Dimestore Diamond 
Gender of the moment is a metallic ball that emanates static hum and doesn't want to reveal its insides. On surface, there are delicate flowers growing. By terms, I've defaulted back to my winter time staticblank but even that doesn't completely fit.
I coined the term staticblank to describe my variety of genderless gender at the core of my gender. I've now noticed that as the staticky electric current quality comes and goes, genderblank is more fitting for the most part. Yet another fluid unit within my gender.
Now that I've done another deep dive into the details of my gender, I don't think there are big differences to what I saw in June or July, when I first dissected it. Sure, I've found a part that I didn't recognize back then, that is the genderblank/staticblank. However, I did feel it last summer right after digging long enough. I just didn't recognize it.
Moreover, the constellation of the "engine genders" isn't what I thought, and I've found more precise terms. Seems that the feminine and genderfluff parts are very much intertwined, to the extent that with glitchgender, another new part I now found, they constitute a genderfluid unit of their own.
Still, I now see that I had an intuition of these things even then. Well, maybe not the glitching part. I just didn't have enough insight to actually recognize them. It was the first time when I really tasted these parts apart from just going with nonbinary/masculine/feminine classification. Since then, I've been aware of the ebbs and flows of my gender, have seen the intricate fluidness and flux.
As my eggversary approached, it was a perfect time to come back to search for details. It's truly fascinating!
#NonBinary #GenderFluid #GenderFlux #GenderFluff #GenderBlank #StaticBlank
During my morning meditation, as I was trying to reach the blank state of mind, I couldn't help thinking that there's already this blank part within. Also, it is reflected beautifully in ensō. 💜
The discovery of my genderless part started with the mental visualization of my gender I did maybe two weeks ago. I already knew that the core wasn't exactly what I had verbalized but the visualization clearly showed that when my gender closes, the core is different. It was this differently colored ball that was hard to access. Well, turns out it was the genderblank, or more precisely staticblank. It's hard to access as it's mostly blank.
This morning I don't feel sad. I've learned more about myself. 💜
I'm currently feeling sadness over my finding of genderblank at the core of my gender. Genderlessness. I don't classify it as agender as I've also felt that when genderflux has halted it all. This is different. Staticblank seems to be a very fitting term.
Have even shed some tears as this is a small form of identity crisis. Nowhere near to what I went through when my egg cracked but still. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with such gender. Or is it a non-gender? Somehow it still feels like losing something. It's ok to feel sad, I tell myself.
#NonBinary #genderless #GenderBlank #StaticBlank #agender #GenderFlux
The reason I hadn't given the genderless core proper thought before this is that it feels there's something. Difficult to say what but more than emptiness anyway. No single definition seemed to fit. Still I came back to certain definitions. Combining them gets me close to what I feel.
When I say there's static or electric currents isn't the actual feeling. It's the best I can say when the language fails. I might add there's also glitching. I wonder if it's those same glitches that spark all the way to the top when the glitchgirl appears.
I've been researching the details of my gender last week, especially the weekend. As I've said elsewhere, the inner core has been filled with questionmarks. Last night, I decided to do some soul-searching.
There's a part of my gender, thinking of which has given me an anxiety of sorts. As I'm a firm believer in that the emotions try to tell us something, I directly confronted this emotion. Suddenly the answer felt clear. The core is genderless. I've been searching for the answer in the wrong direction!
At the same time it's a gender but it's not a gender. It's a liminal place coming in and out of existence. It's feels as if filled with static and electric currents, unless it's not. It's elusive, always in motion.
I realized that I've been coming back to gendervoid, genderblank, and similar terms already last summer when I did my first deep search for fitting terms. Over and over again. I'm still not done but right now I'm tasting a term I'm not sure I've seen before. Staticblank.
For some reason, the thought of not having a gender gives me anxiety. Even though I also have quite an intricate constellation of other gender parts.
#NonBinary #genderless #StaticBlank #GenderFlux #GenderFluid