Mastodawn

Being an immigrant comes with a huge emotional toll.

You often feel invisible, uncertain, and alone.

But today, I can look back and be grateful, on the way, I have found community, friendships and inner growth that I didn't know I could achieve.

I have built a version of myself I never thought was possible.

Thanks life, for the unexpected turns . ❤️‍🩹

#ImmigrantLife

Golden Retriever GF Jun 13

One of the funniest interactions with a non-native English speaker was me typing out "Guarantee" but simultaneously saying "Goo-ahr-AN-tee" to aid my spelling in such an awful word and my wife goes

"Oh my GOD, English speakers do it too!"

Me: "What sound out our words so we can spell? Of COURSE! I say Feb RU ar ee every time I have to spell the month. Or Wed nes day"

Wife: '"Even english speakers need aid with their gobbledygook language!"

#immigrantlife #englishisdoghshit

Golden Retriever GF Jun 9

So Tally and I are officially, legally married as of today on the nicest day of the year 6.9. I have referred to the actual process getting married like getting the soyuz and apollo to dock on multiple occasions. We have been trying to accomplish this for 4 years. Back and forth with Amt then back an forth with America then translate then the next Amt repeats the process. It's required a great deal of back and forth in multiple languages and bargaining our blood and souls to death and perjury if we lie with multiple bureacrats.

Honestly I wouldn't trade this time for the world. I recently heard marriage described as not falling in love but that life hands you a shit sandwich and this is the person you are going halfsies with. I've been through German courses, experienced the financial crunch of two wars, lost a grandfather and for Tally it was much the same. We learned how to handle both loss and joy in this time. Stress and relaxation and now I am confident that we can grow together instead of growing apart.

So @thatfrisiangirlish , Endlich und Endlos wieder, oder?

#transjoy #lgbt #brides #immigrantlife

Golden Retriever GF May 12

I just went to a German Dentist yesterday and I have some thoughts.

On tooth repair in general I had a crown put in before leaving the USA. It cost 4000 USD uninsured. Nobody really talks about the aggravation of a dead tooth in your mouth. I'm happy it didn't get pulled but it is something I regret more than anything HRT has ever given me. HRT has been a consistent comfort. This crown has been a constant mild annoyance and it is installed correctly.

People complain about the innefficiency of the German healthcare system but the Dentist was horrified at my reaction to possibly needing another root canal or a filling that cost €85. To me this is nothing. When a person from the US says "my healthcare system sucks" or "my country is hella racist"it means something VASTLY different from when a European says it. I'm not saying don't fix it, or that the German system isn't broken, Just please stop conflating and equivocating. We use the same words but using the same words does NOT mean the same severity. Yes work on on it but for the love of god stop saying we are the "same".

For two I appreciate the German efficiency. I get my blood drawn here and it's "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" in the US I feel like I have given my life story to almost every stranger and certainly to every nurse that has ever drawn my blood. One of the Dentist techs at this praxis is a server with me on the weekends. We have known eachother for years. No conversation. No explaining my life story to a dentist with drills in my goddamn mouth. "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" and I was gone.

I love German efficiency. I tell people that small talk is very normal in the USA and I explain it thusly, you meet a random passerby on the street and they"ll say "Oh my GAWD, you breathe air too, we're so similar, we should get married". That is obviously hyperbole but I tire from making too deep small talk from everyone especially when you have a needle in my arm or dentist drills in my mouth. Let my private life remain private, please.

Lastly there is relief. I was an alcoholic. Before I had a few teeth pulled due to weird dental problems in my family but before that, no cavities, my teeth were the envy of dentists everywhere, but addiction does things and it's not just meth that'll cost you your teeth. Be careful. I'm very happy my teeth are finally being repaired and I'm five years sober now. My recommendation tho is avoid addiction whenever and however possible. I never met my grandfather and a whole lot of people I care about almost never met me and now I also have to pay for my mistake out of my own pocket and it is NOT cheap even with universal healthcare.

#immigrantlife #healthcare

Golden Retriever GF May 12

Something happened today that I never really expected but I'm still largely disappointed. We are shopping at our local corner store and we come around the corner to find an altercation between the German speaking teller and a woman screaming and cursing in the Queen's very own English.

The woman is upset as she cannot find the bag and when she does refuses to pay as she has already paid for a different bag. The teller is upset as she is doing her very best to communicate in a language she has very little experience in, has had to describe where the bags are and that she must pay as this one is 50 cents more.

The upset customer is cursing at her, insulting her and not speaking a word of German. The Teller is frustrated and trying to maintain decorum and stand her ground that this bag is 50 cents more and that she must pay. I come across this scene and decide it is time to intervene.

I explain in Hollywood/Newscaster US English, yes that is the US accent I have. The one you see on every news station, hear in every movie. That one. That she has told you this one costs 50 cents more and you must pay. I can see a thousand feelings on this womans face. Yes I understood every insult. Yes I understood every word. Yes, you are being the exact entitled anglophone you have heard about. I see her reel up, then deflate.

This is an interaction between the most british british english I've ever heard and the most vanilla US english. Hyper privilige meets hyper privilege and I really think this is what privilege should be used for, combatting people that are using theirs incorrectly. I thanked the Teller in the most German way possilbe and she was very grateful in her own German silent way.

The moral of the story really is don't come to a country and scream at people in your own language. This town is backwater and I have not noticed a great deal of English fluency. Being louder and angrier won't make you more understood, it will, however, get you on youtube and tiktok. I don't know why this lady was here. Maybe a recent move but it doesn't excuse the antics, doesn't excuse an all too common abuse of English speaking assholedom. Also, second moral of the story, use your privilege to challenge the overprivileged, don't abuse it. Privilege is only bad when used improperly.

#privilege #immigrantlife

Golden Retriever GF May 11

I was reading a business sign the other day. Something like Trützschler and I thought back to when I first got here and turned to my wifish and said "a Long time ago when I first got here that would be an appalling amount of consonants, now it's just a rather short name" Ae turned to me and said, "German isn't even that bad, you should look into Czech"

So today we looked into Czech and a lot of slavic languages and I gotta say German with it's 4 cases and moderate consonants is a lot better than a lot of those languages with 6 cases and entire senteces without a single vowel. I have given up on correctly pronouncing croatian. That language is inpenetrable to me X.X. I speak a smattering because it's spoken so often at work but locotive/ablative scares me.

#immigrantlife

Golden Retriever GF May 7

I was talking to my ( German ) boss once about the American (maybe anglophone, need more information there ) tendency to not tell the truth if the truth is negative. In this case it was about not telling a person if you like them as a friend or not because hurting someone's feelings is considered rude. Germans do not care. They believe the truth will set you free, even if it feels cruel.

She asked me "How could you know if anyone ever truly likes you?"

I thought back to my fears of rejection, that everyone would walk out because nobody actually likes me and hasn't had the decency to tell me. This has happened multiple times in my life. I had a girlfriend that cheated on me and broke up with me on my birthday because saying she wanted to end it and didn't love me anymore is anethema to an anglophone.

I replied to my boss a la Invicible meme

"That's the neat part, you don't"

#immigrantlife

Golden Retriever GF Apr 15

Everyone is always telling me that I am privileged to be married to A German but I don't feel privileged. I feel scarred. Like I ask "Wer zur Hölle ist Hase" and she shows me an entire article on Victor Hase and why he doesn't know anything. Or I ask how can "Ja Ja" be offensive and she pulls out her copy of Werner Beinhart. Now I know it means "Leck mich am Arsch" (en: lick my ass). Or she started singing die Toten Hosen in the shower and I bring this earworm to work and everybody at the bar is singing "UND DAZU EISGEKUHLTER BOMMERLUNDER"

I feel like something broke inside me when I saw Es Gibt Reis for the first time. And I still don't get why the Butler isn't just honest in Dinner For One so he isn't drunk off his ass in five minutes. Everyone is convinced that Germans are cold and quiet and stoic. No their culture has scarred them so deeply that nothing phases them.

#immigrantlife

Pepperberry Apr 5

If you are an immigrant, renter, or working-class resident in a major city, this guide is for you.
Not policy critique. Not self-help fiction.
An honest, practical look at what actually helps when the system won’t change in time.
“No miracles. Everything here is real.”

Read Essay:
https://thinkingprospectus.substack.com/p/what-you-can-actually-do-a-bottom

#HousingCrisis
#BrokenCities
#UrbanSurvival
#ImmigrantLife
#Renters
#CostOfLiving
#NotPersonalFailure
#ClassReality
#CitiesForPeople
#StructuralTruth
#NotPersonalFailure
#Urbanism

Golden Retriever GF Mar 28

So my understanding of "Immigrants is just code for racism" has moved from a logical understanding to an empathic one over time. Like I am not a German yet. I'm in the process of citizenship but it's long, hard and expensive. But generally speaking, my coworkers call me an "Honorary German". You can likely see this from my profile but I'm hella white, got blonde hair and blue eyes. VERY white. I make Mayo look tan.

I had a coworker. Lived his whole life in Germany. Is a German. Speaks perfect German ( naturally ). He also is just white. But his father is Turkish. People call him Turkish and me an honorary German. Like ... could y'all be more obvious? I had a coworker even ask him when Ramadan was and he was like "TF should I know? I'm an atheist." The assumption goes, is Turkish, therefore Muslim, therefore knows when Ramadan is.

Then another chef was teasing me. Called me an "Auslander". Nothing was meant by it. I am one for heavens sake. It was just playful trashtalk between immigrants. But my very German coworker looked at me with pitying eyes of "We both know what you actually are".

The whiteness of my skin paired with some personality markers and education in a federalist democratic country and strong integration makes the immediate assumption "German". I had a german official bend over backwards, make several calls, and get me in with the best German school with the highest ranked teacher to join a class where there were brown and black people that had waited for over 10 years for this course. I got in in 3 months out of Ausländeramt.

The thing is I have never heard anyone say it. Nobody says "Immigrant means brown, black or yellow" it just is ubiquitous. Immigrant literally is just "I'm racist but need a code word so you don't hear the hard R". Hating immigrants is literally just being racist with a dogwhistle inbetween. The vast majority of AfD, and CDU/CSU voters I have met think I am "The Exception". I am not. I'm just white, and y'all are just hella racist.

Again, I knew this before. I voted and acted accordingly. Now that understanding has just moved from logical understanding to empathic understanding. I know I am an exception as a white educated westerner from another federalist democracy with a strong work culture. People are willing to look past certain labels if you "pass" well enough for them.

PS Also this isn't just about Europe. I've heard the same stuff out of Japan and the USA. This isn't trash talking Europe. It's trash talking Xenophobia and I don't think I have ever heard of a country that was an exception to what I am talking about.

#immigrantlife