Mastodawn

But pain management is no joke. It’s wild having your skull worked on because instead of “my arm really hurts, when is my next dose” your pain is more like “I can tell my next dose is within the hour because im going blind in my right eye and that person breathing silently across the room is so loud I can tell they have a cold.”

I’m mostly staying away from oxy, but if I finally fall asleep and miss a dose, i eventually wake up blind in one eye and unable to process conscious thought.

Sleep is a bit rough for this reason.

As for pain, whoa lordy!

I do not understand how my head could be almost completely numb while simultaneously feeling like it’s being crushed in a bloody vice. What the hell is even going on up there?!

My forehead feels like I got hit full-in dead in the face with a baseball bat—which, given the precise nature of what such a hit would result in, compared to what actually occurred in the operating room, makes a damn lot of sense, given the liklihood of similar results between the two occurences, although the latter happened in a slower, more deliberate, and, one would hope, more precise manner.

I was gonna joke that they had a funeral for him and everything but it wouldn’t be as funny to y’all because you don’t realize my Black family is absolutely dramatic enough to hold a damn funeral for that poor boy they lost. Dear lord in heaven that family coulda had a show.

In any rate, the FFS was not, as beat I can tell so far, surgical anti-Blackness

Weird thing is with all the worry about a white male FFS surgeon basically saying “white-looking is better,” it seems my worry was unfounded. Somehow the surgery made me look Blacker than before.

I actually look like my cousin Alicia, at least innthis current state of healing. I thought of sending a picture but that side of the family has conveniently forgotten I exist.