. Many white folk are very uncomfortable even hearing about racism.

3. People often talk about the most important things in their lives, with their friends.

4. Most white folk in the US (~75%), have no Black friends. Zero. None.

https://www.prri.org/research/poll-race-religion-politics-americans-social-networks/

Race, Religion, and Political Affiliation of Americans' Core Social Networks - PRRI

Ninety-one percent of white Americans' core social networks are also white, while five percent are identified as some other race, finds a PRRI poll.

PRRI
Nov 13, 2022 at 9:12pmWeb
Show threadMekka  💉💉💉🎉Nov 13, 2022

I don't know if having Black friends makes a person more comfortable with hearing about racism, or if being comfortable hearing about racism lets Black people feel comfortable enough around them to form a friendship.

But I do know that one of those two things is something that you can work on and improve by yourself, without any Black folk around! 👍🏿

Show threadShrig 🐌Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke It's an interesting question because, and I can only speak from experience in the UK, a lot of racists will describe "my Black friend" as the reason they can't be racist when they're getting defensive about something they've said. It's normally some co-worker or vague acquaintance that exists around them by happenstance. It's got me thinking about how a lot of white people would answer a question like that and how it could even sadly be more than 75% perhaps (sorry to be so bleak)
Show threadShrig 🐌Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke I read a bit more from the link, seems like "respondents were asked to name people with whom they “discussed important matters” in the previous six months regardless of the nature of the relationship or the frequency of interaction." which wouldn't exclude a Black co-worker they're sharing a workspace with not by their own choice but still might discuss things they've seen on the news etc while working. This is going to really bug me now
Show threadMekka  💉💉💉🎉Nov 13, 2022

@Shrigglepuss Yeah, it's a running joke we have: Somewhere someone is saying some racist stuff, and when called on it, they'll say, "But I have Black friends!" And if forced to produce a name of a Black friend, they'll confidently say "Mekka!"🤦🏿‍♂️

So for many Black folk, somewhere there's a person that you barely know, spreading nonsense, and using your name to co-sign it!

But I've also accidentally radicalized people that were in the car with me when I was pulled over.

Show threadLizzie Speaks Too SoonNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke I learned about institutional, environmental, interpersonal, and other kinds of racism in college. Especially in the required domestic diversity course. Every high school should have a required course like that. It's nobody's job to teach their would-be friend about racism. I also read books about it. It made it so much easier to start and maintain friendships with people who had experienced racism.
Show threadMeow Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Having black friends helped me to learn about my own implicit racism and overcome it.
Show threadAm I?Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke
I sincerely hope I never get comfortable hearing about racism.
Show threadSheeri CabralNov 13, 2022

@ami @mekkaokereke I hear that point. To me, "comfortable" doesn't mean "enjoy hearing about it," it means "able to have a discussion without taking things personally."

For example - As a white woman I can agree that most white women voted for Trump, and more in 2020 than in 2016. I worked to get to the point where I don't feel I have to qualify in a "not all white women" kind of way. I don't take it personally when someone looks at me and notes that fact.

Show threadVance RicksNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke https://www.yourblackfriendpodcast.com/episodes :-)
Episodes — Your Black Friend

Your Black Friend
Show threadRev SnappyTwig Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke agreed. What do you think of this test? I took it not long ago. http://www.racismtest.com/
Racism Quotient Test

For 30+ years The Institute For "Interracial" Harmony, Incorporated (“IIH”) has been in existence as an organization educating the public as to the myriad of ways we all have been conditioned by society’s racism/colorism. Our role has been, and continues to be, spearheading our attempts to promote consciousness-raising about the need for prevention of color discrimination and the promotion of healing pathological responses to color and cultural differences.

Show threadJim Zakany 🛠️Nov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke
Growing up in a white neighborhood, I could only grow so much on my own wgt racism. Having discussions with black people about their life experiences is what really opened my eyes. Interactions matter.
It's funny. What was idle chatter to them was life changing for me.
Show threadRickNov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke racism makes me uncomfortable because I can't wrap my mind around why someone would say or do that stuff. At the same time it's never stopped me for standing up for a Black person whether I knew them or not.
Show threadMeryl O'Rourke Hi!Nov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke in my experience you also have to ask or be open to hearing about it. Most of my black friends haven't discussed it with me until Ive shown I'm open to it. Been told it's because they've been shrugged at too often. 😔
Show threadWhosyNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Well that all sucks. And in no way to dismiss racism at all - it is very real and a big problem in much of the world, I also wonder if there's cultural boundaries that need to be overcome in some cases to help bring people together.
I wonder if there's any good research on this..
Show threadBullwongNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Have you seen issues on Mastodon around racism discussions? Like having to put mentions of racism behind a CW? Some folks on the bird site mentioned that.
Show threadMekka  💉💉💉🎉Nov 13, 2022

@bullwong Yeah, but it's worse on some instances than others. This instance is super cool! I've had no issues.♥️👍🏿

Good discussions, people genuinely wanting to learn, and speaking honestly about the tradeoffs between a social network that feels better, vs not silencing or dismissing the experiences of Black folk or other communities.

Show threadBullwongNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Glad to hear! If I couldn't learn more about systemic/hidden/historical racism & sexism here, that would be a major gap from what I found so valuable on the bird site. To that end, I'm glad you're here & posting as well.
Show threadTheLadyVetNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke @bullwong I have intentionally cultivated relationships with Black women and yet still feel weird talking with them about race. I worry that no matter how much I try to understand, I will sound like a condescending idiot. I do try to use my experiences with misogyny in hopes that gives me a little insight.
Show threadBullwongNov 13, 2022
@jenmathewsdvm @mekkaokereke If y'all are close, hopefully they'll give you some leeway. I've found having good intentions goes a LONG way towards that. I also try to keep a "learning" mindset; even if I think I understand why something is problematic, for example, I'll ask it to confirm instead of stating it like fact. (This obviously is highly discouraged amongst my gender. ♂️🙃)
Show threadMekka  💉💉💉🎉Nov 13, 2022

@jenmathewsdvm @bullwong It's OK to just listen about race! 👍🏿

Take the pressure off of yourself to say something profound, or solution-y, or to add your opinion, especially if you're unsure of what to say. Just listening is way more than most people do.

Show threadTheLadyVetNov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke @bullwong Good advice, really, for any situation. :-)
Show threadBuy nothing newNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Yes I'm in Oz but cover this in cross cultural subject. I think there is a limit to the idea of inclusion. Dominant culture ppl also need to venture out of our privileged culture and visit 'others'
Show threadTreeHeartRecordsNov 13, 2022

@mekkaokereke

very interesting article!

Show threadSusan SantryNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke
I have detested racism since I was young. I am trying to vote against it, will not entertain racist talk. As a boomer white woman, white people have a long way to go.
Show threadDr.Susan BushinskiNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke I have a half black grand daughter (7) who lived with me for most of her life- my best friend at work is black so I’m outside your stats - but I worry about her every day, I worry about the men or women she may have as partners/husbands/wives in her life, and my future grandchildren - I don’t want her or her loved ones to be pulled over in a car by white police and shot and murdered - I don’t ever want anyone to discriminate against her - we have to fix this world
Show threadLizzie Speaks Too SoonNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke great article! We have so much work to do to achieve real integration in schools, neighborhoods,and workplaces. It's so heartbreaking what people have to go through. Racist systems cause so much trauma to all involved. We have to fix it somehow.
Show threadsandyknauerNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke one of my first responses on this platform was removed and I have no idea what rule was broken or how anyone was offended. I am fairly certain that the person to whom I responded wasn't the one who reported because they have continued to communicate with me. Sometimes on Sm, my Black friends get me but people who are not Black imply that I was offensive for expressing an experience (like this one) and asking how I can participate in an open conversation about racism.
Show threadMeow Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke I really like and appreciate my black and brown friends. They expand my horizons and make me a better person for their friendship.
Show threadBill DayNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke . Shocking but not surprising. Moreover, my understanding is that science shows that implicit bias is universal. Coupled with negative associations and disparate power, it perpetuates discrimination. White Americans need to confront the fact that we are all racist in varying degrees. Own it, curb it, compensate for it: work for justice and love. We still have choices. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-think-about-implicit-bias/?amp=true
How to Think about ‘Implicit Bias’

Amid a controversy, it’s important to remember that implicit bias is real—and it matters

Scientific American
Show threadBill DayNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Secondly, white people, it is not all about us. We are none of us as important as we like to think. Far more important than your personal feelings is how we act as a society to cure or perpetuate injustice. Focus less on your personal feelings and more on how you treat your neighbor. That is also a choice. Dr. King, not surprisingly, said it better than I ever could in “An American Dream.” (Not that other speech.) https://depts.drew.edu/lib/archives/online_exhibits/king/speech/TheAmericanDream.pdf
Show threadDavid Chase (dr2chase)Nov 13, 2022

@mekkaokereke Two things made me receptive to the idea that racism could be that bad/pervasive. One, was having an actual F-ing Klan bookstore a mile from my childhood home and looking at some of their literature. Glossy on the front, grimy on the back, is the only way to describe it. So that was real, and they were clearly trying to hook people with the glossy on the front.

The other, is riding a bike, a lot, and being in touch with other people who bike. Police treat you darn different. /

Show threadDavid Chase (dr2chase)Nov 13, 2022

@mekkaokereke NYPD was/is famously bad, their response to a cyclist crash death is to go on a cyclist-ticketing blitz, for example.

And there's all the usual stereotypes, about "lycra", "running lights", "elitist" (none of this is true, actually, it's been measured). So yes, I am totally prepared to believe that racism is that bad, and as crap unfolded over the years, yup, yup, yup. I had sort of hoped that the worst of the racists were older than me and dying off, but oh well.

Show threadDavid Chase (dr2chase)Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Understand this is not "poor me, I am so oppressed on my bike" but rather "people will believe ridiculous crap, say ridiculous crap, and do ridiculous crap, I have personally seen it, bet it applies 10x to black people."
Show threadDavid Chase (dr2chase)Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke My flawlessly bilingual jr high school Spanish teach, and my flawlessly bilingual, blue-eyed mother-in-law, both, also, told stories about their adventures among the clueless Anglo racists.
Show threadtaggthewandererNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke And of that 25% it's probably an even smaller percentage who'd consider them close friends instead of casual or closer to acquaintances.
Show threadJefferson RealNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke Interesting perspective. I've only ever known a life with friends of different cultures here in the UK. I've also always been that guy to immediately address the elephant in the room and help
people critique their own social programming. I like to think I'm approachable to people of all colours and backgrounds, and I think it's likely because of that openness. My only fear in this world, is the consequence of humans collectively ignoring the rights of fellow humans.
Show threadilya  Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke the 75% stat explains a LOT about US culture
Show threadilya  Nov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke this is like one of those things that I only encounter on thanksgiving as a nyc resident but damn the bubble is real
Show threadDavid WellsNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke having spent my teen years in a very small all white Illinois town where some often told racist jokes and used the N word (yes, in the 1980s, not the 50s), it was pretty easy to declare myself Not Racist because I didn’t tell Those Jokes or use That Word. (Yeah, right)
It took much longer, and a LOT of learning from friends, teachers, and students, for me to realize the extent of systemic racism in the US, and how much I had internalized and benefited from it…
Show threadEd SandersNov 13, 2022
@mekkaokereke this is the absolute truth, even in places that are considered the most open and multi cultural. And the older white folks are, the less likely they are to have any non-commercial contact with black folks.
Show threadPoorYorickNov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke
1. Yes
2. Yes, but not me.
3. Not so sure.
4. I have black friends because my job and my education forced me to develop relationships with black people, for which I am grateful. Sincerely.
Show threadJoseph MeyerNov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke none of your 4 points surprises me, but I appreciate you calling attention to them. Discomfort hearing about racism surely also stifles conversation about reducing or eliminating racism, especially when the members of systems get defensive. There are many topics we don’t talk about enough and racism is certainly a leading one.
Show thread@[email protected]Nov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke convos about racism get more comfortable as I engage. Awkward at 1st, tho I love diversity and am an ally, afraid to say something wrong/sound ignorant (especially since i know being white MAKES me ignorant of the things I don't know). I'm learning to use an antiracist lens and trying to live an antiracist life. still challenging at times. wanted to welcome the only Black guy in the room once, my straight-man-phobia prevented me. I would've known what to do if it was a Black woman.
Show threadSheila R FosterNov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke Sad but true.
Show threadJim ParkinNov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke A black former colleague said that he and a white colleague were on a business trip to the US (can't remember the state) and they got some very odd looks in the bar when they went for a beer together after work, which we found surprising and depressing. I can't think that would be in any city centre in the UK, or indeed most towns that I can think of.
Show threadMeryl O'Rourke Hi!Nov 14, 2022
@mekkaokereke number 4 is just..wwooaahh
Show threadzhiviNov 16, 2022
@mekkaokereke thanks for having this post and conversation. Would love your feedback on one of my post about racism.
Show threadcmonster has moved.Nov 16, 2022
@mekkaokereke I used to listed to the podcasts For Colored Nerds & Another Round. When they'd share stories about racism they encountered, I would feel defensive regularly.
I consider myself willing to admit to my part in systemic racism and working to be anti-racist. I realized that my defensiveness was cause acting racist as a cis-white male is all too easy. I see myself in those stories. but recognize myself when I hear about racism, and know even more about what I need to correct in me.
Show threadEstarianneNov 16, 2022
@mekkaokereke most white folk have no nonwhite friends at all! I find that so weird. I wonder how it even happens, then I remember so many places are still just very, very white.
Show threadcohanNov 16, 2022
@mekkaokereke I always wonder about these people who have only white friends-- I'd understand in areas like where I live now and grew up-- there are few other races to interact with, let alone be friends with (now some immigrants in the towns, still very few non-white on the farms; in my elementary school, one or 2 native kids in the '70s).. *But* rural areas now have a small proportion of Canadian population, and I really don't know how you live in a Canadian city and only have white friends--
Show threadcohanNov 16, 2022
@mekkaokereke when I lived in cities (Edmonton and Toronto in particular) my friends were from all over the world, and not because I made any great effort, those are the people I met... Racism is another set of issues, but it's the isolation that I find odd...
Show threadMai-AnhNov 19, 2022
@cohanf @mekkaokereke absolutely. When people don’t have any friends of colour, it’s a red flag for me. Like you said I get it if you live somewhere very monoethnic, maybe in a rural place, but if you’re living in a diverse and multicultural city and you only hang out with white folks, why is it that? Is the reason your social circles aren’t diverse because subconsciously or otherwise, you’re not open to the experiences of people of colour?
Show threadcohanNov 21, 2022
@mapeterson8 @mekkaokereke I've thought for some time that there are some key 'opposing' characteristics that distinguish groups of people, which may at different times and places in human evolution and (pre) history have been beneficial, even crucial to survival even though they seem so different. The example I always think of is the classic desire to see new places/take risks vs sticking with the familiar playing it safe-- easy for us to judge the opposite group based on our own perspective--
Show threadcohanNov 21, 2022
@mapeterson8 @mekkaokereke yet consider-- a group of humans lives in a valley, where life is good, or at least okay. Some of the group decides to leave the valley and see if there is something better beyond the next mountain pass. Scenario A: the ones who leave go on to find an even better, much bigger valley, Those who stay behind are wiped out in an avalanche. 'Leaver' genes win. continued--