The LJun 25, 2020
Nidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影

new meme: the tall tales of yumyun hammerpaw

it's like chuck noriss jokes, but about a handsome fluffy cat man instead of a mediocre racist actor.

i'll start with an example—

yumyun hammerpaw doesn't get wet when it rains; the rain gets yumyun hammerpaw

Jun 25, 2020 at 7:56pmWeb
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
the only thing sharper than yumyun hammerpaw's mighty axe are his fearsome claws, and the only thing sharper than yumyun hammerpaw's fearsome claws are his rugged good looks
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
i heard yumyun hammerpaw has a third axe hidden in his beard
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
everyday yumyun hammerpaw eats his weight in flapjacks, and that's just for breakfast!
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020

i heard that yumyun hammerpaw doesn't get hairballs because his stomach is just too powerful!

yeah? well I heard that yumyun hammerpaw can't get fleas because his luscious coat is simply too fluffy!!

Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
when yumyun hammerpaw sharpens his claws on the scratching tree, the scratching tree says "thank you"
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
yumyun hammerpaw gives the best hugs out of any timbercat in history. this one isn't funny, it's just true.
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020

yumyun hammerpaw got his name by hammering 100 wooden stakes into the ground in under 10 minutes at the annual timbercat games using nothing but his own bare paws when he was barely weaned.

his record stands to this day.

Show threadSoriJun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic YUMYUN STILL GOING. CAN"T STOP HIM
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
@sori when yumyun hammerpaw finished this mighty feat, he immediately fell asleep and as he slept he snored so mightily that it shook the canopy for forty days and forty nights and when he awoke he had grown a luxurious beard and so hungry was he that yumyun hammerpaw ate ten thousand flapjacks in one sitting
Show threadSoriJun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic The madman!
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020

@sori once there was a great sickness among the timbercats but yumyun hammerpaw was unaffected.

when the sickness was at it's worst, a great storm came with winds that bent even the great scratching tree and rains that threatened to overfill the river and flood the forest. the sick timbercats could not climb to safety, so yumyun hammerpaw took his mighty axe and felled a hundred trees to make a great dam, saving all the timbercats

Show threadSoriJun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic A true Chad
Show threadSoriJun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic I'm still reading these and loving them but I'm still just smiling at the name "Yumyun Hammerpaw"
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
@sori he is a delightful feline
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 26, 2020
i have to make sure @fluxom_alt sees this thread
Show threadCybertruck IsekaiJun 26, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic I hear Yumyun once baked more flapjacks than any cat could ever eat. Then ate them anyway.
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 26, 2020
@fluxom_alt my cousin told me that one time a tornado come through and knocked down a bunch of trees but yumyan hammerpaw gave it the stink eye and it picked the trees up, put em all back, and turned around and left
Show threadThe LJun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic yumyun hammerpaw was once bet that he couldn’t eat 20 lb of steak in an hour. He finished in 15 minutes and spent the rest of the time honing his mighty ax.
Show threadGiovanna D. MattucciJun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic Yumyum Hammerpaw only makes new axes using his older axes. It is prophesied he will one day travel back in time and gift Himself his first ax...which will be immediately used to make a new one. YUMYUM TAKES NO HAND-OUTS EVEN FROM YUMYUM
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
@Tooch *yumyun
Show threadGiovanna D. MattucciJun 25, 2020

@Sapphicgiraffic two whole seasons and im today years old when I learned this.

I must have Really wanted to hear Yumyum lol

Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
@Tooch i may not have noticed if not for subtitles
Show threadNidaime Hanakage 二代目鼻影Jun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic @Tooch okay apparently i'm a dumbass and it's actually yumyan hammerpaw so we were both wrong lol
Show threadGiovanna D. MattucciJun 25, 2020
@Sapphicgiraffic No SINGLE NAME can contain the full breath of the Hammerpaw majesty...
Show threadGiovanna D. MattucciJun 25, 2020

@Sapphicgiraffic Yumyan Hammerpaw is a plural system made up of various misspellings of Yumyan and they all have the same exact personality.

That personality being Strong and Talented