Me (shopping around on #LexCorp): Mmm, this 12oz #YerbaMate gourd I got is just way too big. I can never finish it in a day. Oh, this 8oz one looks really nice! It's only $9!

*POOF* A winged, portly lady wearing sweatpants and a hoodie appears amidst a shimmering blue light, hovering in my room. She is holding a magic wand, which may actually be a miniature magical rubber stress-relieving mallet.

Me: "WHO ARE YOU?!?"

ACFG: "Why silly Dane, I'm your anti-consumerist fairy godmother!"

Me: "Anti-Consumerist Fairy Godmother!?"

ACFG: "Yes, but you don't have to capitalize my name. I'm chill."

Me: "Oh. Well, hi, anti-consumerist fairy godmother. What do you want??"

ACFG: "To bop you on your cute little forehead and to remind you that you don't HAVE to buy a new mate, you can just pour in less yerba, you lunkhead!"

*BONK!*

The world goes dark for a moment. Feeling slightly dizzy, I open my eyes. I close the amazon window and go on about my day.

#FediStory #Humor #AntiConsumerism #Consumerism

At #LexCorp, International Woman's Day lasts the whole week.

I highly encourage our female and female identifying supervillains to interrupt males while they're talking, give them your opinion even if they have greater expertise, make them prove their credentials, and if they seem frustrated, tell them to calm down and smile more.

#LexCorpCares

I can’t believe I have to say this. All #LexCorp employees are free to use any restroom they want. I don’t need to know and I don’t want to know what’s in your pants.

Just please be aware that only the 14th floor restrooms have large capacity fixtures. Yes I’m looking at you, Grodd, Grundy, and Giganta.

#LexCorpCares
#LeaveTransSupervillainsAlone
#MyPrivateBathroomIsStillJustForMe

How to More Safely Express Your Gender Identity While Moron is In Office

“I’m a Gryffindor” : he/him pronouns
“I’m a Ravenclaw”: she/her pronouns
“I’m a Hufflepuff”: they/them pronouns
“I’m a Slytherin” : ask me covertly

Dr. Maddox Kaplan (Hufflepuff)
#LexCorp CEO

Okay, NOT WANT.

My amazon purchase history now shows my Whole Foods purchases.

Guys, I NEVER authenticate as an amazon customer when shopping at whole foods.

They're correlating based on my credit card number! NOT WANT!!!!

#amazon #WholeFoods #Lexcorp #evil

Got one of those inexpensive "handheld milk frother" blender thingies off #LexCorp.

I don't use it for milk, but *man* can it stir some tea!!

I’m proud to report that voter turnout at the #LexCorp polling places has been brisk. Rumors that the new LexCount voting machines are switching votes are completely unfounded.

#VoteMaddkap
Organized. Evil.

“The first #LexCorp Trick or Treat event was a huge success! Instead of giving out candy that’s full of chemicals and sugar, we gave all kids a pretty stone to collect.

Each one came with a lovely chain so they could wear their softly glowing green Halloween Stone everywhere they go.

Over 500 kids came to the tower to get their Halloween Stone.”

… that’s 500 little bits of kryptonite on kids out there. Let’s see you rescue that school bus now, Superman.