Chose an outfit for today and listened to my feelings, discarded the first two choices. Seems that demiboy is the gender of the moment so ended up with a hoodie that's a bit fancier than your usual hoodies, but a hoodie nevertheless. I've never worn this for work but it seems crucial for the process of accepting the masculine part of my fluid gender. Certainly didn't expect gender euphoria but here we are!

#NonBinary #GenderQueer #GenderFluid #demiboy

Looking in the mirror and seeing someone I love being. If my high school self would've seen I look like this middle aged, they would've been over the moon. Back then I thought I'm a freak and tried to own that, not always succesfully. Today I know it's about being queer. Loving it and owning it! 💜

#NonBinary #GenderQueer #NonBinaryJoy

The train of thought that started with the therapy session on Monday led me to guilt. The fact that I don't have a need for medical transition translates to guilt for having it so much easier than many of my trans siblings.

It also seems to tie in with the struggle of accepting my masculine side, that is, demiboy. If needed, I can navigate masculine spaces with no trouble (even though it does bring me dysphoria). I look like an eccentric and/or metal music type guy.

Not only that, I'm a white middle class person in a work position where I can be openly non-binary, and to others I seem to be in a cishet relationship. I'm super privileged.

But it's not all guilt, of course not. Because of this privilege, I'm happy to be able to fly my queer flag and be responsible of educating groups of future psychologists that, hopefully, are more sensitive to diversity topics than those that came before them.

I'm so looking forward to the next therapy session.

#NonBinary #GenderQueer

In one of my older toots, I was surprised to see that I said genderflux is more prominent than genderfluid for me. Now I think it's completely the opposite. Yes, they are intertwined. However, even when the main axis does include the level of intensity in it, the more prominent change involves a change of the gender feeling itself.

#NonBinary #GenderQueer #GenderFluid #GenderFlux

Wondering whether my last year's internal struggle with my gender and the drive to interpret it as female-aligned was in part a struggle against the masculinity and all the negative stuff I've connected with it, patriarchy bullshit etc. Overcompensation. As I said before, sometimes being ~AGAB feels like I'm not queer enough.

Thanks to my therapist, I now even recognized a certain jealousy I have of my trans siblings that have undergone medical transition. If I had that, it would mean a clear resolution that, as I mentioned earlier, genderfluid doesn't provide.

Me not having a need for medical transition sometimes makes me feel like I'm less. Not queer enough. And lonely, not fitting. Not fitting in any group in real life and not really even in the online trans community. Yet, I've started to understand that the feeling of not belonging is somewhat universal.

So that you know, I love you strange beautiful people on my phone screen! This is my community, my chosen family! I want all of you to live your truest self. 💜💜💜

#NonBinary #GenderQueer

Scrolling through my (semi) recent toots. It's interesting to see ways in which I've tried to capture my gender. Even some recent ones seem off. Yet, I don't think my gender has changed. I've merely learned more about it. It's a complex beast and the fact it's always on the move makes it hard to catch.

I recently said masculine and feminine are just energy and not core genders for me. As of this week, I've settled with demiboy being part of a continuum. In other words it's part of the core.

The nature of my femininity, on the other hand, has been difficult for me to conceptualize. It being energy and more fleeting is fitting. While I've had many moments when demiboy has clearly been the gender of the moment, femininity has been just a seasoning. Over the last three years, I've only had very quick sparks of what I've called glitch girl. That's a rare moment of the energy "materializing" only to dissolve the next moment.

Last year, I went over a phase where I really struggled with whatever my femininity was. Even thought I'm female-aligned. Tried on the glitch girl label as a more consistent label. Yet, it never felt right. It felt forced.

#NonBinary #GenderQueer #GenderFluid

As part of my quest to define my gender, I've tried to pinpoint the default gender. Yet, I've repeatedly said that it's in constant motion. So, in a sense genderfluid is the default. However, I've always thought genderfluid isn't my gender per se but more of its quality. An adjective.

With the latest exploration, I'm now of understanding that the agender-neutrois-demiboy continuum is my default "gender." At any given moment, the chances are that I'm somewhere along that axis. It's an axis of passive gender experience, if you will.

#NonBinary #GenderQueer #GenderFluid

Heute ist wahrscheinlich erstmal der letzte Tag mit mildem trockenen Wetter, deswegen nochmal das schöne lange Kleid zum Markteinkauf ausgeführt. Mit Korb und Hut noch ein bisschen in Richtung Cottagecore gestylt.

#ootd #mensfashion #menindresses #meninskirts #skirtsformen #genderlessfashion #genderfluidfashion #clotheshavenogender #fashionhasnogender #fashionfreedom #genderqueer #StopToxicMasculinity #endtoxicmasculinity