How Not to Say the Wrong Thing (2013)

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. ... Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. ... Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. ... When you are done you have a Kvetching Order....

Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens...

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

...

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

https://www.latimes.com/nation/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html

#KvetchingOrder #RingTheory #SayTheRightThing #FuckCancer

Ring Theory: How not to say the wrong thing

TL;DR: comfort IN, dump OUT

For someone going through a crisis (medical, financial, natural disaster, whatevs), ring theory directs communications: positive in, negative out.

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma... Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma... Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people....When you are done you have a Kvetching Order.

Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” That’s the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it. ...

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html

For a list of practical things that can help in a crisis, a starter list:

• Bring a meal.
• Bring a cup of coffee, tea, or a chocolate bar.
• Offer to go for a walk.
• Offer to watch/spend time with kids, older parents, or pets.
• Come over just to wash dishes or do a load of laundry.
• Bring by a favorite CD or movie.
• If going in person seems like too much, send a note by mail.
• Help with errands, shopping, etc.

(Tune this to the person's needs / likes. But food and other essentials, and caring for dependents, can be a huge help.)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201705/ring-theory-helps-us-bring-comfort-in

#RingTheory