The single most important communication skill to have is being able to say things differently when someone doesn’t understand you. Don’t say it slower. Don’t say it louder. You don’t even have to say it simpler. You just have to say it using different words.

I once had a maths teacher who had this unique ability. I was bad at maths, but mostly because I was missing so many basics thanks to terrible teachers before her. So in my last year of high school she sometimes took time during her lunch break to help me catch up. As we sat there with our sandwiches, she would explain things to me and then she looked at me. Very often I understood. But whenever I didn’t understand, when she saw that blank look in my eyes, she took a moment to think and then explained it all again, but using entirely different words and examples. And pretty much most of the time that was all it took for things to click for me. She was a really great teacher.

I’m now noticing this again as an immigrant in Spain. My Spanish isn’t great yet but I understand a lot because I was once fluent in Italian and understand a little bit of Portuguese as well. So a lot of the time I understand *most* of what people are saying to me if they slow down a bit. But sometimes I don’t quite get it and then I need to ask them to repeat it. The problem is, when they just repeat themselves word for word, my brain doesn’t get more information. What I need them to do is say the same thing with different words (sometimes that means easier to understand tenses or active instead of passive form), which then gives me more data points and allows me to piece more of the message together. Which is generally a lot less frustrating for both sides than them repeating themselves 5 times and me still feeling like an oaf.

And tbh it’s the same with arguments as well, whether in meatspace or online. A lot of arguments could likely be avoided if we just said, “hold on, I think I’m about to misunderstand you; could you please say that again but with different words?” (Not all arguments: there are no alternative words that’ll get through to a fascist.)

So the next time someone doesn’t understand you, for whatever reason, consider taking a step back and just using different words instead of repeating the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. Unless it’s a nazi or a transphobe, of course. In that case, just let your fists do the talking ;)

#language #communication #immigrantLife

I’m not saying that people who talk about a “job crisis” facing every young person, including immigrants, is lying.

However, I am saying that I have heard that same exact narrative in every country I’ve ever lived in, unchanged, since 2015, regardless of economy, immigration numbers, or any other influencing factor.

#immigrantlife #america #canada #immigration