Being part of a polycule does sound quite nice. It sounds very cuddly and I would love to be surrounded by so many people showering me with love and so on but I don't think I would be able to handle it. I crave love just as much as I fear it and rejection.

I'd be constantly worried about people tolerating me more than they love me. Of being expelled from that group on a whim because people just got tired of me. Of people, breathing a sigh of relief when I leave a room, then talking behind my back. Of being appreciated for some aspects of my personality or for my body but never as a whole person. Just being kind of used sexually or emotionally. Being there for everyone but finding myself alone when I need someone.

Because in a strange way, being used like that is something that I crave. Familiarity, perhaps.

I guess that's what being the butt of every joke, never being invited to any cool events by your so-called friend group, and constantly being abandoned by people who you thought loved you but in reality kept making fun of you behind your back and so on, for most of your life does to you. Going through constant abuse but calling it friendship. Then later, putting yourself through years of trauma, out of the fear of not being enough for a partner.

I have a massive gaping pit waiting to be filled with affection and love. But receiving love and affection terrifies me. Because I don't understand it. I'm used to things cutting both ways when it doesn't have to cut at all. I have massive trust issues that prevent me from properly opening up to people. So I hold on to every embrace as if it's the last one...

They messed me up, didn't they? 

#polycule #abuse #anxiety #bullying

my partner took a screenshot of our polycule Jabber chat, seems about right

#screenshot #polyamory #polycule #chat #weird

RE: https://mastodon.social/@GeeO/115900405888279723

My girlfriend’s boyfriend’s boyfriend’s girlfriend’s boyfriend #polycule

Another review

https://peterwenz.net/?p=39865

#2025 #aisha #aishacat #bockenheim #cabinInTheWoods #cats #christmasMarket #dropkickMurphys #hyundaiKona #irieRevoltes #linac #pina #pinacat #poly #polycule #rocca #roccacat #sunset #uniklinik

(Replies to this Toot will become comments on the blog - if approved.)

Where the bands are – Part 1 of ?/2020 (covid19-edition)

https://peterwenz.net/?p=8033

#batschkappFrankfurt #concerts #kurhausWiesbaden #nachtlebenFrankfurt #nathanGray #nickCave #polycule #theLegendaryPinkDots

(Replies to this Toot will become comments on the blog - if approved.)

Songs 2020

https://peterwenz.net/?p=8344

#2020 #biffyClyro #bruceSpringsteen #covid19 #current93 #malélevé #nathanGray #nickCave #playlists #polycule #saltatioMortis #santaHatesYou #shearwater #theChicks #theLastInternationale #theLegendaryPinkDots #theStranglers #tool #wire #zsk

(Replies to this Toot will become comments on the blog - if approved.)

“Sharing”

#bigboobs #bigbreasts #boobs #breasts #caption #chastity #cleavage #chastitycage #chastitydevice #chastitycaption #chastityslave #cuckold #cuckoldcaptions #cuckolding #polyamorous #polycule #bottom #bisexual #bisexuality #femdom #femaledomination #dominantwoman #mistress #dominantfemale #domination #femdomcaption #dominantgirl #dominatrix #bikini #bikinigirls